Thursday, April 12, 2007

yellow is not always mellow

I glibly stalk into MTN yesterday, having mentally prepared for the mother of all fights with first the lady at the teller station, and then security, who may try to handcuff and march me across the road to Sandton Police Station for gross misconduct.

I've even left the heels at home, in case there's a scuffle and I need to make a quick getaway.

MTN has had my phone for five months.

It went in for repairs (under warranty) in January. Then Nokia decided to pull itself out of the South African cellphone loop for a while.

MTN did not tell me this had happened.
MTN did not return my thousand calls made from my crappy 'loan phone'
MTN didn't offer to replace my phone with another model
MTN did jack shit.

I started off my scene as such: “I apologise, teller lady, for what you are about to endure. I realise you only work here. But your day is about to get a whole lot worse.”

I explained that I am not leaving the building until I have my phone. That I am still paying for, month after month. I also offered them their loan phone back because it's their phone, not mine. I also said that until I get a phone, any phone, I expect my subscription to be paid back to me.

I was super reasonable. Until the little itch below my cerebral cortex started throbbing, begging me to let it loose in a medieval persuasion.
I dropped a really loud,
“I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF NOKIA ISN'T IN THE COUNTRY ANYMORE. HOW IS THIS MY PROBLEM? DID YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS – LIKE ONCE?? OVER THE LAST FIVE MONTHS? NO YOU BLOODY WELL DIDN'T.”

Customers started to openly gawk. One man tried to smile at me. I think I hissed at him. Like a black mamba ready to strike and pump it's unwitting victim full of neurotoxic poison that would later asphyxiate it.

The MD was called. She was holding a sedation device. A long metal thingie, with a long proboscis and a vial full of sedatory medication. Not actually, but that might be something she should look into.

She then offered me a downgrade. A phone that still has a long aerial sticking out of it, non-colour screen. I had that same phone five years ago.

“I deserve an upgrade, if anything, lady. FOR WAITING FOR YOU FOR FIVE MONTHS.”

She said that the shipment of Nokia equipment was on its way from Sweden as we speak, and the little matter of Nokia pulling out of the country is now suddenly fixed.
WHAT THE FUCK? “Get the Swedes on the line, I wanna talk to them. Now”
She: That's simply not possible.
“And why not?”
She: They speak Swedish.

Oh my aching Ikea. So apparently after blowing a gasket, I still left sweating and without a phone. Tuesday, she reckons I will have a new phone. When the shipment of Nokias arrive from fucking Stockholm.

She emailed me to tell me I must pick it up at 11:00am:
Y'ello Peas On Toast
Thank you for voicing your concerns and sorry about our crap customer service, our inability to contact you in five months your hernia.


They say y'ello is the colour that most encourages suicide.

But onto more bearable things: so excited. C and I have been flying under the radar this year in light of going huge. Last year was crazy, but we've decided to bring back a little bit of 2006. Jolly Roger last night was a start to our newfound social interest. We're back. And we're on form.

36 comments:

Nessers said...

What you should do is write to a newspaper and also to the head honcho's at Nokia and MTN telling them how uselss they all are not just complaining to the branch MD who really won't get into any kind of kak unless her boss is aware of the fact that she is useless. You could do some real damage here *evil laugh*. Keep us informed

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - Perhaps I should rewire the email to the head guy. I'll keep you informed.

Louisa said...

Not sure about MTN, but Vodacom get very inspired to help when you write to Hellopeter.com

Good luck!

Peas on Toast said...

Louisa - Our little friend hellopeter - worth some thought, thanks babe!

C4 said...

Peas- post a comment on Hello Peter. I had such problems with Nashua Mobile and they jumped through hoops to help me out only once i had told the world about how shocking their service was! They'll most likely give you some money back....

Peas on Toast said...

C4 - Thanks my little lovebundle :)
I'm convinced!

boldly benny said...

OH MY WORD, I feel your pain! Last year my shitting phone didn't work for eight months of the ten months I owned it. Look it was largely my fault since I chose the phone on the grounds that it was pink and pretty but the battle I had with Vodacom was enough to make me mental. I felt like I was talking it such circles and actually getting nothing done about it! Annoying! I, like you, had to resort to banshee screaming until they finally gave me a new phone!

joe said...

I agree with C4 - get on to hellopeter.com . The idea is to squeeze as much money out of these behemoths as possible! You deserve it! Oh, and maybe this little corporate rant will win you another Bloggie Award :-)

Peas on Toast said...

Boldly - it's sad that we have to resort to fish wife screaming to get anything done around here eh? The MD has followed up on my account request saying they'll only renumerate me for a month. Humph.

Joe - I doubt it babe, but thanks anyway :)
Hellopeter is looking like the way forward here!

Betenoir said...

MTN is the devil. Also yellow is the colour of wee. Get your phone and change to Virgin, which, although imperfect, deal with your problems in a cheerful, friendly and polite manner, and have a sense of humour.

Revolving Credit said...

Tell them that you'll like to port your number to Vodacom and you'll not be paying out the balance of the contract period as you to not get the service that you signed up for. They can keep the phone.

New contract means new phone (brand new up-to-date phone), they may even waive the migration charge if you give them the whole sob story.

Peas on Toast said...

Betenoir and Rev - I thereatened them with this too.
The question is - which one do I go for? So many choices!

Billy said...

Rev makes a good point there Peas. If you dont get sorted out in the next 48hrs cancel and move.With MTN i have found that by being the worlds bigest prick was the only way i got my phone problems fixed.

Im on a colision course with Audi which i never thought i would have to endure with a brand like them. I cant say anything yet for fear of having my ass sued but if they dont sort out some rather costly issues (300k plus) between us i will be launching a full on publicity assualt which is going to expose some very scary things.

HooX said...

Oh I LOVE a good vicious verbal ass-kicking! Or the more PC version, Stern Talking To.
Damn now I'm all worked up and have to go and find someone to kick, repeatedly.
I wont have to look too far I'm sure.
I have an idea. Thanks!

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - hectic! I'm sorry to hear this - R300K?? Make sure you keep us in the loop if the shit falls down. Fuck. It sounds like a monster!

Hoox - I have some suggestions of asses you can kick babe, if you get stuck :)

Antoine said...

If Peas signed up with Virgin would that not be false advertising......

*duck*

Revolving Credit said...

Antoine, don't your recall previously, during the quite stint she had, it grew back!!

Billy said...

You will be the first to know Peas, believe me.

Peas on Toast said...

Antoine - ha ha ha! Cos all marketing ploys speak the truth :)

Rev - it's back. I'm hornier than a goat on horny goat weed.

Billy - excellent. Good luck mate. x

Billy said...

Hide your sons people; Peas is back......

acidicice said...

*ahem* I work for the opposition so I cannot really comment on the saga - although I must say that I find that phone repairs are a problem across the industry because the manufacturers are up to shit. Manufacturers don't have enough 'presence' in South Africa and don't take responsibility for the mass produced shit they churn out.

I definitely back the recommendations of Hello Peter - I've gotten problems sorted out through them. The fun part is also to read other people's complaints and realize that you are not alone.

Sarah said...

We need Isabel Jones and Fair Deal back. I remember yeeeaaaarrrssssss ago watching that woman scare the hell out of the companies that give crap service.

lordwiggly said...

Well at least MTN gave you a loan phone. Ive had my fair share of hassles with them but the grass is never greener. There is only 1 Nokia-approved repair centre in the country (for level 3 repairs) and once you've visited them you will decide that maybe Nokia is not the way to go. Or any other cellphone for that matter. We should all just get some empty yoghurt cans, poke a hole in the bottoms and attach them all with string.

Peaches said...

My shattered nerves.

Y'ellow can get stuffed!

Peas on Toast said...

Acidicice - the opposition eh? I like you babe, I really do :)
It does sound like a manifesting manufacturing problem indeed. Thing is, us customers aren't made aware of this.

Sarah - Remember old Izzy? God I loved her. She was Carte Blanche with a personality, and now she's gone and sold out and become the Verimark infomercials lady.

Wiggly - I always liked Nokia cos it's user friendly, and if I drop it a thousand times, it doesn't break. Unlike other models I've used.

Peaches - and they say yellow is the colour of the season. Sheesh :)

acidicice said...

In the industry we tend to say things like "If your TV breaks are you going to complain to the SABC?" Same kind of principle applies - but most consumers aren't necessarily aware of "the bigger picture". I know what you mean - I remember when I didn't work for a cellular network - I would have lost my mind!

I have to say that I HATE NOKIA! I've had about 5 and never NOT had problems....my old 3310 met it's end against a wall.

I'm a Sony Ericsson junkie now :)

Shaun said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shaun said...

So the Nokia equipment was on it's way from Sweden?

No wonder its a f-up - Nokia is a Finnish company, and they speak Finnish, not Swedish...

Oh, and when I worked there I swear they spoke to me in perfect bloody English. I definitely don't speak Finnish, at least.

I'm on my fifth attempt at getting my contract transferred into my name. By and large I've given up - my 6210 will suffice a short while longer. I hope.

Peas on Toast said...

Acidicice - ...well one's thing for certain: I'll never do Samsung again! :)

Shaun - wahahahaha - that's hilarious! "They speak Swedish" - (No they bloody well don't!)
Well done on pointing it out - endless chuckles :)

Dr Marcus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sad little troll said...

Whoops, cocked that one up. Bit more research next time you make something up, OK?

Koekie said...

"Oh my aching Ikea..."
Poetry.

There's nothing quite like a public temper tantrun to get the adrenalin pumping. Hope it works out!

Peas on Toast said...

Koeks - how you my little Den Haagen lady!

Let's hope eh? ;)

Craig said...

They pulled the wool over your eyes with their bullsh!t excuse. Nokia phones originate in Finland not Sweden. Sweden is the home of Ericsson.

interrupted girl said...

Well, thanks for having that fight for me. Now i don't have to bother. Which is a good thing cause I don't think homicide would look good on my record at this point in time.

Hollywoodgal said...

Peas, you'll be pleased to hear that I forwarded your post to a friend who is the former head of networking for MTN and he in turn forwarded your post to the CEO of MTN SA. Soooooo.... we'll see what comes of that! Fun, fun, fun.