Friday, March 16, 2007

powersuit woman

Last night I went to the Jolly Roger to prove to my friends that I am still alive. E, E2, C, N and Teddy - fantastic.
I concur.
My life is crazy at the moment.

My wise friend C told me once that the secret to a fulfilled life was simply balance. If all your priorities were balanced in manageable proportions, namely: social, work, spirituality, exercise and masturbation, one could lead a happy life.

C is actually Scott Peck of A Road Less Travelled.
My life right now is dominated by my work. Balance isn’t something I’ve ever held dear, simply because it doesn’t fit my personality profile. I am a woman of extremes.
Writing is my passion, but it has never dominated me as much as it does now.

I am juggling four huge things career-wise at the moment. Luckily, I love them and own them all.
I have become…a typewriter wielding powersuit.
I did a business meeting at 6:00am this morning - holydarryl - then arrived to this at work:

Yesterday I phoned a guy to organise an interview which my editor assigned to my boss first. She convenienetly forgot about this. And so, like countless times before, I had to pick it up instead. She does this. It's textbook selective memory.

I have to drive to a place called Nigel, which, if my geographic interpretations serve me correctly, is a one-horse town halfway to Durban.
Again, the below-the-line food and beverage industry doesn’t scream Westcliff Hotel.
She acted as surprised as I was to learn that my entire Monday is dedicated to the fast-food goings-on of Nigel.
It amazes me that people read this shit. I’m told, however, that the citizens of Nigel will treat me like a celebrity and will probably cut out my article and paste it on the wall of the local KFC.
Fuck I’m a lucky bitch.

It’s always the same.
If I say, “Gee, that story on untimely foot bunions hasn’t been done...and we’re closing for print tomorrow…oh wait…it’s your story.”
She’d say, “No, Peas. You have to write about bunions.”
Peas: I think I’d remember if I had to write about bunions. AND WHY THEN, IS YOUR NAME NEXT TO THE ASSIGNED STORY AND NOT MINE?”
Then she’d say, “Because I’ve changed it since then.”
And I’d say, “Well then, where’s my new pagination sheet STATING THIS CHANGE?”
And she’d say that she gave it to me, which I swear blind, she most certainly didn’t.

“Don’t you think you should be writing about bunions since you are one?” Is what I’d like to say.

I think I’m gonna miss this place. Writing about bunions in Nigel anyway.

32 comments:

kyknoord said...

I think your boss and mine should start some sort of support group for people with memory problems. Then, when they're all in one place, we can nuke the site from orbit - just to be sure.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - [clenched fist, closed eyes] Ooooh! I forgot about that meeting....

I'll organise the venue.

jamjar said...

I have akways wanted to go to nigel, just to see if it really esxisted....

Peas on Toast said...

Jamjar - The Ant told me it's not even in this province - but rather Mpumalanga.
Great.

Hot Pink Flush said...

I am quite certain you are working for my old boss, but the industries just don't match.
Wait! perhaps that old bitch found a way to splinter off herself and run multiple crap industry related magazines at once...because I distinctly remember her sending me to somewhere obscure to cover a new brick manufacturer for an architechture mag...

(hang in there Peas, just a few more weeks of her crap...then you can set fire to the office)

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - I'm ceratin this woman can morphe herself into multiple characters. She's halfway there with her split personality...
Yip a few more weeks, and then I'm bunion-free. Hurrah! :)

Jam said...

Count the days....count the days....

Betenoir said...

man, I'm beginning to dislike that woman intensely, and I've never even met her.

Jam said...

lace the coffee...lace the coffeee....

ChewTheCud said...

Nigel is still in Gauteng. Its about 70 kilometers from Joburg. You get there via the N3 or the N17. It won't take more than an hour or so to get there.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - my new mantra: 'count the days 'til I lace her coffee...count the days 'til I lace her coffee...' :)

Betenoir - It's contagious. I've disliked since I was in an incubator with yellow jaundice on the day of my birth...

Chew - You and Nigel are close! Would you happen to have eaten at one of the local grease spots perchance? Can you tell me a little about them? :)
An hour isn't so bad I suppose.

Third World Ant said...

Good news, looked up Nigel, it is in Gauteng after all! They've got a half-decent website too, who'd have thought? Here's a map for you - will show to where the KFC is (looks like that's all they have for lunch, I'm afraid...)

http://www.nigel.co.za/map.htm

Peas on Toast said...

Dude, shot!
Bonus! :)

PS: Guess what I'll be eating for lunch?

Insane Insomniac said...

I grew up in Nigel. If you cast your mind back a few years, that little SA sitcom Vetkoek Paleis was set in Nigel.

ChewTheCud said...

Vetkoek Paleis? Oh man - i just had the most crazy Orkney Snork Nie flashback ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Insane - serr-i-ous? OK, so what do Nigelians do for fun?

Chew - I drive past a sign that says Orkney when I go to C's farm in the Free State. It really exists. Neato, huh? ;)

ChewTheCud said...

hahahaha - you didn't know it was a real place? I've been through Orkney before (note the not stopping part). Also been where C's farm is plenty times ;P

other-duke said...

What a biyaatch. Good news is you won't have to put up with her for much longer

zuzula said...

oh god, they're all the same aren't they?! I feel your pain...

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - Next time I'm in the area, I'll stop for a Maccie D's burger. :)

O-D - ...unless I have to bury her in my garden right? ;)

Zu - All the same. I just hope one day if I get to her level, I'll be different somehow. With morals, memory and a lesser infatuation for cats. :)

storm said...

naaah, peas, i think you'll be just peachy as a boss:-)

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Storm, bless your little cotton socks! :)

storm said...

oh dear...i'm not wearing cotton sock!!! i'm wearing the sweetest little sandals though;-p

do you think you blessing will be clever enough to reroute to those instead of going to my temporarily unused sock in my drawer?

Revolving Credit said...

You got love that map of Nigel, especially the part that say "Some of these roads have not yet been constructed"

There arre 2 such references on the map....WTF.

Chances are that your get there and theres only one road. They've probably be planning the rest since the the 70's.

Peas on Toast said...

Storm - I'm sure I can redirect my blessing dollface.

Rev - so Nargel has one road. I'm confused - because the oke I'm interviewing told me to go through two turning circles and take the third branch to the left.

I really, really hope we're talking about the same town, him and I.

Revolving Credit said...

If you're going, I hope your passport hasn't expired.

Gaby said...

Love your post... I think that i work for the male version of your boss...

DaveRich said...

Nigel, the far east. Remember that SA sitcom a few years ago, "Vetkoek Plaeis". It was set in Nigel. Drop that by the locals and they will be impressed.
I was also at Jolly's last night, getting my Guiness tolerance up for St. Paddy's day on Saturday.

DaveRich said...

Oops, I really should read everyones comments first before I repeat stuff thats already been said...

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - aw shucks. The pages are filled up with schengen visas :)

Gaby - thanks babe, and good luck!

Daverich - You were also at Jolly eh? ;)
Yip, Insano said she grew up there and reminded us of Vetkoek Paleis. Classic!

Heisenburg said...

Nigel exists so that the people in Brakpan can have someone to feel superior to... although, if you carry on with the N17, you eventually get to a place called Evander. Now, if God were ever to decide to give the world an enema, that is where he would shove it in...

Peas on Toast said...

Heisenburg - you're a card! That's HILARIOUS! :)