Thursday, January 04, 2007

doetpipe activity

Scatology: the subject of human waste.
A lecturer I had at varsity did his thesis on scatology, and how pooh can be sexual. That's a whole 'nother topic altogether, and coincidentally I saw him at Brenton-on-Sea the other day, but whatever. Today I embark on my own experience of all scatological.

I know I've breached this topic before, but girls don't pooh. And even if they secretly did, I would be the small minority that still didn't pooh.
Because I don't. I like to think that when I ingest something, it doesn't come out through my doetpipe like the male of the species, but instead comes straight back out in the form of colloquial vernacular instead.

I talk a lot of shit because I don't take dumps. If that makes sense.

Smoking Legs is perplexed. We have shared an ensuite bathroom now for a week. He has a bowel movement every day. I don't.
"Have you even gone to the toilet here?"
No. Only to take a slash.
"Where've you been poohing?"
I don't pooh.
"In the bushes? At restaurants? In the sea?
No. I do not partake in aquaturds. (My male friends talk about the latter like it takes a fucking hero to abolish their intestines into a body of water. Animals.)

Then this morning. He reckons I've done a pooh. Nope, I really haven't. In fact if I had done one, it was smelling of Chanel Chance, the perfume he gave me for Christmas.

Today is our last day in [windy] yet sunny Knysna. We drive back to Cape Town tonight, and will be staying at his beautiful place in Kalk Bay.
But for now, I need to do a sneaky manouevre and go find myself a toilet.

14 comments:

Insane Insomniac said...

Women don't fart either, that's why we bitch about stuff.
I guess guys don't understand that nothing kills romance quicker for a woman than the mere thought of her taking a dump in the same house as her partner.

When will you be back at work? All this talk about beaches and sun is making me very jealous. And giving sparks to ideas involving emigrating to the Caribbean.

Boomkind said...

So have you or are you going to claim your prize dinner with Kyknoord while in Cape town?

Knysna (or Plett its all a haze) used to have a place called the cave, I wonder if its still going, they used to have a Rand a Shooter hour, quite all fall downish)

Pete said...

Or...:)

Champagne Heathen said...

"I talk a lot of shit because I don't take dumps. If that makes sense."

Perfect sense. I couldn't agree more with this theory!!

karaoke queen said...

Thats right, that's why we bitch - otherwise we would explode from the pressure. Quite unlike the other side of the species who will call you into the bathroom to take a look when they think they've done a particularly special one....*sigh*

Groovy Nutter said...

Im not entirely sure wether S.L's obsession with your bowel movements (or lack thereof as the case may be...) is endearing or...just plain creepy...or...crappy! HA! I kill myself! Another thing... why is it when they (men) finally figure out that there are times when we DO actually pooh... they are so friggin surprised that it smells?!?! WTF is up with that???

Jam said...

I have this belief that men are more obsessed about regular bowel movements than women are.
Meanwhile, if you're constantly hunting for new toilets, you really must be talking a huge amount of shit, you're right.

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Aquila said...

Even the Queen of England has to take a dump and surely being that old I'm sure she also pinches a fart off at those stately dinners...

Naa girls do and it's just as nasty as guys'

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