Wednesday, November 08, 2006


I broke up with Ex S exactly a year today. It’s our first divorcery. Hectic.

Onto brighter things, I sorted out my shoe collection last night. Why? They are taking up too much space in my cupboard. This has happened before, but I sorted this out with a large wine rack that holds 20 pairs. Ingenius eh?
But right now I have shoe spillage. I have divided my collection into two categories: 1) Those I never wear that look good
2) Those I wear that look good.

See, they all look good, except the pair I bought when hammered out of skull in Andorra on a skiing holiday.
They are beeyoots.
The sensory and emotion perceptions of white snow, schnapps, hot [almost illegally young] French ski instructors that my mate and I were sucking face with, the immediate realisation of a tax-free principality mixed with alcohol meant I had to have them, even though my mate threatened to disown our friendship if I purchased such atrocious shoes. Everyone else bought watches, perfume, cartons of cigarettes, booze, you know, the usual stuff one buys duty-free.
I bought three inch platform Spice Girl shoes in lurid tourquoise.
They made me bounce– ricochet – off a wall of a Spanish nightclub. We experimented to see.

They are absolutely hideous. I adored them straightaway. I was not leaving until they were mine.
They are called ‘Le Freaks.’ I think they’re the reason Ex A (the first ex ever) and I broke up; I loved them, he hated them. I don’t blame him.

Anyway, back to acceptable footwear.
Those I Don’t Wear That Look Good
Suede purple ones (don’t match anything)
Green peeptoe ones (too big)
White air hostess shoes (too big and too porno)
Yellow glittery pumps (forgot I had these, hmmm…I also forgot how nice they are)
Brown suede-and-shiny-thing ones (Thailand special, too used)
Silvery glitter ones (very 1970s flashy)
Tan leather ones (too boardroom)
Cloth-covered stripy ones (um…)

Those I Do Wear Religiously And Still Look Good
Black and white stilettos with cartoon design on them
Black (expensive) leather pointie slingbacks
Metallic blue pumps with big bows
Mock-croc stilettos in white
Mock-croc stilettos in purple
Bronze peeptoe stilettos
Bronze metallic pumps
Silver slip-ons
Hot pink satin babydoll stilettos
Black patent leather stilettos
White pumps with flower on them
Black stiletto boots
Nice wedges without the platform in baby blue and white leather
Ugg Boots (Oh yes. I know, I know)
Brown leather boots (clonky ones)
Red Puma trainers
Diamante and silver slip slops.
Wal-Mart dogs. Huge fluffy slippers with Beagles on the front, $4.50 from the world’s largest supermarket. The best investment I ever made. I walk across the street in them buy pizza. Classy.

That’s like 23 pairs. The rest are in boxes, can’t find them under the other shoes, and I can’t be bothered to dig to the bottom of the pile. Total comes to about 55 pairs. Fuck.

Maybe if I have a garage sale I can start saving for one car window.


Pete said...

So, you know when you are little and you raid your folks cupboard for clothes to dress up in? (Not that I do, but you're a girl and shit, so I'll assume). Did you ever stop to wonder why they have such strnage old stuff STILL PACKED OU WITH THE REST OF THEIR STUFF?

Surely they get that, oh, I don't know, white air hostess shoes kind of suck? (See how I changed from 'your folks' to you there? I thought that was quite clever:) )

I think you can officialy mark today as the first day someone thought you are getting old:)

chewthecud said...

i don't think thats a normal amount of shoes for a girl to have. maybe we could conduct a poll. i think i have about 2 pairs of shoes, including work shoes, that i wear. ;(

Pete said...

CTC - Is the pole only for girls?

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - oy! I'm not getting old mate, careful now. :)

Chew -two pairs of shoes? That's just jean pant.

Pete said...

Peas - :) I'm just saying, old people didn't go out looking for old people clothes, they kind of hung on to them till they had kids or grandkids.:)

Also, I have more than 2 pairs of slippers!

Peas on Toast said...

Pete - I know babe, just kidding. I'm a ...hoarder. That's what old people do right? Glad you own more than two pairs.

Chew - surely you get tired of just wearing two pairs of shoes?

Jam said...

I want to know where your flat is so that I can sneak in through the window and help you out with your little shoe problem. What size did you say your feet were again?
Happy Divorcery.

Peas on Toast said...

LOl - thanks Jam. :)
I'm a size 6/7 depending on the shoe...

chewthecud said...

guys dont have lotsa shoes :P

Billy said...

Happy D-day! Look how well you have done in a year!
Nice Shoe collection, if i didnt know better id think you were a proper lady.

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - fair enough. ;)

Billy - I can't believe what's happened in a year, crazy hey? I'm always a proper lady. Sort of always. :)

Jam said...

mmmm...Just my shoe size. Promise not to steal the toaster so you can't light cigarettes. So how does your divorcery make you feel?

Anonymous said...

I'm so jealous of your shoe collection! You can never have too many cloth/striped/glittery/cheezy/porno pairs.

My favourite pair of shoes - recent acquisition - are bright green slip-ons with porno flourescent flowers all over (including underneath). Bee-Ay-U-tiful.

From Koekie, too lazy to sign in

other-duke said...

Happy Divorcery.

55 pairs of shoes - 1 pair of feet. Makes sense. Not

The real question is: Are any of them comfortable?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - lol, by all means take the toaster! ;) I'm a little sad today, because this time last year was the beginning of the end. It was a shit, shit day. Mainly because we both felt we'd failed at something after so long. LOser's complex. But I realise, though this break-up, through another break-up - god - being by myself and now something new, I have learnt more about myself and everything than ever before. It's been a good learning curve.

Koekie - hiya mate! Your shoes sound fabulous! Want to swop??

Peas on Toast said...

O-D - Let's say at least half of them are very comfortable. Pain is beauty, see. :(

Anonymous said...

Hey guys...55 pairs is a totally reasonable amount of shoes... I think I have in excess of about.. i dunno...70 or so? Not that I can wear them all... Sadly, some of the most beautiful ones are the most the stilleto black suede ankle boots. Can't make it to the door in them. Or the strappy brown satin Prada's (a present from a loving friend who happens to be a designer).

Since turning 30 (something) flats are the way to go.

But Peas, you've inpired me to do a cupboard cleanout... something that's been needing to happen for a long long time... (you know when you have to do a sweep out of your shelves onto the floor just to find a top that you thought you might've had once upon a time?... yeah... thats me)

So I've booked my li'l sister for this weekend... Yay cleanout...


Peas on Toast said...

Lisa - your cupboard sounds exactly like mine dollface. Yay to cleanouts! Warning, it's going to take you the whole evening...but it's kind of therapeutic...:)

Revolving Credit said...

Morning all

Peas, thats actually 56, I think.
You didn't include the recently acquired Ballet Shoes.

You need to post a pic of the Air Hostess Porno shoes, I'm quite intrigued.

Pete, I sure everybody can participate in the poll, but best we leave the pole to the girls.

Guys pole dancing is just wrong, OK.
Just leave it alone.

Kate said...

I had to leave all ym shoes at home. In this country, I only have two pairs of boots (necessary), tekkies, silver high heels, black high heels, slip slops, slippers, suede pumps, slip on pumps - and thats the bare minimum! ;0

Peas on Toast said...

Morning Revvie!

I thought of posting a pic of my Le Freaks - they're q sight for sore eyes, I tell you. But I didn't have my camera with me. Will post a pic tomorrow.

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - yip, when travelling one can only really bring 6 pairs of shoes with them. Also, one tends to accumulate shoes on their travels...:)

Koekie said...

You could have my beige sky-high heels with white and black hippie flowers (it was love at first sight) and I'd take your yellow glittery ones.

Unfortunately I'm size 4, so we might look silly. I'll let you keep your blue spice girl platforms.

Insane Insomniac said...

OMG! You have so many shoes! Granted, I have like, four pairs. I'm just really picky about the shoes I buy, cos I'm really tough on them and i also battle to find ones I like that are
c)good for dancing/walking/crawling

I'm a big size and despite my adoration for strappy heels, They always look like the straps are gonna bust open at any second. SO I have settled on a few staples:
Doc Martens (black mid calf)
Black court shoes (for the corporate look and funerals)
kick ass boots (killer heel in black up to knees)
kick ass stilletto (also in black)

Thats all i need.

Daedalus said...

Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes.

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - thing is, for me comfort and practibility is the furtherest on my list of shoe priorities. It's highly impractical, I know, but when I see something beuatiful in ligth of footwear, I automatically imagine it on my foot. Often these shoes look stupid though, because you can see I'm uncomfortable in them, which is a little dumb really.

D-Guy - Most of the okes I know have around 6 pairs. Including golf and hockey boots.
Surely all guy's own this complement:
1 x (at least) work shoes
1 x (at least) trainers/takkies
1 x flip flops
1 x sport shoes( golf/hockey boots)
1 x going-out shoes
1 x miscellaneous

? I could be mistaken, but that's what I am familiar with.

Revolving Credit said...

OK, I'm working from memory here but I think it's spot on:

2 x Black leather lace ups
1 x Brown leather lace ups
1 x Black leather slip ons
1 x Brown cut-off slip ons
1 x Black leather sandals
1 x Brown leather sandals
1 x Brown leather hiking boots
1 x Cats utility shoes
1 x Cats Grey Suede lace ups
1 x Canvas sneakers
1 x Adidas cross trainers
1 x Adidas running shoes
1 x Slops
1 x Golf Shoes
1 x Sheep skin slippers

Total: 16 pairs

Somali said...

Howdy Peas,

My Boyfriend has;

2x Pair - Work
2x Pair - Tekkies
2x Pair - Casual
1x Pair - Smart going out
1x Pair - Adidas flip flops
2x Pair - Rugby (with spikes)
1x Pair - Boots (does not wear them)

ME - Not even half! Mostly flip flops I buy for like R30 a pair.
My work is very casual so I don’t need the whole corporate look. But I do have high heels (weddings and stuff)

Please take photos

PS: I also HAD a pair of spice girl shoes (the dark blue and white) Felt like I was walking on air! :)

Daedalus said...

*Most* guys own two to three pairs of shoes.

…And you would find this ratio:
1 x (at least) work shoes
1 x (at least) trainers/takkies
1 x flip flops / plakkies
1 x slippers
(Most do not admit to the slippers)
1 x going-out shoes...
This is normally a double-purpose of the work shoes and/or takkies these days. Depends on your buying style... some work shoes and / or takkies are just not hip LOL!

You are still spot-on in your approach – guys are more practical when it comes to shoes. They own what they need (work, sport, going out…etc … end).

Eich Rev … you sound like a woman. Are all those new? Cause if I count all the shoes I do not use … I might sound like that.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - babe you got more leather in there than Crocodile Dundee after a roo hunt. :) Still, almost 20 pairs. THese corporate shoes add up hey?

Somali - so you have LESS shoes than yor boyfriend?? Seriously? Shit, I'm willing to bet my left ovary that'll never happen to me. ;) Will def take a pic of the Spice Girl shoes, they're un-be-LEEF-able. ;)

Peas on Toast said...

D-Guy - brilliant, all okes own the same shoes hey, or in the same ratios. Dollface, did you just call Rev a chick? This may call for frat blog fight. :)

Revolving Credit said...

D - those are in use, others have been disposed of.
Takes too much space to hoard used shoes.
If you have not used it in the past 12 months, toss it.

Daedalus said...

I said *sound like*...
Rev just have a lot of shoes by “guy standards” ... Okay a lot of it is sport orientated, which explains it. I actually checked with a number of men here on the floor now and my *ratio* holds true.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - you're a sensible dude, Revvie.

D-Guy - I know sweetie, was just trying to cause shit. You did a survey in your office?

Daedalus said...

Yeah … I did a survey … I just felt very “skimpy” after reading Rev’s comment … ak … I guess I should sell my car and settle for a cheaper one so I can own more shoes. Hahaha…!! Then I thought … *NO* … check around the floor quick. Maybe this needs to be tested. :-)

Pete said...

Rev - Yes yesit ws early and um.. it was early...

chwthecud said...

what to do with old shoes - take em as your footwear on your next tip to the coast/fishing trip/4x4 excursion. when you klaar give them away or chuck them. keeps the cupboard nicely simple :)

chewthecud said...

right so - don't wanna get between a woman and her shoe fetish so i'll offer up something else. In case peas ever feels like following in her dear mum's footsteps she's in for a
dissapointment. Better cancel that trip to china hun ;P

Daedalus said...

chwthecud, - I agree dewd.

Revolving Credit said...

Come on guys, honestly, how much effort would it take to erode the entire 6400km wall by shagging?

Daedalus said...

Rev, I actually agreed with chwthecud on the *shoe-thing* not the *wall-thing* ... he was just to dang fast and posted b4 me haha!

chewthecud said...

haha daed. dunno how i pulled a fastest-post-in-the-west on you - we got a crappy work connection here. but then again i got very little work today ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Shiza, I guess my folks knoew a good thing before it, um, eroded.

I think the deal is to shag less vigourously. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

How hard can it be?
Pound the woman, not the wall???
The wall is purely a location, not a sex toy.
Unless you're hung like a sledgehammer.....

Champagne Heathen said...

You take 6 pairs of shoes when you travel?!?!? Do you pack a separate shoe suitcase?? Granted, says me who lives in sandals/ one pair of red takkies/ barefoot at any opportunity. High heels are for fancy functions or when I am serious about scoring...

I realised I was getting old the other day when I was in my favourite shop, YDE, staring in horror with some teenage chick's mom as the chick tried on the highest shoes I have seen.

I asked how earth she planned on walking in those for even 10 minutes let alone dance in them. She replied in a disgusted tone that she knew perfectly well how to walk in such high shoes. She walks in these types of shoes all around campus!! HIGH heels in the day all day??? Crazy youth of today!!

Revolving Credit said...

Champs - So joining the circus and walking the 'High Wire' is not your thing, right?

chewthecud said...

peas shagging less vigorously? no way! i guess its a good thing she won't get to do it "up against the wall" so to speak then...

Revolving Credit said...

When you say less vigorously, what is your point on reference:
jackhammer or wrecking-ball?

To quote Pink Floyd:
'All in all its just another prick in the wall'

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - 90% of my shoes are high heels, that I walk in all day everyday. Or go dancing in. It's not just the crazy youth dearie! :) I love/adore high heels.

Lol Rev - hung like a sledgehammer, hilarious picture there.

nicole said...

peas, have you been to the jimmy choo website...i'm in love!!

Dolce said...

darlin' peas. I will take your unwanted pairs off you. Garage sales are so tacky.

Did I mention I had a small accident last week. Went out to lunch and came back with 6...SIX...pairs of shoes.

I have a problem.

But I luuuurve them. Luurrrrrve them!

Champagne Heathen said...

Rev - Considering my inability at times to balance even while I have both feet firmly on the ground, i don't think tight rope walking is for me.

And Peas, considering heights, maybe it should be you in sandals and me in heels. Next time I see you, we will have to coordinate, otherwise I feel like a complete dwarf. Or Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman...without the relationship.

kyknoord said...

You were married to Ferdinand Marcos, weren't you? I knew I recognised you from somewhere - we met at that embassy dinner in Jakarta.

Peas on Toast said...

Nicole - *drool!!!!!*

Dolce - I like you. Six pairs of shoes isn't an accident, it's a remarkable achievement.

Champs - you get used to heels china. I feel funny in flats sometimes, as I'm used to wearing four inches extra.

Kyk - Isn't Jakarta great this time of year? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Champs - I hope you are not trying to use this lack of balance excuse to explain landing up on your back often.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, you're used to wearing 4inchs?
That seems, how does one say it, rather flacid of you !


Champagne Heathen said...

Rev - I never know what position I am going to fall down into! ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Champs, what 'spread-eagled'

or did you mean:
- missionary
- doggy
- 69
- cowgirl
- spoon
- .....

Maybe you meant :
'I never know who's possession I am going to fall down into'

Champagne Heathen said...

Rev, I may fall down and about and around a lot, but I always am careful and aware of where I am falling!! You just keep my name clean here, thanks!

I kinda meant a range of "twister-game" type falls.

Revolving Credit said...

You're just looking for someone to blame and I think you're trying to make me the fall guy...hahaha

Inyoka said...

As I recall, the last person with so many pairs of shoes nearly ended up being shot. Her name was something like... er... Melba Toast? Emelda Toast? Any relative of Peas-on-Toast?

fida said...

dont know if i am too late : but woolies selllls a gorgeous shoe hang in your cupboard.....for about R100 bucks.........and about 50 pairs of shoes can fit into them talking from experience!!!

also./purple shoes!!!!! ewwwwwww...................purple means : sexually frustrated!!!!!!!!!!