So Klo popped in for a cuppa over the weekend:
Klo: Yip, it appears even some of the most picturesque relationships have problems.
Peas: Yeah. You know those annoying couples that claim 'they never fight,' and are all over each other every five and a half seconds.
Klo: I know this couple who always seem so...oh my God! Someone has been wiping snot on your walls!
Peas: Beg pardon?
Klo: Look here, right behind the couch! And there's a long nosehair here too. Which could only be from a man.
Peas: Sweet mother's boobs.
Klo: The least they could've done was try and hide it, like further down the wall.
Peas: What bastardo wipes their snot on my wall??? For all I know, it could've been here when I first moved in!
Klo: And look...the person was seriously unhealthy...it's dark. The perpetrator has a mucus problem.
Peas: I have a mucus problem at the moment. You're not suggesting I put snot on my own wall, right?
Klo: No this is a man. This is the work of a mucus-filled man.
Peas: Should I Handy Andy it off, or ask Pretty our maid to do a once over on the walls?
Klo: Put Handy Andy on it now to make sure it loosens. Look, they're glazed. Two little glazed snot blobs.
Peas: Do you think it was one of my previous male companions? You know, and I went to get tea and they stretched backwards and smeared it on the wall?
Klo: I think that's exac....oh wait, look! A fingerprint!
Peas: Do you know any forensics Klo, that would be happy to ID the Snot Man for me?
Klo: No, not as such. But the evidence is here if you ever wish to go ahead with an investigation.
Peas: I'd feel a helluva more comfortable knowing that was my snot. Instead, here we are sitting mere centimetres away from somebody else's bodily protrusions. With a fucking nose hair...Anyway, you were saying about relationships that look picture perfect from the outside that aren't really?
Klo: I know three couples that paint the picket fence, but deep down are seriously unhappy, so I've learnt not to compare my relationsh...
Peas: Sorry, I'm distracted by the snot. Keep talking. I'm just getting the Handy Andy.