Tuesday, November 14, 2006

oh.my.god

OK. This is hectic.

Remember that guy Deepak, the Indian fellow stalker that feels the need to sms me poetry at all hours of the night? I haven't been replying to any of his emotivally-driven, languid, fuck-me-seven-shades-of-hotness text messgaes since July. I've in fact told him he has the wrong number.

At first I thought this was all rather hilariously funny, and luckily he's in Delhi, India right? He still sends me stuff at all hours of the night, much to the bemusement of my new, um, boyfriend.

Until now. Unknown number. (His is saved under Deepak The Stalker, and it wasn't this one.) He has just got off a plane, has a new number, is standing at Joburg airport phoning me.
"I am here to form relations with a South African conglomerate about the mango industry. It's mango season in India. And I want to see you."

I was squirming. All my colleagues immediately knew what was potting, and I tried to remain business-like:
"Um...I'm Catholic. The nuns don't let me out."
"It's ok. We can read the Koran together."

I'm worried now. Being blatantly ignored has just egged him on, he is in my country, my town, and he's talking mangoes.

25 comments:

Christopher said...

Gah! Thats much oddness!

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah...I'm waiting for him to rock up at my office. I've put my colleagues on Alert Mode.

3rm said...

hehe

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - Oh you WOULD find this amusing wouldn't you! ;)

Slagella said...

Tell him to get involved with this type of mango. He'll be tied up for weeks.

Marc said...

And all and all and all ???

Peas on Toast said...

Slagalle - lol. "I have an idea..it involves mangoes, so listen up. You need to book a flight to Cape Town."

Marc - ...and all and all and all! :)

3rm said...

if only he'd arrived a few days earlier and you could have had something more animated than a hairclip attached to your nipple

SimonSays said...

now this sounds like something I am good at - and I am off to the airport in a few hours. Ask the ingrate for a description and tell him to wear a flower in his lapel :-)

Crusoe said...

Egad! If you have any single lonely friends, now would be the time to use them...

3rm said...

crusoe - egad? i think you've read one too many archie comics

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - Not likely mate. Deepak ain;t going anywhere near these nipples!

Simon - awesome mate, you're the best bodyguard ever, you know that? ;) If shit hits the fan, your servicesmay be needed!

Crusoe - not too certain I want to subject them to The Deepak...:)
PS: Love 'egad' ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Aah, Peas, rumour has it that the international mango industry is thriving these days though. You could get a sugar-daddy on the side!! I am sure Um-Boyfriend wouldn't mind, if you just explain what having magoes readily at hand could mean!

SimonSays said...

I'll sit on him and can abuse him with some of your stilleto's ;-)

SimonSays said...

why is it that the only time I comment is when there is the off chance that there may be some violence involved - I need to take up some form of bloodthirsty hobby like bouncer baiting, etc

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - A boyfriend on the side with mangoes....interesting thought!

Simon - he'd probably find that kinky or something. Can we not just abduct him? :)

SimonSays said...

abduction sounds like fun, or maybe we just give him a lift to presleys, drop him off and tell one of the locals that he came to take one of their 'laaitjies' back to his homeland!

Crusoe said...

3RM - Archie is a legend!

Peas, if his surname is 'Tion' then you may want to check him out for possible use in home porno's!

kyknoord said...

Just refer him to the local branch of SAA if he's so keen on all things Mango. With any luck, they'll transfer him to the Voyager call centre and you'll never hear from him again.

Anonymous said...

Oh my word!.. I had one of those... hectic!

Ramone Allones said...

Booooyakasha!

Greetings from Wall street (and yes everyone here looks like Gordon Ghekko!)

How you doing peas and Peazoids.

Peter Barlow said...

Dang Peas thats some hectic shite! how did he get your number? sorry, dont know the story! ;-)

Daytripper said...

Can I ask a silly question? Why don't you just tell him his attentions are unwanted and that if he persists in calling you, tell him you will report him to the police, obtain a Restraining order and probably make it impossible for him to get back into the country... bye bye business trip, bye bye job! Simple!

Peas on Toast said...

Crusoe - will Goggle him!

Kyk - splendid plan. I can like it!

Anon - hectic, how did it end?

Ramone - greetings my little Burberry scarf wearing man! We're missing you here, although I'd give anything to be in NYC right now! :)

Peter - I met him at a work function in July, gave him my business card so I could write a story on Indian food. He obviously took this as 'please phone the number on this card over and over again.'
He's back in SA...

Daytripper - I've tried to do the passive-aggressive thing: ignore him. And Ive done a swell job of it till now. Ignoring him completely. Not answering his calls or sms'. Then he went and changed his number yesterday, on his arrival here. The next time he calls though, I'm going to set him straight.

Elle said...

Oh my word!!! I have the same problem expect I am freaky lines from the movie Quills( not something I want to get at 2am). freaking shit!