Thursday, May 24, 2007

freezing meetings

I had a good meeting last night with my most recent ex, Dick.
There were a few questions answered, and one thing that I went away with that is very important: I'm not a random, and I was cared for.
There is nothing worse than believing that you were just another fling, just another somebody.
I've had that before.
And I care for him deeply too, so it was a positive meet-up.
We had hot-toddies and chicken soup because it's so fucking freezing right now.

On the way home, sniffling with a head cold and looking far from beautacious, some oke behind me starts hooting and waving enthusiastically. I thought it was a mate, so I waved back.
Rolls down window.
“I think you are absolutely stunning.”
I put out a very unfeminine snort. “Who, me? Are you blind, farker?”
“Come have coffee with me. Right now. Come on.”
Peas: No. Dude. You're a stranger, and could be a rapist motherfucker, so no.
“Where you going now?”
Peas: Home. To my husband.
“That's ok, may I have your number?”
Peas: Sure. 083 Y-E-A-H-R-I-G-H-T.

It's not complete pants, I suppose.
My husband is my vibrator. The Bushwhacker 3 000. But even he seems to be packing in from the cold. Useless (plastic) prick.

PS: Regarding the post below: See all you in the fiery furnace. It's going to be one helluva party, fuckers, this will be my tombstone encryption one day. The Ant said she'd make sure of it, and will sort out the funeral arrangements.

I'm not being morbid – I'm actually feeling happy at the moment, farkers.


boldly benny said...

Well done on meeting the ex doll, it takes alot of courage but probably helped you get your head right.
And hey, it's always great to get a compliment even if it comes from a random stranger!

Peas on Toast said...

Boldly - absolutely. It takes courage, but it's nice to set things straight. And as for the random - I had to laugh. :)

boldly benny said...

ha ha, my sister just e-mailed me to tell me that as she was walking into work from car some random screamed, "WOOHOO, you are SO SHEKSEY!"
I love it!

Peas on Toast said...

Lol! Must be this cold weather giving guys the courage to scream out lustfully!

Daytripper said...

On The way from seeing the ex some random hits on you... now THAT's what is called rebound!

Peas on Toast said...

ha ha Daytripper, nay nay. :)

ChewTheCud said...

Hehe - Must be all this cold weather affecting you girls (or your nipps) which is affecting the guys ;P

Get one of those bushwacker's that you can fill with hot water ;P

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - you get bushwhackers you can fill with water? Seriously?

I are wearing the jean pant said...

I could mail you a catalogue :)

Peas on Toast said...

Jeanpant - it's funny, cos some of my mates have the fancy ones with all the bells and whistles. Bushy is your standard pink penis. And I dig him that way. But maybe it is time for an upgrade....

ChewTheCud said...

Seriously. Its hollow and you can fill it with whatever you want ;P

How come even I know these things and you don't? (Rev - insert comment here)

Revolving Credit said...

"My husband is my vibrator"

Well, I supposed that the Bushwhacker has been wearing your ring!

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like Chewy's been playing 'dunk the vibrator'!

ChewTheCud said...

Rev - would that be like bobbing for apples?

Revolving Credit said...

Chewy, sounds like you plan on sticking your head in a barrel of KY and bobbing for Bushwhackers???

Talk about getting your head lubed!!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - oh my god. You. You. I can always rely on you for a comeback like that. Always. :)

Chew - I need pictures.

ChewTheCud said...

It's gonna be like a lucky dip of assorted toys. Bushwackers, anal plugs/beads, strapons etc. What we really want is a big enough barrel so people can dive right in and see what fits ;)

kyknoord said...

So that's why I keep getting these damned "private" calls. I KILL YOU NOW!!!

Peas on Toast said...


(The Ant will sort out funeral arrangements)

Hot Pink Flush said...

Bushie may be big, but the best toy in the world comes in a lipstick-sized me

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - no! Seriously??? What's its name?

8ball said...

'Noon Peas

As a newbie who was very recently referred to your page (for reasons that may soon become clear), and as a believer that not enough credit is given in this world when it is due, I just got to say I love your vibe.
In fact, you may just have converted a hardcore Mellor/Rotherham supporter.

That should be cryptic enough for now - love your work....soon will know you well enough to be invited to the funeral (please inform Ant)

Peas on Toast said...

8ball - well thanks dollface!
You make me blush. I'll ensure that you get included in the funeral procession :)

Revolving Credit said...

Cool, lets have a funeral pyre.

Thats like having a wake and a braai all in one!

Spencer Eggworth said...

I resent being called a farker. If you replaced the F with a W and the R with N, you be more on target.


Peas on Toast said...

Spencer - hahah. OK, wanker.