Tuesday, April 10, 2007

how to reinvent your own fun, an A-Z

(...when you go to a new club over the weekend)

A is for Ass – make sure yours is wrapped in the tightest pair of jean pant possible.
B is for Bitch – you don't need to be one, when you go to a club where everyone is a stranger.
C is for Charfing and Condoms– Make your way through the establishment by charfing every delectable looking boychie in your site. Big T actually bought me condoms that night from his personal collection because he thought I was going out to get laid. He was wrong.
D is for Dish – One is round and attached to the side of your house, the other is not round and was brushing against my bottom.
E is for Evening – and what a fabulous one it was.
F is for Face – Put yer face on with a trowel.
G is for Good Looking – which, ahem, was me on Friday. And the talent didn't consist of Manhattan's bottom feeders either. I walked up to anyone and anything that looked tasty and, with a smile, said 'Hi! Do you come here often?”
H is for Hat – I didn't go to The, I have a new secret club now.
I is for Itye flatmate – she missed out on a good one, by going home to do love stuff with her boyfriend.
J is or Jaegermeisted Myself – But only twice. OK maybe three times.
K is for Keen- Big T reckons about four okes. Fantastico.
L is for Loser's Complex – For once, after a large night, I didn't get it.
M is for Mates and Men – New Secret Club has millions of beautiful, chiselled strangers therein, but then there're also my mates – E2 and Klo had a great time yesterday, I love them to pieces. We drank too many cocktails. And, there are other men around.
N is for Not Shit – that was my night.
O is for Old Flame – I hadn't seen him in ages. And this one I was happy to see. We had a fantastic catch up.
P is for Peas On Toast – that's me.
Q is for Quiet One – I got home at the decent hour of 2:00am. Way before the party ended.
R is for Rotund – there were no fat people in this club.
S is for Sex and Sunny Delight – My mojo, after some abrupt hibernation, seems to be flickering to life again. Sunny Delight is a brand of Australian OJ.
T is for T, Big – my [future] wingman. Even if people immediately think we're together just because he's a guy and I'm a girl.
U is for Uvula – Mine is sore from singing in the rain. It's the dangly thing at the back of your throat.
V is for Ventriloquist– I don't know one personally.
W is for Water – one drink, one water, one drink, one water. The sensible option.
X is for Xylophone – I don't play it.
Y is for Yak – I scream like one when I boof, or so my roommate says. Like, whatever.
Z is for Zest For Life – I want mine to come back. Friday night was a good start. I think I'll be apples in a few weeks.


jamjar said...

Have you been to the colony recently?think a good saturday night kareoke marathon might bring back some zest??

Peas on Toast said...

Jamjar - promised myself I'd stay away from the classy places like Colony this year. But maybe just one karaoke session...just one :)

Godsgimp said...

I was wondering how X was going to come into it.

Heres another...

X- for x-files, they all looked pretty human to me, fortunately

Peas on Toast said...

Nice! :)

Revolving Credit said...

What does a Yak sounds like??

I'm gonna have to find an audio clip.

PS. To dish is to scoup, as in dish up - sounds like someone was trying to scoup your ass...noice china!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - arf arf...arf...arf....nnnnnyakkkkkk. Sexy.

Well I'm hoping my bottom at least warranted an EF.

Revolving Credit said...

When you make this sound, are you cumming or going???

as is I'm going to throw up???

Sounds like a vain attempt to hold back a chunder as you dash to the bathroom??

That or trying to moan with your mouth full??

Peas on Toast said...

I was hoping you'd ask me what an EF is :)

But nevermind - I actually moan seductively during boofing. I can't vouch for the yak. I've never heard one in the wild.

GoDsGiMp said...

cumming or going...

rev- you make the world go round

Revolving Credit said...

Ok, so what does EF stand for??

I had assumed it meant effort, oh well.

Gimp, I think sometimes it's more a case of :
'Stop the world, I wanna get off'

GoDsGiMp said...

Okay so when you do a search for Yak mating call on google..

One of the top three returns is PEAS ON TOAST

thats when you know..

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - an Eye Fuck. One of my guy mates told me that I got an Eye Fuck yesterday. Which was..um, nice.

Godsgimp - yak boofing is synonymous with my site. Lock and load :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, sounds like you just got an Ear Full!

kabintsimbi said...

*Sigh* you are on the mend...sounds like you had yourself a merry little time...yay!

So, um, where's this club you hint so often about? Go on...

ps: you see the Home & Away marathon on the wkend?

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - I sure hope so lady :)
But alas, I can't give my new club away. It's top top secret.
I did see the marathon of H & A over the weekend though - magic! :)

ChewTheCud said...

hehe - those sherpas must have a hard time milking those yaks. All the yaks moaning and groaning. A yak probably sounds like this - "mmmrrmm, ooooo, mmmrmm, ooooooohh yyeeeaahh".

OR something similar to this...

Peas on Toast said...

Chews - oh my fuck, that's hysterical.

Please may I NOT sound like that during, um, fornication! :)

mike said...

what the hell is CHRAFING?

Peas on Toast said...

Mike - it's when you put your face on, get your spade out/or bulldozer keys depending on how intense you want to be - and flirt the doondies off someone.

You know, a lekker charf. :)

DaveRich said...

Doohood, Chewy by the sounds of things you were milking a male yak.

Jam said...

H is for Hola. B is for Barcelona. Although I do love your A-Z. I´m eyes deep in vino. xxx

Peas on Toast said...

Hola Jam! Hows my sinorita??
I miss you!

Jam said...

kiss kiss. jam is almost cool. miss you too.