Monday, May 14, 2007

Hexcessive weekend

I can't stop talking like a pikey.

I fink I may av a problem.

I spent the weekend surrounded by boys, which was very orrrr-eye.
For a solid 48 hours, C and I found it physically impossible to not talk like chavs. Trust me, we tried. Face? Bovvered? Regardez mon visage, regardez mon visage? Je suis pas bovvered.

Anyway, I had two seriously hectic double benders. C's party first, then the Mandog with the lads, bouncing on them shoulders all night long (bouncing on his shoulders, not bouncing on him, I didn't get a jolly roger)

Saturday morning I got a little bout of loser's complex (from bouncy to bovvered, then to bouncy again) - only to hit the Colony Arms hard with C and the lads all over again.
Hexcessive.

Everyone fought me and my brevren were from England and some people told us we were bovvering them so we should hactually just go back to Croydon or wherevver our council houses were.
“But you fancy us,” and telling people with bar rash, “You should be wearing SPF 30.”
Obnoxious chavs. The worst kind.

An ex, at the Mandog:
Ex: You smoking?
Peas: No I aint.
Ex: But I can see it in your hand.
Peas: Not I aint.
Ex: But you're holding a cigarette, I can see. It. In. Your. Hand.
Peas: I'm not though.
Ex: But..
Peas: No, I'm not though (takes a puff)
Ex: Anyway, ok, whatever.

Went to a braai and by the end of the night we all had the following written across our faces in cover stick (pasty is tasty)
Vagina (Later Va – Ina. The g got rubbed out)
Bitch
Poen
Noep
Pikey
Minger
Chav

Excessive. I'm done wiff it now, I promise.
Well almost.

This and this will give you a mere taste of the past 48 hours.

13 comments:

Peaches said...

Am I bovvered? Am. I. Bovvered?

Catherine Tate is hillarious!

Peas on Toast said...

Peaches - Isn't she a scream??
Face? Bovvered?

I think she may have even passed Eddie Izzard in my books - whenever I see these clips, I laugh my noggin off.

boldly benny said...

I love it! Sounds like you had a brilliant one!

Peas on Toast said...

Boldly - it was car-ayzzeee. But so much fun! :)

Revolving Credit said...

R U still wlking around with them words written on your face?

Peas on Toast said...

No I has wiped vem off and put my face on.

Revolving Credit said...

I'm quite impressed with the whole writing on the face thing - I never realised that you Chav's knew how to spell.

Peas on Toast said...

We don't mate. :)

kyknoord said...

So that's what VAINA means. I tried Googling it, but I only got "computational visual neuroscience" and stuff in Spanish.

Betenoir said...

Yeabutnobutyeahbut...Lke, as long as you don't make it a habit..yeah?

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - VAINA?

Bete - yeah, butit'snota'abityeah,buti'mnotbovveredifitis.

Inyoka said...

Dint kno you ad estates an chavs in Jowburg yeah? Bit of a bovver innit, innit?

Peas on Toast said...

Inyoka - Mate, Jowburg and estates go and in and. It's a bit of a bovver, but if you see my face, I'm not really bovvered.