Tuesday, January 02, 2007

new year

I always enter a new year with much trepidation. Call me an old cynic, but each year seems to get harder and harder, more fucked up and more fucked up. So it is with some dread I start my 2007.
I have a funny feeling about this year, like, not a good one either.

I have also come to the dubiously sensible conclusion that alcohol is at the base of all of my issues, and have therefore decided to give it up until further notice.

That is not a typo my friends, and to be sure, I shall rephrase in another way so that you can embrace the seriousness of my statement: I am not going to be drinking alcohol for a while. Hence the whole 'New Year's Resolution' thing, that really is a whole lot of pants, because NOBODY keeps these things, but I'll try for at least a month or two. Nothing bad has happened for me to decide this, in fact, the holidays have been somewhat docile to say the least. I just don't like the way alcohol makes me feel anymore. I get all tired and insecure after a long boozy night these days, it just doesn't give the kick it used to, (which is a bugger as I have no other poison.)

So no more. For now. I won't say ever, ever, but but for now. It also helps me to stop craving cigarettes if don't drink, and believe you me, anything that can help my craving will be welcome. Teetotalling, so be it.

New word though. Doetpipe. (n) Doot-pipe.

"He takes it up his dootpipe," was the context of this lovely sounding word. It means bumhole, ass, anoos.

(Ringing phone)
Friend: Hello
Peas: Hi dude, listen Happy New Year and all that shite...anyway, last night during that massively fabulous New Year's house party we had in Plett, you gave me a new word to blog about.
Friend: Did I?
Peas: Doetpipe.
Friend: Oh yeah.
Peas: Right. Smoking Legs and I are arguing about what a doetpipe is, the definition was sketchy last night after so many whatchamakcallits. Is it a totty, or is it a bumhole?
Friend: A bumhole.
Peas: Damn. I lose fifty bucks. Oh well, have a great day, bye now.

Speaking of doetpipes, cripes is it an issue actually sharing a bathroom with a newish (3-months tomorrow) lover. Not that girls pooh or anything, but seriously. I've had to like, relieve myself in all sorts of dodgy public cans in town, although he seems to have no problem taking the proverbial dump within my immediate 50 metre proximity.

Fried. We went to the beach - yesterday and today and I am on fire. Behaving like a Brit tourist, and lying on the beach in midday, I cannot expect much else.

Love is something that happens to other people. This is neither sad or whimsical on my behalf, it really is just a matter-of-fact fact that I concur with seriousness of face. And am happy with my partnerships being anything but the former.

It's been kiff seeing Doc again. We hung out at his pad yesterday, talked shit.
We're going on Ramone's boat on the lagoon just now. Ramone has sunk a boat during his time here, so I'm not sure he should be voted skipper at this point.
OK, enough. Here is a full list of my resolutions:

1) Enough with the toxins that poison my body already. Alcohol and nicotine are slowly being weened out of my body, and it feels better than I thought.

2) Always have a sense of humour man.

3) Be passive agressive if you wish to make a point. Being actively otherwise takes up too much energy.

4) Eat more salads and shit.

5) Like, buy a bike.

Oh and happy new year everybody. I really hope you are more positive about 2007 than I am.

PS: Bless, and this is bless, trust me. In a bid to try and understand my whole blog thing, my boyfriend Smoking Legs has started a blog in a bid to try and get the hype. It's called Dick's Dig, after playing around with names like Dick on Peas and Dick on Toast for a while, Dick's Dig it is. Take a look and please welcome him to the blogosphere even if you think he writes like a poen.
(He's lovely, promise.)

15 comments:

Lollipop said...

happy belated 2007...
Very sound resolutions Peas, good luck! i have only made 2 resolutions which will be the hardest for me:
1. Stop procrastinating
2. conquer fears

Paul Jacobson said...

I'm looking forward to what this year will bring me. I have all sorts of things to do this year and they all scare me a little (actually, quite a bit) so I know they are going to be good projects!

Embrace terror in 2007 - probably my overriding imperative for the year ...

Triggermap said...

Happy new years :) Your resolutions seem doable but quitting smokes and booze works well until you have a crap day and it all goes down the drain...

Regarding no.4: eating salad good, shit not so much...

Koekie said...

Here's to a biking 2007... I've just gotta learn to ride one before I get to go Dutch!

Inyoka said...

Off the booze - congratulations. Excessive drinking does one no good at all.

Revolving Credit said...

No nicotine and no alcohol..thats like giving up 2 of the basic food groups...well ok, just as long as you don't become a crack ho (I'll refrain from expanding that last statement for now)

Sounds like you and Dick Diggler are having a fun time in Nice-na

Funny to hear though that you started the year by losing 50 bucks on an asshole...hahaha

Hope thats not a sign of things to come this year(lucky you're saving bucks on cigarettes and booze)

Enjoy 2007 and I'll drink to it for both of us.

Revolving Credit said...

(Champs - if you're reading, there's something wrong with your New Years post, I can't open, it's crashing my browser)

ATW said...

Good luck with the (period of) abstinence. Cheer up though - hell if you get through 2006, then 2007 should be a doddle.

Normally I'd suggest that you have a couple of gins until that funny feeling that you have about this year goes away, but since that isn't an option I'm at a bit of a loss. Poetry perhaps?

A lone writer of some well found repute,
Has switched her grog volume way down to mute,
We hope that this was not her writer's crutch,
'Cause I, like all, just love her work too much.

Champagne Heathen said...

(Rev, no clue why its crashing on you. Too many photos of the good life perhaps?? I'll try to sort it out.)

The Pete said...

Hey Peas,

Thought I saw you ambling through Kalk Bay some time during the holiday.
Also thought I saw you walking on Fish Hoek beach on Christmas Day (sometime in the evening).

Sounds like you are having a good break, hope all the new years things go well.

The Pete
(Not Pete, The Pete)

Hot Pink said...

Hey Peas.

Happy New Years, babe. And here's the thing - mine didn't exactly start with a bang eitehr, and I know how you feel. But it can only go upward from here. Perhaps starting with a little bit of ambivalence is a good thing? A sign of more maturity? A more grown-up, less black-and-white outlook... Not that I'm accusing you of such, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, well done on the giving up of booze. It's totally doable and it's possible to have loads of fun without. I myself have not touched alcohol (save for yummy slices of Tiramisu) in nearly 8 years. Ask Jam she'll tell ya.

So, If you wanna rock da party sober-styles, call me. We'll paint the town Red (bull!)
XX

Insane Insomniac said...

Awwww Peas. No booze? Been there, tried that. Didn't quite take. Here's wishing you better luck. I'll check out Smoking Legs' blog.

Have a great 2007.

Jam said...

Happy New Year dear Peas.
Funny - it seems as though we have the same new years resolutions. I'm back in JHB after many days of drinking away and am now suffering from a post alcoholic depression.
So no drinking for me, and I managed to quit smoking 2 and a half weeks ago.
Enjoy the rest of the holiday!

phillygirl said...

Hi there Peas.
Been reading your famous blog for a while now ... ever since I landed on it by accident via my friend Jarred's blog via his friend Vincent's blog to you. Love it!
Anyway, my new sort-of boyfriend (you remember that phase?) and I have had a similar experience where after I'd been blogging about a month he decided he needed one too. Seems like they're catchy! ... Since I was originally re-inspired to blog again by my little sis's blog!

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your holiday :) I'm very jealous that you made it down to my home town CT, I had to work this year :(

Peas on Toast said...

hey chaps!

Happy happy!

Glad to see some of your resolutions mirror mine - we must be made of steel!

Special mention to Phillygirl, loved your comment with all the blog links! ;)