Friday, March 02, 2007

the devil wears zoom

I resigned today.
I should be filled with excitement, nervous of starting anew, breaking out from my rut. I am, and was, right until my editoress – not my big boss, but the one who thinks she rules my life, and does – got wind of my official notification.

She wears Zoom shoes.

I am fuming. Filled with anxiety, because the editoress from hell is about to make my life a living one.

In a fashion so typical of her, she made my resignation personal.
It suddenly all became about her.

I wrote a very nice resignation letter to my boss, one that he possibly doesn’t deserve, waxing lyrical about how invaluable my time there has been, how much I’ve learnt, and how much I have enjoyed working at Hell Inc. (Pty) Ltd.
Most of the above is a lie, but one has to do these things with quiet dignity, and be gracious about it.


She storms in, on hearing the news, possibly after she’s banged him on the copier, (because that’s what we think happens after hours), and:

Zoom: [stomp stomp stomp, crash, bang, dagger eyes]
Peas: [mute and pretending to furiously type]
Zoom: [after eight excruciating minutes, acidic and biting] I hear you’re leaving.
Peas: Yes, I am.
Zoom: Oh. [said like I’ve just told her to fuck off, which I haven’t. Yet.]

Zoom: Where you going?
Peas: It’s a secret. But am happy about my decision.
Zoom: Well a head’s up would’ve been nice.
Peas: I’m sorry?
Zoom: When did you find out when you were going and why didn’t you run this past me?
Peas: About two hours ago. Sorry, run this past you?
Zoom: Then why didn’t you tell me then? Who do you think you are?
Peas: What I did was standard protocol. I wrote a letter to my employer and told him I am resigning. I don’t get where you fit in here, or why I’d need your permission. I didn't realise my resignation was up for discussion?

I'm missing the part where this should be an issue. She refuses to talk to me, told me I’m a sneaky liar who did this under her nose, and despite my ‘I’m sorry if you feel I’ve left you in the lurch, I understand it’s hectic, but it’s my time to go,’ doesn’t wash with her.
She’s not sad, she’s angry with me. Not because I’m irreplaceable, but because I have a prospect. She thinks I’ve done this to destroy her somehow, which is ironic since the bitch was always out to destroy me.
One too many knives in my back kind of way.

It’s put a real black spot on everything. I don't even want to come into work to finish off my stuff.
But here I am, waiting for the shitstorm above my head to pass so that I can focus on my new prospect.


David said...

You've got her Number Peas! Don't let her get to you. Clearly she has issues and frankly, who cares? You certainly shouldn't. People really shouldn't exercise their personal issues in the work place!

Peas on Toast said...

David - thanks chine. Yip, it's all pretty bizarre and ridiculous, I'm just waiting for her to slip strychnine in my coffee.;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Well Done & Congrats & all of that Peas!!

The resignation meeting is HORRIBLE. I detest it. But yes, for that brief meeting, everyone ends up pretending that all was so delightful & perfect & you almost end up asking why I am doing this again. The time from now till you leave is def. probably the worst (I'm not helping here, am I!).

During my last 'month of notice' I created my blog though. So good things can come from pure frustration, impatience, detest, and gradual boredom.

Is this next job gonna mean you're actually gonna be too busy during working hours??

sheldon said...

Do not stress china, God Speed!

Why does this become an emotional issue? I resigned last month and found myself getting a talk from someone no where near upper management that included words like "animosity", "grudge" and I think there was even "personnel attachment" in there! Why!? While I’m not saying resignation is just a trivial decision... chances are it is a good one, to greener pastures… with more shit. And that’s how it should be seen!

Congrats n stuff!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Champs.
Yip I've been through all of this before and over, but never where someone has a personal vendetta against me.
But I have exciting things to look forward to, so hopefully it'll die down.

I will be very busy, but I'll still fit in some time to blog. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Sheldon!
How you doing my dear? And thanks for your words. :)

What corporates don't realise is that resignation - for the most part anyway - is about growth and moving forward. Taking it personally is unprofessional.

Peter Barlow said...

Hooray! Go Peas! When can you tell us about your new prospect!?

Jam said...

Congratulations! Can't wait to hear more! There is nothing more liberating than resigning from a place where you've felt stuck or unhappy. Ignore the cow.
btw, I'll be on Radio 2000 at 13:10 this afternoon, talking about Urban Chick. I think the frequency is 99.7 fm.

Betenoir said...

the best revenge is to be really really really really nice to her; in that "i just got an awesome job and i can afford to out up with your shit because it is so wonderful that you seem small and insignificant" kind of way. also, your behavior and insistent sweetness will, by contrast, make her look like even more of a heinous beyatch.

trust me, i have done this before.

boldly benny said...

Congrats Peas, that's awesome news. I love it when new prospects and challenges are on the horizon for people who are so deserving. When I left my first job my boss also made it seem like I was abandoning him and didn't talk to me for a month - I was leaving to do my honous but he felt that it was personal and on my last day he smsed me good-bye and good luck - nuts!
Well at least you're onto great things - good luck and can't wait to hear all about your new job.

Peas on Toast said...

Peter - thanks sweetie! It's still a secret, but in good time I'll let y'all know. :)

Jam - and congrats to you too my dear! I'll definitely be tuned in - and best of luck for it! I shat myself when I had to do it. Best we celebrate with drinkie-poos later eh? ;)

Betenoir - you have it right sistah. I'm finding it hard to be awesome to her, but I'm grinning and bearing it. I hate office tension as a rule, so being nice is a win-win situation here, n'est ce pas? ;)

Boldly - shit you too? I suppose this is more prevalent than I thought. But thanks babe, I'm very excited and I'm certain this will give me the boost I need. :)

Hot Pink Flush said...

Oh God Peas, that's horrible. Yeah, i remember several resignations in teh past. the last bit is always the worst.
Just stick it out, and, like betenoir said, play it nice, if you can. If you can't, wet the carpet in her office after hours then leave wheatgrass seeds hidden in it, then simply water every day after work. by about a week after you leave, she'll have a lovely green lawn underfoot to remember you by.
see ya later

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - classic and abstract - brilliant babe.
Yip, I've also just been given the editorial contents that I have to finish before then. So while I'm not being nice, I'll be drowning in work....:(

Third World Ant said...

Hey babe, cheer up. If there's one thing I've learnt, there's no such thing as a good resignation - if your employer actually valued your work, they'll always be upset to see you go. (which means you should worry about your incompetence if they didn't).

What your bitch boss' actions make clear is that she actually really appreciated the work you did, even though she never made it known.

But something tells me the next employer will!

Jam said...

So do you have to work with this nightmare for a month now?
We'll drink to your resignation later for sure!

Nessers said...

I work in an employment agency so I have some advice for you on working in your notice.... keep your nose clean, do your job exactly if not better than before and above all finish everything you start because at some point in the future you may need a reference from this woman so don't give her anything to use against you. Don't burn bridges - you may want to come back in the future as their new hot shot. Good luck in your new job

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - thanks babe. I'm not so sure. I think this runs deeper than the wrok thing. I think it's a loss of power to be honest - but who knows and who cares right? I'll continue to be professional and unemotional until the very last day. See ya later xx

Jam - yip a whole month. It's going to be tough, because I'm only looking forward now. Drinks to be had, yay!

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - sound advice indeed. And so true. I'll make sure that I leave here having finished everything properly and well. I agree about not burning bridges.

kyknoord said...

It's typical of a bad manager to try and take advantage of your professional integrity to lay a guilt trip on you (but please God, not on the copier!) I always found it easier dealing with the inevitable notice month nastiness by quietly repeating to myself, "So what are they gonna do? Fire me?"

Jam said...

I found that counting days really helped. I'd tick them off with a big grin on my face knowing that the moment to leave was coming closer and closer!

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - classic. I've said that under my breath about eight times this morning. :)

Jam - fantastic idea. Here we go: half of Day 1...

Revolving Credit said...

Why all the secrecy?

Are you running away and joining the circus?

I know what it is - you've decided to become a professional German Gangsta Rapper.
You can't tell use until your record label has issued an offical press release.

..or you got a job at a topless carwash.

sheldon said...

I feel a "things to do at work in your last month after resignation" list coming along...

1. Tick the days off... on a huge a** calender on the wall.
2. Set up your email "out of office" reply a month early.
3. Pack up your ENTIRE desk... a month early.
4. ...

ps: I'm doing just cool! ;-)

jamjar said...

Definately agree that your soon to be ex-editoress has some issues, just be glad you not her...

Maybe you would enjoy this "Never criticise somebody until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, they're a mile away, and you have their shoes." unless zoom is not your type darling

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I got a job at the UN where I get to make Kofi Annan his tea everyday and groom his dogs. WHOOPS - I hope he's not mad I told you??

Sheldon - On that note, best I start copying my photos and other personal paraphernalia from my 'puter and put it all on disc! Thanks for reminding me!

Jamjar - I like it. And I don't mind Zoom, they're completely accessible and some shoes are gorgeous. :)

Revolving Credit said...

You got a job making coffee for Kofi??

GoDsGiMp said...

What kind of dogs has he got..

That makes all the difference you know. But I'm guessing since its Koffi, who is really just a nice guy who gets bullied and can't say yes or no, but only maybe.. He probably has labradors not pitbulls.

Anyway, congrats for taking the step, may the bitch rot in hell, amen.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I took the job based on the witty and perfunct alliteration of it all.

The job was advertised as 'koffee for kofi - one million dollars per month.'

I thought hell, why not? ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - thanks precious.
Or Kofi has one helluva dominatrix seretary on his ass. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Dominatrix secretary... so the job is actually providing toffee for Kofi?

GoDsGiMp said...

Maybe now you will have a few secs at home to wip up my amazingly delicious chili sauce recipe..


If you don't liek it you can feed it to the labs.

Insane Insomniac said...

Wow Peas! Good on you! I really want to leave my job at the moment, but i'll hang in here until the end of the month, or something.

I guess its pretty bad when the entire office wants to pack up and leave.
My devil wears pinstripe suits, married to an actress/singer and drives an Audi TT but refuses to give anyone a raise..fucker..

zuzula said...

fabulous - well done you! am sure you're moving on to bigger and better. Good luck! x

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - nah, but I make a sterling cuppa. :)

Godsgimp - sounds delicious. :)

Insane - at the risk of sounding tautological- that's insane! But misery loves company, so at least you're in the same boat with everyone there, you're in it together. x

Zu - thanks dollface! Now when are you going to pack up sistah?

zuzula said...

oh hon, I sooooo wish i could! I am a slave to my rent cheque :( I'm looking and applying but it's hard - journalism jobs in london are popular things, it seems! One day soon, I hope... I can't WAIT to tell my boss where to get off ;) x

Yours Truly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yours Truly said...

Darling, anyone who wears Zoom is just not worth working for. You did the right thing.

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - I completely understand, they're hard to come by in my part of the world too. Something will pop up at the right time, I just know it. xx

Yours truly - lol. I mean, it's prada or bust baby! :)

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

well done on the new prospects...

Peaches said...

Zoom poppie sounds like a first class bitch.

Just keep smiling cos your leaving and will never have to deal with her and her tatty choes again!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Cheap Thrills. x

Peaches - thanks mate! As the hours pass, I feel better and better. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Also want to make a huge shout out to Jam on her radio interview!!

Peas On Toast got a mention, bless her heart.

Well done Jam, and here's to Urban Chick!

Louisa said...

Congratulation! And good luck for whatever you're plotting ahead. :-)

Don't let them stress you out - just keep your head down and finish it. And if you don't want to then don't - what's the worst that could happen? (It's not like they can fire you)

Peas on Toast said...

Louisa - thank you! For sure, I've decided to let it go. Once I celebrate aptly tonight, I'll laugh it off completely. :)

kyknoord said...

You're making tea for Kofi? Fuck. I thought I had that one in the bag.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - crap sorry, you didn't get the memo? ;)

ThomG said...

And thus, the shitsotrm will pass - and she'll decide to stick her Zooms into the crack of someone elses' ass very soon Peas. You're leaving, she's staying and you'll be better for it.

Richard said...

To paraphrase Snatch:
I believe it was Sister Mary Clarence who once said, "Well Fuck Her!".

Peas on Toast said...

ThomG - I have unmentionable dread for the poor person who'll replace me and have those very Zooms up their bumholes next. :(

Richard - ha ha! :) PS: Loved your letter below about the street name changes, and its reply.