Tuesday, November 07, 2006

ballet and flying saucers

So, on all things ridiculous, I attended a formal dinner with, um, you know, um, my boyfriend, where we had to come as a sport we wouldn’t participate in. Well, naturally, I came as a ballerina. And I don’t do things half measures: I hired a meringue tutu with satin shit all over it; a short and very flouncy net thingie-costume. And pink tights. And I bought ballet shoes. I have a large shoe collection, but I don’t own any of these guys, and I will wear them again. To The Zone at Rosebank, so be it.
Anyway, God I love feeling like a bloody princess, all pink and girly and ridiculous.

I put the outfit on for the entire afternoon before the dinner and bounced around the house, only to take half of it off for a cuppa break with N at E at Moyo Zoo Lake to veg and talk shite, and then put it on again when I got home.

I had a scary thought, mid-pliez, envisioning myself as an 80-year flouncing around at dress-ups and my old age home condo in Baja in ballet outfits. I know my eccentric behaviour will only worsen as I get older – it has already – so when I’m 80, I’m definitely going to be weird Grandma Peas.
(Who’s that old lady downing shots with the hot barmen at this dignified family wedding?) “Ah yes…that’s my gran…at the whiskey again. And yes, that is a ballet outfit she’s wearing. She thinks she’s Margot Fonteyn, just go along with it.”

I went to the Free State on Sunday. I crossed the border. We met at the Vaal Dam and had breakfast at an establishment shaped like a flying saucer, making the name pretty apt: The Flying Saucer.
I jest you not.
A big fuck-off UFO-shaped building complete with dining tables, a bar and lots of people that have three eyes, (I’m not being snobby – but seriously) plonked, somma, on the side of the Vaal Dam. It was brilliant. So brilliantly, randomly ridiculous and hilarious. I got lost in Vereeniging/VanderbijlPark/Sasolburg/YourGuessIsAGoodAsMine on the way down there, where a man who looked like a cyclops told me (incorrectly) where to go. Still, was fun for a Sunday drive.

I went back to Moyo (I should have shares here), and met up with mates I haven’t seen in a while. They do great strawberry daiquiris. They’re, you know, street.

PS: Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is having to OPEN your door every time you enter a parking lot which requires you to pull a ticket out of machine before the boom rises because your window doesn’t open? The security guards look at you like you’re retarded, not to mention the perplexed gazes I got when asking for directions this weekend. My aircon is at full blast any hour of the day. If it packs up, I’m as good as roasted. Hello summer.

PPS: Windows broken, burnout, my dumb job aside, I’m good. I sense exciting things. In all areas of my life. Somehow. I may be wrong, but let’s hope not.


Pete said...

Boooooooyfriend!!!! :)

other-duke said...

Morning Wierd Grandma Peas :)

About the car: Living in Jhb has it's advantages, in that your vehicle doesn't disintegrate from rusting in the sea air. I had a car once (also a VW) that had manual winding windows and at one stage 2 of the 4 windows broke and the glass fell into the door. That poses other challenges like parking, rain and driving more than 60.

What about those people that own left hand drive cars... they must feel like right tossers arriving at Sandton City and having to get OUT, walk around, get a ticket. OR worse, being simulaneously impailed by the gearstick and handbreak trying to reach out of the right window.

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - :)

O-D - You're brilliant, I never thought about the tossers with left hand drives. Thanks mate, because I felt like a bloody idiot at Rosebank yesterday. LIfe could be worse. But this always happens to me: when one part of my life goes well, another falls spectacularily apart. And if its windows, so be it. ;)

Gregoogle said...

Peas - if its only the window that falls apart, then all that which is going well must be great! :)

UFO und Ballerina, Vaal Dam und Car window. What a cool weekend!

From the dehydrated Pflaume

Peas on Toast said...

Guten morgen Pflaumie!

You poor buggers in GTown - how is the water situation today? Been reading all about the palaver on yours, Carly's and Vince's blog. Hectic - and the township??

*passing you some cyber water*

Gregoogle said...

still no word if the water is safe!
townships safe, cause they use a separate water system - would have been way worse if they had been affected, since the municipality has said or done nothing to us so far...

can't wait for that pure jhb water :P

muddlepuddle said...

Good gawd Peasypoo you have made me shudder at the days when My Mother forced me to continue with ballet! Just the thought of Lillian my old ballet teacher brings my bladder to near failure! Yeurgh ballet and La Pebra gel - disgusting!

Anywhoosiebees I have a wedding in 2 weeks and I'm looking as forward to it as one might eagerly await being raped through the nostril with a giant paper clip. So if Grandma Peas is available - I'm in need of a date!?

Peas on Toast said...

Pflaume - you must be spending a fortune on BonAqua. At least those at the Lokshin are getting good water though. Hectic! Rand Water seems to be alright at present, so when you get up to the Big Smoke, you can rest easy. :)

Muddly - howzit my dear! Weddings - hectic. Just like one has to attend 21st's for weekends on end, suddenly weddings start cropping up, hey? Can I come dressed as a ballerina if I come as your date Puddle? ;)

other-duke said...

I wonder if Microsoft has anything to do with the electronics in your car...
It would explain the Windows crashing.

I know you have a "boyfriend", but is it alright if i compliment the size of your bubbles?

Peas on Toast said...

O-D - how big are my bubbles big guy? And what do they say today? Oh my greatness...is there a 'boyfriend' bubble? Blind. ;)

tBerry said...

So, Peas, what happened on the w/e that you now call him, um, boyfriend???
Quote from Friday's comments PEAS said, "EVERYONE - I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND."

Peas on Toast said...

tBerry - lol. I suppose it's been made official. But I say in haste - can we not harp on it, because, I'm still sitting here firmly with feet planted on ground and don't you know, want to make a big deal out of it. :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Peas,

Just to remind you that a couple weeks back you promised us, your esteemed readers, that we would be the first to know (in detail) about your next shagadellics.

Now all we get is : "sense exciting things. In all areas of my life." and "It was a nice doo-doo".

I can only assume:
1) Your "boyfriend" is actually hiding in his closet.
2) He reads your blog and your hands are tied (not just to the headboard)

Which is it dear Peas? Pray tell, for our curiosity is getting the better of us out here in the Great Beyond.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - again, lol. It kills me to be all cryptic, it really does. As much as I'd like to share all details of my life, I can't anymore. Not since friends, ex-boyfriends, friends of ex-boyfriend's and current boyfriends read this, I have to be all diplomatic now. It sucks.

So in answer to your question: option 2. My hands are tied, I've learnt my lessons about being candid in a public space, and out of respect for this guy and his mates, I can only really share peripheral details.
A thousand apologies. I suppose it will keep you all guessing eh? ;)

muddlepuddle said...

P-poo you can come dressed as whatever the bloody hell you like my doll!!
You know what I say the pinker you are the better.... errmmm.... eee gad I'd better not start this lesbian thing up again....

muddlepuddle said...


Anonymous said...

Ag shame man.

You should just go anonymous like me.

But don't worry about us. We'll just flesh out the details ourselves...

Peas on Toast said...

Muddle - sorted, I'm coming as the chick from Swan Lake.:)

We ain't shagging yet. We taking this one slow. So don't worry mate, you're not alone. ;)

Anon - If you're good at reading into cryptic stuff, the answers should all lie herein. With a few guesses here and there. ;)

Kate said...

I think I may have been channelling you this weekend, because I damn near bought ballet pumps on friday! There's a dance shop behind my office - and there they were in the window - all pink and satiny, sigh!
Anyway, sounds like you had a good one. I'm jealous, spent the whole w/end in bed. Just cant shake this cold.
Hope your week treats you as well as your weekend! :)

muddlepuddle said...

Ok I am going to go as Mikhail Baryshnikov.

I will give some thought as to how to fill out the package area...
Suggestions welcome.

As for not getting any ass, I have little to say...I am torn between two opinions:
a) you're a smart sensible responsible dignified lady
b) your an imbecile who could be getting shagged stupid yet are not making the most of this opportunity!!!

Either way you're obviously a waaaay better person than me!


The Tart

Insane Insomniac said...

The UFO is fantastic. A mate of mine took me there one bored Sunday afternoon. granted it started to rain, but the pub was cosy.

I'm so with you on beign the wierd grandma. I've started already at family weddings. 'Where's Insano?'
'Making friends with the barman. Again.'
Maybe thats why I don't get invited anymore. It has nothing to do with the one time I... let's not go there.

My window worked on my car, but I always ended up having to open the door, cos I stopped too far away from the machine.

As for the ballet shoes - over here they're called pumps and are all the rage. Why? Cos when you do alot of walking on dodgy pavements, they're comfortable and stylish. Everywhere I look, the girls are wearing footless tights with these pumps and mini dresses. Hey, if they were good enough for Audrey Hepburn, they're good enough for me.

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - shame babe, hope you get better soon!

Muddle - option a). Most definitely. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - That's what I'm trying to pretend with this window thing - I purposefully park far away from the ticket machine so it looks like I have to open my door. Or like when I ask the petrol guy for R100 unleaded. I open the door and pretend to fanny about with my tyres...

Pumps are wonderful. I own quite a large collection, and must say my ballet shoes are one of my favourite pairs! :)

So good to hear someone else has been to the UFO!

It is the question said...

Hey this is no bloody good at all.

You very clearly omitted blogging about the happenings between Zoo Lake and Sunday morning - the event, what he wore, etc.

This politeness thing is OK - if you start another blog.

Make the name something we can guess, like bushwacker.blogspot.com (that was the name, wasn't it?), or nymphopeas.blogspot.com

Other readers - suggestions?


muddlepuddle said...

PPoo-Lady if it makes you feel better my old car (Bluebell - VW citi golf from 1983) not only stank from high hell, but the turny knob thingy from the passenger and driver windows eventually fell off (no aircon in them citi's hey).
This meant I had to put her in neutral and climb into the backseat and let myself out that way.

Plus the car smelled so bad that I used to take a change of clothes wherever I went.
God awful that was.

Koekie said...

I love it! Bouncing around in a ballerina outfit just for giggles. I hope you completed the outfit with a tiara. No tutu is complete with a tiara...

Peas on Toast said...

IITQ - If I started another blog - I thought about it - I'd ensure it took everyone AGES to find it. ;)

Puddle - that's hilarious my dear! OK I feel better. :)

Koekie - not only did I have a tiara dollface, I had a wand as well. With flashy lights!

Jam said...

Boyfriend. Hehehehehe.
The ballerina has a boyfriend. Was this just for alliterations sake that the word boyfriend crept into your ballet post?
I flounced off in a twenties dress to a Halloween Party last week. Like a ghostly twenties person. I was overdressed. Hate it when no one else wants to play dressup properly. Bloody adults.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - I can't stand it when other people don't make an effort to dress up. Like if I say "dress up all 80s", I mean, literally "dress up all 80s." Good on you for making the effort, you must've looked beautiful!

Daytripper said...

Peas>> re; Jam... she sure did look beautiful! unlie me who just looked like a corpse!

Jam said...

But a good looking corpse nonetheless. ;-)

kyknoord said...

"...A big fuck-off UFO-shaped building complete with dining tables..." Excellent! Looks like I finally have a venue for my next departmental team-building exercise. Ta :-)

Daytripper said...

Jam>> Good looking enough for you to consider Necrophillia?

Champagne Heathen said...

Jam & Daytripper - this is not some late-night ETV blog thank you! Can you just keep this banter PG rated please!

Peas - you fool. You were a Moyos yesterday? You should have taken a stroll and you would have tripped over me and my band of minstrals right on the other side of Moyos.

P.S. Have you all missed my week absence from random banter?! Of course you have!

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, you got some didn't you :)
This sudden turn around where Fri you deny the Boyfriendlyness and this morning you almost subtly mention it in passing..haha

We now get to let our minds wonder as to SOME OF WHAT it was.

As you know my minds quite twisted, so I refer you to Friday's closing comments.

Did someone take a dip in your Swan Lake....LOL

Peas on Toast said...

Jam and Daytripper get a room! ;) Just kidding, bless you two!

Kyk - LOL. Oh please do it, please! Make sure your colleagues dress up in suit and cravate...get them all hoity toity and then set up shop at The Flying Saucer. What a pearler!

Champs - you've been missed dollface. Are you connected again? Can't believe I missed you at Moyo - I spent enough time at that place this weekend. We were lounging around on the deck...

Peas on Toast said...

Rev! I know, I know, let's sing it together "Peas has an, Um Boyfriend, an Um Boyfriend!" OK enough, let's not make a big shniff shnaff over this, mkay ;)

Nope, still not shagging, yes, still being sensible and frigid, yes, still got my feet on the ground, blah dee shmah. :)

Does it count if I dipped into my own Swan Lake?

Crusoe said...

Love the ballet outfit! Best fancy dress party I have been to was a friends birthday and everyone had to dress as a character whose clothes were all black (darth vader, Al Capone, etc). Everyone arrived in their black outfits and the birthday girl pranced out in a glaringly white fairy outfit, complete with wand and tiara. Classic!

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, I didn't say you were shagging, I said you got SOME.
If you don't recall the closing posts on Fri, go check them again.
You were definitely comtemplating SOMETHING..hahah

Koekie said...

What a great party idea - tell everyone to come in one thing and then make sure you stand out spectacularly... Peas, now you'll always have something to wear to parties, it can be your trademark.

I think you should come up with a tagline for it while we're at it. (I'm taking this and running...)

Hmmm, the tutu-tossing tart; Piroetting with Peas...

Sigh. Creativity is low.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, I didn't say you were shagging, I said you got SOME.
If you don't recall the closing posts on Fri, go check them again.
You were definitely comtemplating SOMETHING..hahah

Peas on Toast said...

Crusoe - ballet outfits=very street! ;)

Rev - wahahahaha, cheeky bugger. :)

Koekie - tiara tart? tutu tosser, peasy pirouette? The options are endless, I like how you think Koeks. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

I'll take that as a yes.


Jam said...

he started it.

Revolving Credit said...

Jam, is this that Lazarus Syndrome.

Are you hoping to see him 'rise from the dead'

Champagne Heathen said...

Peas, I have the strangest situation of having free internet reign (play), but no emails (work) able to come through. Could this be heaven I have landed myself in!

And yes, up your stalking skills. That you don't know every step of weekend so you can bump into me is poor form!

And if there was any sort of swan diving, I hope you and all involved were adequately protected!

Jam said...

I keep wanting to type a response, Revo, but I fear I may incriminate myself...

Revolving Credit said...

Jam, if you keep your fingers crossed, it doesn't count.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - I've been told that I'm not allowed to stalk you anymore. I know, bummer. It doesn't fit into the boyfriend-girlfriend contract, or so I hear. It's a load of jean pant I know. ;)

Jam - now you've got me wondering...type a response! Type a response!

Revolving Credit said...

What a load of poppycock, of course you can stalk her.

There are not set rules, you make up the rules as you go.

Lets call this one
Rule 76:
'Boyfriend, Girlfriend with a side order of hot-ass Girly Friend'

Jam said...

Okay fine. Of course I like seeing him "rise from the dead".

Jam said...

Typo. I'd like to see him "rise from the dead"
Damn keyboard.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - so does that mean I can stalk anyone and everyone also?

Jam - how many times did he rise from the dead this weekend? ;)
he he he

Revolving Credit said...

Just make up a new rule

Rule 77:

Type rule text here ...........

(Please note: not having new tacitly rules ratified by boyfriend allows him to makeup rules of his own)

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like Jam is really into

Jam said...

Peas - who knows? i was away.
*innocent eyes*
Revo - many girls are.

Revolving Credit said...

"who knows? i was away"

Sounds like Jam was..wmm..blown away.

Apparently, many girls are??

(Daytripper's rigor mortis seems quite popular today)

Peas on Toast said...

Daytripper you liddle stud. ;)

kabintsimbi said...

peas has a boyfriend!?! peas has a boyfriend!?! great news you blogger you! Do yourself a favour, quickly lift your arm, reach behind you & pat yourself on the back! Fuck yeah...can I swear in your comments box?!?

Noticed how full these things get...damn girl, you're hogging all the readers...although your blog is by far way better than well, basically most of us influential bunch! kyk...as you say!

Anyway, totally know what you mean about that area across the border. Been there a few times on rowing competitions & my goodness, has it raised an eyebrow or two on many an ocassion! Mooi to visit I must say!

Sorry about your wheels...damn...give it a bloody kick up the bottom & threaten banishment to the dump...sure it'll register your vibes & pucker up a bit!

Anyways...keep on rockin your funbus. To my own blog I must go!

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - lol, thanks babe. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, it just kinda happened. I suppose this is when it does happen: when you're not looking and you're quite happy on your own. You can swear as much as you like here my dear - I do. :)

As for my wheels, we had an idea. Leave it in Yeoville for the night so it gets stolen. But like, no matter how much my car has pissed me off, I still love him. :(

Jam said...

Yes, Daytripper the liddle stud.

Poor Ludwig. All these men in your life must be struggling with the "boyfriend" - Chad, Ludwig...

Kevin Cadman said...

Peasy dear... don't you have some sort of warranty on your vehicle?

Oh, and 'grats on the whole 'boyfriend' title thingie. If you really are me in a few month's time, I'm okay with that (as long as it's the female 'girlfriend' counterpart; not that okay with having a boyfriend. Haha.).

Sounds like you had a KIEFF weekend though! Tell me, does your current guy-you-are-kinda-definitely-with-a-title-seeing read your blog? Most people I know have started reading mine (including my dear mother); I've chosen to just be my normal self though - I'm over censoring what I say ;)

Hope you have yourself a fantastic week now see?