The Ant's friend last night: What's that smell?
Peas: Oh, nothing. Just my fudge tea.
The Ant's friend: Fudge tea?
Peas: Correct. Tea flavoured with fudge.
The Ant's friend: Oddball.
The Engen QuikShop assistant, named Knowledge, this morning: (The same QuikShop I was scutters in a week ago) What's that smell?
Peas: Just a Tupperware of tuna that has spilled all over my bag.
Knowledge: Excuse me?
Peas: You heard me. See? All over my wallet, cell phone, bag lining, can I puh-lease just have those Marlboro Lights now?
Knowledge: Eikhona. It smells.
Peas: I think I'm fucking aware of this. Can't you see the delighted faces of your customers? Queueing behind a woman who, not only are her pants falling down, but her bag is embalmed with tuna. Cigarettes please!
Sometimes I just wish I never got out of bed.
That Engen QuikShop is detrimental to my reputation.
And I bloody smell of tuna. Attractive.
154 comments:
There are only two things that smell like snoek...and one of them's snoek...
Well this is snoek.
I don't eat Nik Naks...:0
Hee hee
I dont really wanna take a dump on my people or anything but the names are a constant source of hilarity. No one ever believes me when I tell them this but I went to the Engen QuikShop once in Killarney and the lady behind the counter's name was Assistance. NO BULLSHIT!
And some fucker called me Phineas(Pronounced fee-nee-yus. How the fuck do you spell that anyway?) the other day. That fuck, let me just catch him in the streets and I'll put my foot so far up his ass he'll have toes for teeth!
C - "Stop! Best you don't eat those..."
Why? "They make your poen smell. Or so I heard." he he he.
Suave - Phineas? I'll fuck him up for you Suavie, that's just pants! Assistance is pretty funny though. :)
I don't think I can ever eat Nik Naks again.
Champs - C and I heard about the Nik Nak scenario at a Vaal weekend in April. We haven't touched them since...
Wha-haaaat?
I love(d) Nik Naks. No more. Sigh. I thought they just made your fingers and mouth - and probably most of your insides - bright orange...
Hmm, there seems to be some justification to the Vaal revelation.
Make that another person here who won't be eating Nik Naks. But then again, looks like I'm going on a virginal sort of diet anyway, so who cares.
How on earth are you going to liberate your bag from the smell of tuna??
Suave - I'll join Peas in thumping that person for you!
Koekie - yip. Sad but true. We tell people all the time, some appreciate the free advice more than others. Strangers don't especially.
Jam - the tuna hones. Luckily I'm still single. Even thought you're single now Jam, better to be safe than sorry right?
That is why I&J will never really have any success in the beauty product market.
Suavy my boy, it appears you were mistaken for the great travel blogger, Phineas Blog.
Do I even want to ask this....but how on earth do you know this about Nik Naks???
And it better not apply to Ghost Pops too, otherwise I am screwed, and DEFINITELY NOT in the good sense!
Rev - Phineas Blog, ha ha, hilarious! I had two goldfish called I & J once...
Champers - someone told us at the Vaal. One of those urban myths that you'd rather listen to than ignore. Haven't heard the same thing about Ghost Pops luckily. Must be that orange stuff in Nik Naks (MSG) that does it...
It could have been worse:
While on his gap year, my boyfriend did a stint at a fish factory. For around ten hours a day, he de-wormed, de-boned, and salted fish. Despite the top-to-toe plastic he wore (hilarious pics, he had to throw away the clothes he'd worn because of the smell!
It can always get worse!
I've obviously missed something here..
WTF; Niks naks?!
Pete, it's kinda like Nik Nak paddy wack give a poen a hone!
Revo I see you're in top form this morning.
Kate - that's pretty foul. Your boyfreind smelling like poen all day long, shame babe! :)
Pete - read from the top down. NIk Naks make your poen smell.
Rev - Oh man. Oh man oh man. I need to leave my desk, that's fucking HYSTERICAL.
Nik Nak paddy whack give a poen a hone??
I'll remember this for the rest f my life. Too funny.
Jam - how's that for form hey? Rev never fails to step up to the plate.
REV - I just pissed myself laughing and threw up in my mouth a little at the same time.
Great to see you guys had a bit of a chuckle, catch you later, got to go to the office now. And it's such a lovey day, what a waste.
Sweet lord - rev, you just made my friday !!!!
He has made my weekend.
C and I officially have a new warcry.
It's a stroke of genius. Rev we love you.
My boss just asked what I was giggling about...
Can this day be over already, I NEED a bloody mary!!!!
Dude go and get a bloody Mary. You need to sort yourself out before tonight!
"Nik Nak paddy whack, give a poen a hone..."
Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man.
or should that be "nik nak smelly snack, give a poen a hone" ?
Anon - oh bloody hell, even better!
WAHAHAHAHAHA! :)
Fuck this is too priceless.
It makes you worried about what happens to the "old man" in the song...
on a different note than Poen, love the Engen quickstop on Oxford. I had a most wonderful day - the day that i saw the Woolworths coming up there. It is marvellous! Peas if it makes you feel better I have been there in some really dodge states as well. And am always nagging the 'assistants' for Stuyvesant mild in a hard pack - they always seem to run out!
Champers - "this old man died from intoxicating poen fumes."
Oh God. That is so siff.
Anon - Yay! I agree, wince the Woolies erected itself there, I'm a regular. At all hours of the day. And very often not sober...
I heard a rumour that Woolies is opening a new branch near me: In the parking lot of the Woolies at my local engen
Whaaaat?! I thought you gave up smoking during your great "kick the habit" exercise of months back?
Your portugese corner cafe owner (the one that tried to assist you) is not going to be pleased.
IITQ
Pete - you'll be in that parking lot more than you ever bargained for mate! ;)
IITQ - my dear, after my heartbreak in May, I started again. Ages ago. It happens. Now that I'm happier, I'm going to try to rid myself of my bad-smelling little crutch that are cigarettes.
But I'm not saying when or how until I manage to quit again.
This has got to be the funniest comments page I have read in ages.
Peas you and your mates completely rock!
I now have an entirely new vocab including poen, boofing, doondies, va-jay-jay, and now the nik-nak song. Fak thats funny!
tBerry - welcome to the madness my dear! These comments have made my day. :)
Perhaps I should make a glossary on the sidebar. I'm thinking not everyone knows what doondies, poen and boofing are...;)
Are those fish smelling nik-naks from the 90's still on sale? Those yellow things that smelled of snoek?
I just moved here a while ago, and it took me two weeks to find a shop near where I live that *wasn't* a woolies! Good the the new job pays well, cause they got me hooked and now I'm a complete woolies snob:)
I think there are 5 within a 2 kay radius of me, INSANE!
I have a woolies that is 80m from my front door. Got to be th emost successful woolies in the universe judging by the amount of time I spend there...
tBerry - are you serious?? Nik Naks actually came up with a fish flavour??
That's unbelievable! No wonder they were pulled from the shelves - can you imagine??
Pete - yip, they're all over the show. I use Woolies for my odd Zoo Lake picnics and lunchtime stuff. Otherwise it's Pick 'n Pay for the monthly groceries....sigh.
aaahhhh - Creols, the smelliest chip ever created.
Creols, thats it.
I think thats what you get when a poen eats a nik-nak...
Ja, fish flavoured Nik Naks are just sick. Thats in the league of Marmite Ice Cream & Broccoli Brownies.
Am still trying to figure whether Tequila Toothpaste would be a good or a bad thing?
Laaaawdy laaawdy laaaaaaawdy!
Being MIA sure has its disadvantages - Ceratin Someone's renamed R,blog hijackings, mum having sex on a Big Wall, smelly poens and the return of the nik nak myth, the tuna fish's revenge - I SURE HAVE MISSED A LOT!
I have some catching up to do in a LARGE way.
No guesses for how I'll be spending my Friday night. No doubt in fits of hysteria Peasypoo which I'll tell ya is MUCH needed at the minute!
PS did you know that garlic has a similar effect on the poen as well as on the taste of semen? Just some info - perhaps useless for some. Use it don't use it!
Well look what the cat dragged in - Howzit Cuddle?
Let me start by saying: " garlic has a similar effect on the poen as well as on the taste of semen?"
Does your poen have taste buds or are your trying to explain what semen tastes like???
As I said, welcome back.....LOL
Anon & tBerry - Creols? Aren't those the people that live in the Seychelles? :)
Rev - tequila toothpaste after a big night out would probably make me mock charge. Now Nik Nak toothpaste...it's not like you're actually eating it right? ;)
Muddle is back! Yaaaaay! I've missed you my dear! Yes, a lot of stuff has been going on in the way of, like, poenani's. Oh my God, some things never change hey?
Garlic. Shit. I LOVE garlic. Put ladles of it in my food. I blame it on my French bloodline.
Crap. But I heard, also, that cinnamon makes semen taste better.
The taste of SEMEN? This comment thread is just getting more and more entertaining!
How am i suposed to do any work?!
tberry - try to use all those words in a sentence!
"R and I wanted to boof, but as he got down to my doondies I realised my va-jay-jay might be a bit ripe because the nik-naks made my poen smelly'
Pete at lunch go down to the Woolies and buy yourself a big cinnamon bun my friend. It's Friday afterall...debauchery isn't far around the corner ;)
I just completely grossed myself out.
never mind cinnamon - rumour has it pineapple does the trick!
Pete - "R and I wanted to boof, but as he got down to my doondies I realised my va-jay-jay might be a bit ripe because the nik-naks made my poen smelly'
That is indescribably revolting! :)
Carlz - pineapple hey? ;)
Really? I thought I did quite a good job of describing how revoltingg it is actually..
Now,now, leave the revolting stuff to me...
(For Pete)
'Peter, Peter, pap poen beater,
and had sheep and liked to eat her'
Sorry Pete, couldn't resist - my bad.
oh.my.god.
Rev, I do not know whether to laugh hysterically or avert my eyes in distress.
*wipes tears away from eyes*
funny, lady, funny! I too have had a tuna like accident in my bag. I know the pain. I know it!
meat = more salty taste. Fruits = sweeter taste. But the best of all is plain old fashioned home-grown coca-cola! (Or so I've been told...)
Rev - I'm following Champs - laughing hyserically and averting my eyes.
Pete - I reckon you and Rev have a Revolting-off! Do it!
Dolce - My ENTIRE office has asked me why I smell like fish already. I am tempted to say, "Its not my poen, it's not my poen, I swear!" Tuna accidents in bags, the worst! ;)
Chew - homegrown Coca-Cola?
farm fresh coca-cola... Or so I've been told...
rofl - just found this - "wine, which has the same pH range as the vagina." And this one "Strong foods such as asparagus and garlic can influence her flavors, and so can vitamins. " Don't forget - "Semen is so amazingly alkaline that it can change the scent of a woman within minutes" Hahaha
CTC - Are you advocating a white wine douche?
While sitting in restaurant...
Waiter: Can I take your order?
CTC: A Bottle of Diemersfontein Chardonnay and a funnel please.
Waiter: Would you like an ice bucket?
CTC: No thanx, just some stirrups please.
Yes yes I know - Gooroo the cat has dragged me in claws sunk deep into my back let me tell ya.
Nonetheless Gooroo and Peasypoo thanks for missing me!Good to make an appearance!
Ok y'all by the way and this is fact because CPM and I once did an experiment in order for me to conquer my cum-swallowing-phobia, that whole pineapple thing is horse shit to say the least! Because it's an acidic fruit it makes the fucking stuff taste like battery acid!
Honestly I'd rather eat ants!
rofl - they were saying if you wanted to sample something in the pH range of a vagina, wine is the best. No i know why wine tasting evenings are so popular.
Muddle it's sweet fruits that do it. And you wanna eat Ant? OK but remember what i said about the wine. And check with Gilb first.
Chew, Rev and Muddle - hilarious. I go off on a mission to make popcorn and I come back to stirrups, pineapple-flavoured cum, wine/poen tastings and now Chew thinks Muddle wants to eat Ant. :)
Love you guys!
Hey, I actually heard that Tabasco sauce makes a guys come taste better. Use it, dont use. I almost tried it once but I cant stomach that stuff so...
Oh and nice to know ya'll got my back Rev, Peasypoo & Jam! I'll dedicate a drink to you guys just for that.
*howls of laughter*
You ALL just made my week!
Just pretend you're in a remake of The Little Mermaid and everything will be fine. Perhaps you should toss the bag, though.
Suavy, Dude, how is the tabasco meant to work
a) drink the stuff and then deploy some fire cum
b) or mix it with it afterwards to improve the taste.
PS. when you said :"I almost tried it once but I can't stomach that stuff so..."
(just read your comment again)
You were talking about the tabasco sauce, right??
Respek! rev you on form today buddy!
There was a young lady from Berea
Who ate nik naks till she went queer
The stuff made her honk
And she never could bonk
From then on she took it in the rear
CTC you know when I wrote that in there I was wondering if someone might comment on me eating Ant and lo' and behold china
Nonetheless Ant's hot but I'd only do her if Peas joined in with her cheese-poen!
Ant can be the vunge wine slurper, peasypoo will be the chizkop, and me well I guess that leaves my garlic vunge to be Muffy the Carpetlicker Killer
"Is it just me, or is it getting a bit lesbian in here?"
OK, OK hold the phone!
Muddle - I do not have a cheesy poen! Just in case ANY of you were wondering! I'm sure The Gilb won't mind if you, me and The Ant have a bit of a slap and tickle though eh? ;)
Rev - "drink the stuff and then deploy some fire cum" H.a.l.a.r.i.o.u.s. Suavie is a flame thrower! Out his totty too!
God you're on form. What you smoking, cos I want some!
Apfel - fucking brilliant! You okes are on fire today, I think I should save these comments for a rainy day.
C just emailed me saying that these comments are getting her through the day. She and me both chinas. Loving it!
Kyk - this bag's been in the Vaal River, on the Colony floor and now in tuna. You reckon its time to turf it?
(Wasn't even my bag to start with, it's the same one I swapped with that random a few months ago...)
hehe, Shame Peas! hehehe
CTC - What wrong with being a lesbian? I think that I'm a lesbian.
"...trapped in a man's body" - yadayada...
Peter - carrying around a thing that smells like an off-poen isn't making me any friends around the office. ;)
classic, just got back from lunch...this is a record breaking procrastination session!
how funny - Diemersfontein is my godfathers farm...not sure bout the Chardonnay, but they make a mighty fine Pinotage...
Just had a horrible tuna flashback just now - walking through a clothing store coupla years back - had to squeeze past this GIANT of a tannie in the one aisle. Obviously she was a bit on the ripe side cos I was overpowered by a smell EXACTLY like tuna. Never again - i see a fat chick in a shop i pick another lane.
Peas, it may make you more attractive to Chad!
So are you a pinotage then C? What flavor is peas?
PEas, you can lend that bag to me. I am trying to lose friends in this office. ALTHOUGH...they might actually find that a turn-on knowing some of the freaky people around here!
Meanwhile...I am willing to take one for the team and, if you find me a hot single man, put some of these theories to the test. (Ok gawd, I think I have taken to prostituting myself even on others' blogs now!)
C - your godfathers farm got a mention in the blogosphere! Go Poen! :)
Chew - that's horrendous. We had a girl like that at school. She smelt like fish all the time. She wasn't fat, but whoa, I've definitely smelt more pleasant things.
Rev - Chad loves me just the way I am. He'd better. ;)
Champers - I got your back babe, shaggable men, tequila and debauchery lie a mere two hours away!
ok peasypoo we all know u dont have a cheesy-poen
FOR THE RECORD EVERYONE PEAS DOES NOT HAVE A VUNGE THAT SMELLS LIKE GORGONZOLA
there you go pea-pie it's officially on record, however due to the lack of other options u have got 2 pick one of the vungi. So do you want to be:
a) the alcoholic pussy
b) the nik-nak pussy
or
c) the festering garlic pussy
?????????????????????????
peasie bearing in mind there isn't an option d) none of the above and that all the other options seem to lean more towards the 'shroom side of things like:
1) pineapple penis
2) tobasco totty
3) cinammon semen
4) coca-cola cock
Men always get the good stuff!!
And ctc newsflash cookella U TURNED IT LESBIAN IN HERE!!
Did Champs just offers to test Suavy's theories in exchange for a date??
*quite word to Champs:'easy not cheap'*
"CTC you know when I wrote that in there I was wondering if someone might comment on me eating Ant and lo' and behold china" - cause and effect my dear.
Lol - thanks Muddle for that bulletin about my awesome-smelling va-jay-jay! :)
I'm in complete hysterics.
Let's see, if I had to choose, in light of all the flavours thorwn around here: my va-jay-jay smells like a good diemsersfontein pinotage. :)
Did Muddle just make Brandy & Coke sound like a sexual position?
Guys - C just phoned me and for about 2 minutes we didn't even talk. Just giggling in absolute hysterics. I have tears running down my cheeks.
Thanks for making our day less menial. This is classic.
Muddle - gorgonzola - wahahahahahah!
I'm sure Peas has a fine bouquet. No guesses what champs is. Anyone else in the mood for a cocktail?
Don't think I've ever had to think about poen so much in my entire life. Unbelievable!
Goorooo - does actually give new meaning to the Catemba now doesn't it!
Peasypoo nothing worse than a gorgonzola gwat innit? Although I reckon a ganunch that smells like smelly feet could perhaps be worse....yes...perhaps...
But to backtrack (sorry I lost myself in happy thoughts of cocacola cocks) - "We had a girl like that at school. She smelt like fish all the time. She wasn't fat, but whoa, I've definitely smelt more pleasant things."
Good god Peasy really??? I mean isnt that just the most awful saddest thing any of y'all have ever read? Now do you think she knew she smelled like a can of sardines that had been standing in the sun for 4 days?
I mean one knows when one farts and it's rather smelly innit? I mean occasionally one must walk away from ones self - so how did she not pick up that she stank like the floor of the IandJ factory???!?!?!!?
*Suave no offense to your goldfish you had*
CTC - aren't we gals in blogland always wanting a good COCKtail!
It appears that poen is like Jelly Tots, comes in all those fruity flavours.
Can't say I like the sour Jelly Tots though, but come to think of it probably not the sour poen either....
Ever got back from a night out - thought you smelled fine - then you have a shower and smell your clthes afterwards and they reek of cigarettes and alcohol. Do someone a favor today and tell them they stink. They won't know it - and i'm sure they'll thank you for it in their own special way.
Muddle - shame it was very sad. I'm not sure whether she was aware or not. What can one do? I suppose her mates could've said something...perhaps, and for the sake of a ahppy ending, maybe she smells like roses now. Or vanilla.
Gorganzola gwat. *cue more giggles that haven't stopped all day*
woohoo - 100. I'd like to thank rev and cuddles - 2 cool people without whom we could have never reached this goal. I'd also like to send a shout out to the readers, and last but not least Pea's - your blog has wittled away a whole friday afternoon my dear. You must be so proud!
With regards to Fishy Girl from School - I know what she should have done, she should have gotten a new handbag!! LMAO
PS. I case no-one noticed, we've just exceeded 100 comments for the day. Apparently no-ones doing any work today.
Woohoo guys! This is indeed a record! I have done fuck all today cept talk about poen, giggle uncontrollably, and thanks chaps for making this afternoon so bloody hilarious.
My last comment record was 91 I think.
I will celebrate aptly with lots of tequila. Or wait...does that make your poen smell?
You won't believe it chaps - I'm STILL getting smses from that Deepak character in India. The one who I met through work, and thougth was Doc so I sent him something about sex.
He sends me the most random stuff. Todays was something about a gazelle and a lion chasing each other on the African plains. And that I should start running.
Oh sweet Hayzoos.
when tequila is involved i dont think anyone's gonna even remember what you poen smells like. (That might just explain the sour taste in my mouth the mornings after i drink tequila though...)
Jeez Louise... Please Peas! There are so many comments I can't go through them all, and I'm eating nik-naks at the mo, so just skipped down to the bottom!
Perhaps the poen only smells if your boyfriend eats nik-naks! ;-)
Reminds me of the time I went to the doctor about a strange orange fungus growing on my pipi! Turns out eating nik-naks makes everything you touch orange and crumbly and when you drink oros at the same time you must pee!
Chew the Cud - sounds like thats not all you chew when you drink tequila?
Damn straight
and to think all of this started with fudge tea...
Chewthe Rug - lol! or um, gross, either way you look at it...
Joe - an orange fungus on your pipi? I hope that you've sorted THAT out big guy!
And interesting turn - I wonder if Nik Naks make your pipi smell?
PS: It's official chaps. R found my blog. *blush*
C - an hour till debauchery! woooooohoooo!
Okay, slightly random piece of info for you peas, but Mr Pooon/Dooondies Jack Rock has apparently joined the Choir...hee hee!
what a great day for it too - he's got a lot of reading to catch up on.
Well peas, timing is everything isn't it.
Ok, everyone together now:
'Hi R'
semi-sorted!
Hmmm... not too sure about the smell - haven't had any Marilyn Manson ribs removed yet :-)
Oh my GAWD!! This is what greets me on a friday afternoon - simply fantastic. I really can't say anything except congrats. Todays comments truly deserve the highest honour - a well earned slow clap!
Ummm and a shoutout to Peas's Mom,
R U here today as well?
Thank you thank you - Gooroo and I will be signing in the lobby hereafter - bring your smelly ganunches and salty cocks.
But oh gosh Peasypoo - I HOPE R/MR POON/DOONDIES JACKROCK ISN'T ACTUALLY JOE AS JOE ONCE HAD AN ORANGE FUNGUS ON HIS OROS FLAVOURED PIPI AND GIRLFRIEND U DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE!!!!!!!
Hahahahaa!!
*fugger - thanks to ctc a new idea has hatched, in order for semen to become swallowable perhaps the trick is tequila? fuck me with an espresso spoon i hate tequila*
He's joined the choir?!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
What about Savanna? I am about to be sipping on one in about an hour and with the way Peas is going to make my w.end go, this is vital info!
Right. Seeing as I've spent he whole day alternating between laughing hysterically and mock charging at all these comments instead of doing real work, I'm sure no one will notice if I
just hit the bowls club now.
ALso, the orange toti had me pisssing myself. Just imagine this kid a a birthday party going pale as he wals out of the bathroom!
C - Pooooon is in the choir?? Fucking classic. We'll never let him live this down! ("The Hills are alive...."
Rev - he's not on the 'Net at this moment, but was earlier. *giggle*
Joe - best you get it sorted dollface!
Thanks Crusoe - poen talk, I tell you!
Rev - oh gaaad, I bloody hope not! :)
Champers - Savanna, isn't it slow-brewed? ;)
Muddle - R and Jack Rock, very different people.., hilarious!
Pete - how funny is that orange pipi story?
Cuddle, you seem to be quite determined to swallow semen?
WTF??
Peas - yes, but I don't want to get extra matured in the meantime. Well, age-wise anyway.
Rev, ask Muddle if she can cook a
nice meal too!
Champs, yes, I think it may be time to expand my Pimpdom.
As for the orange totti, it's not cuz he ate nik naks, it's cuz he didn't wash his hands after eating nik naks - that's why the tooti's orange.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
Gooroo I am actually quite determined to get it down at least once in my life!! U know like 'em chix in 'em pornos they just guzzle it like it's nothing when we all know camel snot probably tastes better!
The first time I gave a guy a blowjob and he shot in my mouth I cotched all over his room!!!
Hahahahahahahhahaha!
*ooops Muddle you're not round a bar table with buddies right now keep it to yourself*
The theory of tequila's impact on the taste of ones privates can be summed up in a joke:
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 5 shots of tequila. The bartender asks the man what's up and the guy replies that he is celebrating his first blow-job. The bartender is chuffed and offers him another tequila on the house. The guy turns to the bartender and says, " listen mate, if 5 shots of tequila don't take the taste out of my mouth then a 6th won't help!"
Here is a bit of end of week fun for all of you .
Just to start you off in the right frame of mind.
Peas... You have an excellent blog and your little community of dedicated commentators absolutely rock!! I've been reading your blog for a quite a while now, and for some strange reason just never took the liberty of making a comment. Keep it up... there's not many people who can blog with such absolute hilarity about normal everyday life. Its unique! :)
Ha ha ha!
Mario - thanks guy! *blushes with praise*
OddBall
I just watched a female colleague of mine eat a packet of Nik Naks and i couldn't stop myself from laughing eventually she asked why i was laughing and i printed this post out for her. Well all i can say is she busy cracking herself and licking her fingers in the process.
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