Tuesday, May 22, 2007

spanish optionistas

Palma is working well for The Dove, my mate who moves to London for three months at a time and then leaves when the other South Africans start pissing her off.

She teaches English to Spanish spawn. While trying to get her film career off the ground. Besides little Miguel's snot problem – she's having a grand old time:

To: peasontoast@gmail.com
From: thedove@mail.com
Subject: spaniard muchachos

I known I've gone on about fair bit about greasy spaniards, but my luck is a-changing.
Read away motherfucker.
Then give me your advice. We all know what a relationship expert you are....hahahahaha, yeah right, anyway:


Boy 1: 32, Spanish, lives in LA, screen writer/loaded father, total
player. So good for some things, but potentially damaging emotionally
if goes too far. Therefore, short lived.

Boy 2: 28, Spanish, lives in Madrid, architect, wants more so
avoiding calls on the excuse that my phone is faulty.

Boy 3: 25, Spanish, speaks 5 languages, sound engineer, super
intelligent, possibly wants more than I'm willing to give, very
affectionate, slightly inexperienced, so no go


1: 10/10 - surferish
2: 7/10 - quirky
3: 8/10 - John Lennon resemblance

Chances of continuation:

1: none, 2: none, 3: none

Verdict: Find another one 'cos there are many to choose from.
On that note – you really really would love it here. Just get on a plane already.

I emailed her a few days later to find out whether she'd made a choice, and whether alcohol was involved (or maybe she'd had a fourgy?):

To: thedove@mail.com
From: peasontoast@gmail.com
Subject: conclusion tart

So what happened to the three greasy spaniards? Did they all serenade you under your balcony on a busy cobbled street with roses in between their gnashers?

From: the dove@mail.com
Re: conclusion tart

Well. I haven't kissed anyone in a while. Oh, accept a Spanish girl called Carlotta who was so wasted on ecstasy/coke and obviously thought I might be bi-sexual....

Hmmm, so no.

Boy 1 - Bali surfing and wasting his father's money at the age of 32. E-mailed me nice e-mail though. However, have been warned about him so not sure whether to pursue...

Boy 2 - Avoiding like the plague and my phone is still 'fucked'

Boy 3 - Very kind, will be friends and perhaps watch a few Italian films together, but not much more. Gave me 5 000 songs cos my iPod packed in and many included Bryan Adams and the likes. Therefore not sure about his taste

4.Carlotta - ummmm, female/drug problem

So besides having to wipe Miguel's nose every five seconds – that kid has to see someone about how much snot he generates – I'm good.

From: peasontoast@gmail.com
Re: tart conclusion

1) Maybe just a kafoofle. Just make walls like I do. You know, keep yourself intact and try not to feel anything so you don't get hurt. OK, unreasonable.

2) Change your number.

3)There is NOTHING wrong with Bryan Adams. This guy sounds hottttttt. In fact, can I have his number?

4)This one sounds Value Add. She sounds hotter than a tar road in the Sahara. Hotter than a chav on hecstasy....oh wait.

The Ant and I just went to the Total Garage down the road in our pyjamas and slippers. To get hot chocolate because our ovaries are freezing in the presently bitterly cold Joburg. We looked hot. I'm sure the Mallorcans would think so too. Maybe once I've had a makeover.
Love ya.


kyknoord said...

She should get them together for a bare-knuckle fist-fest to see who is "most worthy". Then, when the winner emerges - bloody and broken, she must announce that she could never be with a violent man. Oh - and of course, this all needs to be uploaded to YouTube.

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah. And she needs to fly me over to get the footage.

I'd make a great camera person. :)

ChewTheCud said...

You ventured out in this cold? Maybe you really are crazy ;P

Hot chocolate comes in tins. You buy them, Just add hot water. Couldn't be simpler. Don't get that instant cup of hot chocolate though, it doesn't get warm enough and tastes crap.

I reckon Dove should try door number 3. If he's a sound engineer he has to have sounds, even if they're dodgy. Hell I even have Bryan in my collection somewhere, don't listen to it though ;P

Third World Ant said...

bbrrrrrrrr! My ovaries are frozen solid! As for Bryan Adams, there's plenty wrong with him. Dove, please keep #3 as far away as possible from Peas, for my sanity's sake, mkay?

Revolving Credit said...

Maybe you should try heating you ovaries from the inside, like a bit of central heating.

Friction = Heat

Peas on Toast said...

Chews - yip, we bought the tinned variety :)
And Bryan is a sex god. :)

Ant - But Bryan is beautiful!

Rev - too cold to even try...

Betenoir said...

Man, your friend sounds kinda... picky. Not that that's a bad thing, necessarily, she just doesn't get to complain, is all.

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - yip, she most certainly shouldn't complain.

But I've been there as well - in the position of choosing between two men. I'm sure she'll work it out. :)

MeeA said...

Peas, tell Dove to start calling Miguel some other name.
I swear, the snot is connected to the name, in whichever language's variation you may encounter it. My three year old's name is Michael, and we often refer to him as Miguel. He subsists almost entirely on snot, despite my best efforts....

Peas on Toast said...

MeeA - that's hilarious! Will definitely pass the message on. :)