Art gallery lady: yes
Peas: Excellent. I sent an image of my latest artwork, did you get it?
Lady: Well I received one of soap dispensers...
Peas: That's the one! What did you think?
Lady: Well, it's um, not exac...
Peas: Do you think you can select my latest piece if
Lady: Are you an artist?
Peas: Yes, I became an artist yesterday.
Lady: I see.
Peas: I was thinking that you guys could display it in your reception area.
Lady: Just describe it again, please, because we might not be talking about the same image here.
Peas: Well, it’s a tower of strategically placed soap dispensers. It’s called ‘Le toilette de la Jolly Roger.”
Lady: Right. Why would you think that is art?
Peas: Well excuse me, it just happens to be modern art, that exudes the waste and dilapidation of today’s youth. It's misunderstood, which metaphorically describes my life right now. It’s contemporary without being completely crude, yet is cutting edge and reeks of confident hedonism.
Lady: No, you see we are contemporary. We're not modern. But let me take your details.
Peas: I’d prefer to stay anonymous if that’s alright.
Lady: How come?
Peas: I nicked the dispensers from the Jolly Roger and I don’t want to be caught.
Lady: Look, we receive requests for this type of thing every now and then, and even some of the most professional artists don’t appeal to our tastes. Can I make a recommendation?
Peas: But I want to go in this gallery....I've already told all my friends to come see it this Saturday.
Peas: How much do you think I could get for this?
Lady: Ito be perfectly frank, around five bob.
Peas: Well that’s a little insulting.
Lady: Yes, but we showcase esteemed South African contemporary artists in our gallery, and I’m afraid its not to our tastes.
Peas: But if I sell it at Art in Park at Zoo Lake, my friends will laugh at me.
Lady: I'm sorry, but you're going to have to think of other options other than Everard Read.
Peas: And if I added a toilet roll holder on the top? Or maybe, like, a tap or someth..
[phone goes dead]
PS: Delighted, though! the muso's girlfriend, who happens to be a clothing designer new to the scene, gave me a gorgeous dress and fahb-u-lous satin top to wear. It's Christmas! Look out for her label, Silas in Sowearto, amongst other stores in Joburg. Funky, fabulous and beautiful.
PA: Was gonna call this art 'Spencer.' With a 'please don't diss Spencer' sign attached....yeah. OK. Enough.