Friday, April 20, 2007

I'm ready

It's nuts really. How when there's a shit storm above your head so large and bulging, and everything, but everything, is out to get you, you envision yourself being delivered to a padded cell which you'll paw endlessly for weeks, while being sedated and frontal lobotomied.

In other words, it's hard to find the small things that are fantastic fantastic, when everything else in your life has gone franki bananas.

God: Well Peas, I'm afraid it's not over.
Peas: Why is that God? Surely a break-up, a special ex's engagement, a cold sore in my fucking NOSE and tonsilitis should do it? You know, pay me back for every single bad thing I've ever done?
God: Nope. Fraid not.
Peas: You sure? I mean, I'm close to hurling myself out of my lounge window right this second. Or maybe a toaster in the bath should do it. Or maybe just thousands of sleeping pills.
God: I tell you what, something bad will happen this weekend, but then, well, because I'm feeling nice – I'll throw in a free cell phone.
Peas: Really? A free cell phone?
God: Well actually I was kidding about the cell phone.
Peas: Oh.
God: You'll get a new one from MTN, and it will be a nice one, but there's no such thing as a free lunch, my child.

I hold onto the small things that keep me from overdosing on Vicodin, however. Even still.
Because although I'm shrouded in misery, I hate feeling like this.

My flatmate and I had a photo shoot yesterday, in our living room. She was the photographer, I was her [inflamed at the neck and baggy eyed] model.

I needed photos for a story that is being written about me, and I needed photos for the column that I'll be writing freelance.
We took photos of the side without the fudging cold sore.
Abstract shots, not of my face or body in its entirety. (Had I agreed to a face full frontal – I would've been offered the cover. No, the cover. This is super exciting, but I declined the full shot.)

Never before have I had the chance to scream from the rooftops: “Hey! I was almost on the cover of a magazine!” And now I do. So that's nice.

I also heard from one of the most amazing and regal women I've ever known. I love and respect her so much. For six years, she was my other mum. I cried a lot.

But, careerwise, it's all happening. If only these things weren't so balanced. As in, I am not doing so hot in the love department, yet my writing is being recognised.
If I had the choice, I'd have turned down the cover simply if it made everything suddenly alright. Not even a question:

God: I'll make you a deal.
Peas: Yes?
God: You turn down the cover, and I'll say, grant you comfort sex from a tall, dark and handsome stranger, with the possibility that he may just be....perfect.
Peas: Sold.

I'm waiting.


Anonymous said...

You know what, it's not all bad. At least you have the most awesome friends around you. I wish I had friends who rallied around me when i have problems, but i don't. BUT after all that you have been through, there is still life and a life that YOU can make the most of. I have just broken up after a 2.5 year relationship which I was SO sure was going to end up in marriage, but it didn't. As much as it hurts, I have decided that I just can't let it bog me down. I am in a great place with my career (as are you) and I am going to put all my effort and extra free time into that.

Ok, but as I type all of this, I have to say that my ex and I are still great friends, a little weird, but it is great.

Keep your friends close to you P, you deserve them :)

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Justin - absolutely. My mates have been my family. I don't know what I'd do without them. You're right - it's not all bad, it's just been bad this month.
I'm sorry to hear about your ex - and you have the right attitude about it. As long as it doesn't hurt you being mates - it can when you both get new partners.
Good luck with it all. xx

kabintsimbi said...

why don't you just hire all the best chick flicks & vegetate on the couch for a day or two, under the covers. Or, read a book. Surely, with all these 'amazing' meds they dish out these days, you should be well back on the road to recovery by now.

On another note...what mag...go on, give us a clue! Ooh, are you going to be the new 'Upfront woman' in Cosmo or something.

By the way...couldn't you ask God to spare a few more of those tall, dark & handsome strangers...I'd really like one too, thanks :)

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - I hear you my love. I've been vegging on the couch for the last week. Now I'm ready to hit the weekend with a vengeance (although no on antibiotics still), but am ready to shake my tailfeather a little :)

As soon as I know it's official, I'll let you know which one I'm in, promise. Altho it's not Cosmo :)

PS: God, please grant both me and Kab a perfect stranger...

ChewTheCud said...

so you turned down full frontal peas? Spoilsport ;) Although we understand - you'd probably have had to shave first ;)

The perfect stranger thing seems to be a theme today. You'd better preempt everyone and wish for one for all the single female bloggers out there ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - lol! I'll shave my nethers for the camera when they show me the money. :) But even then, my poen is shy.

Hot Pink Flush said...

hey peas babe.
Shame. I know how crap that whole speil is. Been sick with pneumonia myself. (actually passed out in exclusive books - rather dramatic methinks).
don't know what to say about all the shiteness except, this too shall pass.
Hang in there honey.

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - thaks babe. You passed out in Exclusive! That's hectic babe, way more hectic than me - I hope you get better soon! xx

Koekie said...

Wow, you must've really pissed off the gods to deserve a cold sore in your shnoz. That's some vindictive punishment... you might want to find a nun to help across the road asap.

Congrats on all the writing stuff - well deserved!

Peas on Toast said...

Koeks..I know..then he had to go and frigging plant a herpes blister in my schnozz. I mean, of all the nerve :)

It'll be ok though. I've decided this weekend WILL be amazing.

Thanks babe, how's the job hunting going your side of Den Globe?

kyknoord said...

Sod it! I'm only 5'8", although I am stranger than most.

zuzula said...

the only way is up hon! x

Koekie said...

Still no luck. I swing between wanting a job... and wishing I could go jobless and supported for a long, long time. But then I always swing straight back to: "when I start earning euros, I can buy those shoes that I keep idolising on the High street..."

It's a moral conundrum.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - whatcha doing tonight, stranger? ;)

Zu - it has to be, it just HAS TO BE.

Koeks - ah babe, holding thumbs for you so tightly! And when it does happen, promise me the first thing you'll buy is shoes. Promise me.

Grimble said...

Kab, I don't think Cosmo makes you take your own photographs when they do shoots. I believe they have people for that.

ThomG said...

It has been my experience that love and career never, ever mesh into one fabulous partnership, dear Peas. And remember, you cause your own chaos. We all do. And if I was anywhere near S.A., I would totally be your tall, dark stranger.

Peas on Toast said...

Thom G - well if you ever visit, you know who to call :)

Grimble said...

Hey, someone is writing an article about Peas! Did you see? No seriously, she said so in this post! Go Peas! Peas is awesome!

So glad that Peas tells us when people are writing about her. Otherwise we might miss it. Thanks, Laurian!

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