Peas: Can we listen to Lionel Richie?
Third Roommate: Can I throw a toaster in the bath while we're at it?
Peas: Oh stop being such a drama queen. I’ll play Dancing On The Ceiling. It’s, like, upbeat.
Third Roommate: That's rich. Fine, whatever.
Pause. (Oh…what a feeling...when you’re dancin’ on the ceilin’…)
Peas: Have you ever seen this music video?
Third Roommate: Never had the pleasure, no.
Peas: You know…he really dances on the ceiling. Leaves no room for guesses. I like that. No innuendoes, just plain dancing all over the ceiling.
Third Roommate: Fascinating.
Pause. (Oh…what a feelin’…)
Peas: You know he grew up in abject poverty?
Third Roommate: Oh yeah?
Peas: He’s from the Deep South. You know, slavery and shit.
Third Roommate: He wasn’t alive when there was slavery!
Peas: Ah, but his grandparents were alive when there was.
Third Roommate: So?
Peas: So it had a domino effect. They probably picked cotton. Not much opportunity for growth there. You know he didn’t eat for days on end as a child sometimes?
Third Roommate: Where’d you find out all this shit?
Peas: I saw the, you know, … E! True Hollywood Story.
Third Roommate: Oh my God. And I suppose it’s all true.
Peas: One cannot deny the truth when one is watching an interview with Lionel answering questions in person. And seeing pictures from his family album.
Third Roommate: He has pictures from the ghetto?
Peas: Yeah…on that…you may be right.
Third Roommate: No then it’s probably true. A picture tells a thousand words.
Peas: No, it’s not. If he was that poor, he wouldn’t have had a camera.
Pause. (Hello…is it me you’re looking for?...I can see it in your eyes…)
Peas: He belts out a good tune though.
Third Roommate: His music doesn’t fundamentally touch me.
Peas: That’s because your music taste is purely one-dimensional.
Third Roommate: No, yours is.
Peas: Oh please. Whatever, Mr-I-Own-One-Cypress-Hill CD.
Pause. (Say you...say me…say it together…actually...)
Peas: Glass of Oros?
Third Roommate: Sure, why not.
PS: Nerves, fuck. Today everyone will hear me being a knobhead. Mine and Suave's interviews: SAfm at 12:45pm today, and if you miss that - Monday on Radio 2000 at 1.10pm.
I'm wincing already.
Post interview update: Here is the soundbyte
Please note I sound more serious than Margaret Thatcher reporting from Downing Street.