Thursday, May 03, 2007

a pile of soap dispensers - except not

It's no surprise that I ended up at the Dodgy Roger last night.
With all the shit I've been through I've gravitated towards its
constant awesomeness like a small Chinese kid gravitates towards
chess. Or Maths. Or Alsatian sex.

The thing about my favourite drinking establishment is that unlike the
majority of drinking establishments found in the Parkhurst area you
cannot judge this book by it's proverbial cover. I promise, this is
something you don't want to do. Sure the tomato sauce dripping down
the walls resembles a murder-scene; sure the cap of the peri-peri
sauce is caked closed and full of oily fingerprints; sure the chairs
don't actually have any sort of material on them, but really, it's
something you have to look past.

For the 2 hours I was in the Roger's company, I had a fairly fantastic
time. I met some Italian dude (with enough oil on his skin to open his
own KFC franchise) trying to convince me that he's a Soapie star back
in Rome. He had a friend with him who if he was 3 months older
would've been in serious trouble. I mean serious. Like the end of The
Departed serious.

He asked me for my number but I thought it prudent to decline the kind
offer. It helped; looks like my latest bout of The Loser's
won't last too long.

Didn't help with the horniness though.


Billy said...

Bushwacker in for repairs?

ChewTheCud said...

I really hope you don't know any Chinese people. I really hope they're not reading this ;P

Was this guy a Soapie star or an Oilie star? Maybe he just needs to use more soap ;P

Jam said...


Third World Ant said...

Serious? or steamy, like the Titanic scene steamy? (or is that greasy, like the human fat scene in Trainspotting greasy?)

Peaches said...

Love a good oily grease monkey. Did he have a pony-tail??


fush and chips said...

ant, I believe the cringeworthy human fat scene was Fight Club. When I'm big I want to be Edward Norton. Jane from London says The Painted Veil's pretty good too.

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - it's playing...up :)

Chew - he needs the three step challenge. Soap, toner and...actually just two steps is fine.

Jam - hugs back :)

Ant - eeew. For both scenes, really. :)

Peaches - worse. He had long, flowing locks. No ponytail. :(

Revolving Credit said...

A self-lubricating Italian?
There has to be a market for that somewhere.

He probably think he is a sextoy.

Was the other guy his agent or his pimp?

When it comes down to it, is there a difference??

Da Mario said...

Lol... good luck with getting the screwable dudes back in your life.
And Alsation sex?? What the... ?

I are wearing the jean pant said...

I recommend bartenders :)

hot pink flush said...


kyknoord said...

Prudence on Toast? Hmmm...

Kevin Cadman said...

I've heard Alsatian Sex is the new black. I saw this HOT Alsatian the other day, she was taken though ;(

fush and chips said...

Aaah... the dubious charms of the jollonic (Colonic Arms and Jolly Dodger have fused in my mind).

maurice said...

Just read Champage Hethean blog and told her what I think of it. Yours however, is even more crap. I mean, are pepole reading this stuff? For real? Jesus!

Revolving Credit said...

Dear Maurice

Seeing as spelling is obviously not your strongpoint, I will summise that your literary appreciation is of equal standard.

But please feel free to revisit these blogs once you have completed
grade school.

(if you find that any of the words or phrases used in these posts or comments are to complex or to confusing, please ask your nanny to explain them to you)

Kind regards

GoDsGiMp said...

Dear Maurice

Did your parents hate you too?

Peas on Toast said...

Maurice - can I read your blog?

Rev - Nanny's always have the best bosom's don't they? :)

Godsgimp - it's a sad, sad fate when your folks hate you.

Kevin Cadman said...

Maurice: I know bro! This is possibly the worst post I've ever seen on this site. Definitely not of Peas' calibre! Hopefully tomorrow's post will be better, this one was crap. :)

Hee hee. Inside joke.

Maurice, I'd love to read your blog. Thnx bye.

Champagne Heathen said...

Ah, so this is where Maurice got to. I had been wondering where he up and left for just as I was getting into a debate with him about his comments.

I think I will leave him here though, if you don't mind Peas. Although, he does seem to have scampered on to leave more attacking comments.

Jam said...

It's seasonal. It must be. People who don't like winter. Going around and attacking blogs. It's quite sad, really, that they need to warm themselves up like this.

Anton said...

Maurice... yes an interesting case.

I wonder. Based on the limited information I have, from his posts, both at Champagne's site, and yours, Pea, is this:

He could be young, in his late teens, but I suspect early twenties. His mother doesn't hate him. His mother says things like, "You are handsome."

Sure, most mothers do, because mothers are mothers and even Maurice's probably obeys her genetic disposition to liking him.

He's probably got a couple of friends, although all are male. It's unlikely he is close to any female relatives, nor does he have female friends of any sort.

He finds it difficult to communicate to woman in the real world, and has probably had his heart broken once or twice, not in a relationship, but because his intentions were rejected.

So he is harbouring a misogny habit (personally I don't think women are worse than man, just crap in a different way - which is why I'm a misanthropist: however I don't go after people to offend them without due cause. People who do have issues or just really pissed off with their lives and find convenient easy targets).

Anyway, I'm guessing he targets popular female bloggers as a way of venting his frustration with how his real life is going. Hitting out at easy targets, who can't really hit back. However, and this is key to the troll mentality, unlike in real life, bloggers don't ignore trolls, and by ignore I mean shut out of the circle. Trolls operate on a "if I can't be famous, I'll be infamous" vibe. So he gets his kicks in having popular girls actually paying attention to him, even if it's because he's delibrating trying to annoy or upset them.

And so it goes.

Problem is, Maurice, lacking any real substance in his life, only gets a short term kick. Like a junkie, he goes to get another fix. When he's bored/retreats because his lack of real human interaction makes him vulnerable to certain retorts that bug him even though he's "anonymous" (riiight, maybe for most people, Mauricey-boy, but, as the old saying goes, the Devil is in the Details)so he'll switch.

Maurice: if what I say has some reverberation - which I suspect it does - it's not your fault. You are a product of so many things: genetics being even slightly different, and you would be the cool guy with all the chicks, not the miserable guy who needs to offend them to get his kicks. Basic Chaos Theory. It's not in your control.

But what you do with it is. Go study martial arts, be hardcore not lazy, so you can beat me up for reading you so well. Maybe you'll pick up some discipline and self-respect along the way.

Both are things chicks dig. And, for fucks sake, be a real writer. Go sit at a cafe and pretend to read a book while you're studying people around you, learning what being human means. It may be educational - the crap you spewed on Champagne's site showed no real insight into the human condition, just an attempt to insult and get people's backs up.

I don't like the human condition, which is why I'm a misanthropist. But I do like people, and I like what they're occasionally capable of.

Maybe you'll surprise us (in like 4 years time, we're not going to buy it if you try it now or anytime in the next year - we've all done our time at the cafes and we are not as stupid as you may want to believe.

Humans aren't so bad, once you learn to empathise with them and not expect a whole lot from them (and kung-fu is cool, too. You get to say things like, "I know Kung-Fu" and actually mean it.)

So do what you need to do to start actually enjoying your life, and come back once you've got some things to contribute.

Until then, just remember, even if no one else does, your mommy still loves you.

- A