I've even left the heels at home, in case there's a scuffle and I need to make a quick getaway.
MTN has had my phone for five months.
It went in for repairs (under warranty) in January. Then Nokia decided to pull itself out of the South African cellphone loop for a while.
MTN did not tell me this had happened.
MTN did not return my thousand calls made from my crappy 'loan phone'
MTN didn't offer to replace my phone with another model
MTN did jack shit.
I started off my scene as such: “I apologise, teller lady, for what you are about to endure. I realise you only work here. But your day is about to get a whole lot worse.”
I explained that I am not leaving the building until I have my phone. That I am still paying for, month after month. I also offered them their loan phone back because it's their phone, not mine. I also said that until I get a phone, any phone, I expect my subscription to be paid back to me.
I was super reasonable. Until the little itch below my cerebral cortex started throbbing, begging me to let it loose in a medieval persuasion.
I dropped a really loud,
“I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF NOKIA ISN'T IN THE COUNTRY ANYMORE. HOW IS THIS MY PROBLEM? DID YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS – LIKE ONCE?? OVER THE LAST FIVE MONTHS? NO YOU BLOODY WELL DIDN'T.”
Customers started to openly gawk. One man tried to smile at me. I think I hissed at him. Like a black mamba ready to strike and pump it's unwitting victim full of neurotoxic poison that would later asphyxiate it.
The MD was called. She was holding a sedation device. A long metal thingie, with a long proboscis and a vial full of sedatory medication. Not actually, but that might be something she should look into.
She then offered me a downgrade. A phone that still has a long aerial sticking out of it, non-colour screen. I had that same phone five years ago.
“I deserve an upgrade, if anything, lady. FOR WAITING FOR YOU FOR FIVE MONTHS.”
She said that the shipment of Nokia equipment was on its way from Sweden as we speak, and the little matter of Nokia pulling out of the country is now suddenly fixed.
WHAT THE FUCK? “Get the Swedes on the line, I wanna talk to them. Now”
She: That's simply not possible.
“And why not?”
She: They speak Swedish.
Oh my aching Ikea. So apparently after blowing a gasket, I still left sweating and without a phone. Tuesday, she reckons I will have a new phone. When the shipment of Nokias arrive from fucking Stockholm.
She emailed me to tell me I must pick it up at 11:00am:
Y'ello Peas On Toast
Thank you for voicing your concerns and sorry about
They say y'ello is the colour that most encourages suicide.
But onto more bearable things: so excited. C and I have been flying under the radar this year in light of going huge. Last year was crazy, but we've decided to bring back a little bit of 2006. Jolly Roger last night was a start to our newfound social interest. We're back. And we're on form.