It’s funny, I’m going to miss Darryl, who married, still wants to be my boyfriend, and Marjorie who shares her whole life with me, and the others – I will. Even my editor is making an effort. It’s hard to leave a small company.
I have my goodbye lunch today. I’ve cleared out my inbox of something like 14 000 emails (fuccccck it took forever), and I am ready to embark on my new venture. Almost.
I’m knotted in anxiety and a little stressed about the unknown, but what the hell. I’m ready to become corporate bitch extraordinaire.
Always The Wit, whom I don’t know personally, has been reading my blog practically since its early inception. So, he's seen all my relationships [and their aftermath thereof] turn into a one way ticket to Aloneville. It’s amazing how he looks at them. I see them as a string of failures. He’s observed them differently, which really touched me:
A brief history of Peas
Peas broke up with her beau today.
We broke up.
It was mutual.
I feel like Captain Shiteski right now.
This breakup has, like the preceding ones been reasonably public (and on this one, one can even read the other side of the story.)
There was even a bit of warning last month.
We had a relationship review at the beginning of this year and it made me realise that if we don’t work, I’ll be okay, I’ll get over him.
Things have changed a bit though.
Peas has been blogging for some time now and I have been a regular visitor. A vicarious way of living I guess. I really do dearly love this amazing person. She wears her heart on her sleeve and has a unique style. Full of halarious misspellings but behind it all immensely sharp and very funny. The classic say as you think it sort of girl. And no less than 4 SA Blog Awardes nominations this year to boot.
Anyway …..Peas used to blog on a site simply called Peas on Toast. (although if you visit that site now – its been hijacked by some online dating website!)
She moved to the Mushy site in March 2006 when things went seriously mushy. It took a few days to track her down.
the worst day of my life
That's today. If there are three people that should never ever come across my blog, they are in order of importance:
My ex S
My ex R
But ESPECIALLY not my ex S.
This has got to be the biggest fuck up ever. He found it without me even having saying anything. I went out with him for 6 years. This blog would've hurt him like nothing on Earth. I'm actually sort of floating on this dark cloud of Hell, not sure whether to throw myself in front of a bus, or just drink myself to death on the bottle of whiskey I have sitting at home.
Henceforth, please spread the word. My new address is: http://mushypeasontoast.blogspot.com
Too little too late.
From then on Peas was a bit wary and stopped linking to her Archives on her site. But google rarely forgets. So one can still get there with a bit of sleuthing.
It does seem that the bits that would have/did hurt ExS have gone though. So the details of those departures have been erased.
But the end of Small Bum is still around…
tears in the traffic
"50% of me wants to stay with you, the other 50% thinks its better I leave now."
Small Bum broke up with me.
I am devastated.
Anyway – why do I go to this effort to haul out the history? Is it some vindictive reminder to Peas of all the crap times she has had to deal with over the last year?
On the contrary.
With the passage of each of these men in her life, we have, through Peas writing, been witness to a life (that between breakups) she has seriously enjoyed and lived fully. Each of these men have been special to her and have been a large part of her being able to enjoy and live her life fully. Each time she has bounced back, stronger, more mature and happier. I want to remind Peas of that.
Before you can say cotton doondies - she will do so again.
It’s strange seeing your life, or in my case my hook ups and fuck ups, through the eyes of someone else. And he’s made me realise that even though I’ve experienced heartache, it's how things are done around here. All or nothing.
E2 told me last night that I have balls. Maybe that's what its about.
PS: Andrew the DJ is the best fucking DJ I've heard in my life.