Friday, June 22, 2007

cyanide & happiness

I'm feeling so very happy at the moment.

Screw everything that's ever happened to me, I am in a really good place right now. Long may it last – at least until the next chaotic and no doubt dramatic fuck up – life is good. I love my work (all the various projects I'm busy with), and I'm in I Am Frigging Fabulous mode again.

Fuck, it's always worked for all the big headed wankers out there, so it's sure going to work for me.
Crikey it's nice.
My mojo is back in full force – oh my giddy aunt I'm on fire - I'm giggling at everything, and I couldn't give a fuck about the stupid assholes that have made me sad in the past. I'm a carefree bitch again.

C and I were being totally disgusting out on the town last night for Triple Napover's birthday. Happiness is not caring if people's eyes were on stalks.

“Oh yeah? I'm brash? Well...your dog's fat.”
“Peas' poen is under lock and key. Chastity belt key. Although her mojo is back.”
“That guy is a court case waiting to happen.”
“He doesn't like you anymore? Yeah, you may be right.”
The rest is too shocking for even this blog.

What made me laugh harder was checking my blog stats yesterday.
What worries me is that most of the Google searches people do to lead them directly to this here page, has something to do with porn.

Sick fucks. You rock.

This is how some of you found me:
Google Search: evil peas
Google Search: milf toast
Google Search: ache pea
Google Search: peasontoast facebook [Do you really want me to be your facebook friend?- Ed]
Google Search: "aladdin hentai" [WTF? - Ed]
Google Search: kaiser chiefs ruby irritating [Damn straight it's irritating - Ed]
Google Search: spawn nightclub south africa
Google Search: nivea creme
Google Search: should ex to my facebook friends [Depends. If you feel nothing for the ex anymore, I don't see why not - Ed]
Google Search: exercise cameltoe
Google Search: hardcore erotica teen blogspot
Google Search: meet people naked [Usually I have my clothes on when I meet people, but dependent on how smokin' hot you are, we can discuss. Take the offer while my mojo is on fire. Aint nothing like a horn dog - Ed]
Google Search: suck dick
Google Search: boob namer
Google Search: cia facebook [They're watching you oh ignorant one. Fine. Don't believe me – Ed]
Google Search: ant shaped vibrator [Ant, you popular bitch! they've made a line of vibrators that look like you! - Ed]
Google Search: what was voted best vibrator in the world
Google Search: pas bovvered [Classic. Suis-je bovvered? Face? Am I bovvered? - Ed]
Google Search: cutesy name for perineum [A 'chommie' – Ed]
Google Search: what do customers look for in cafe
Google Search: can you stick your dick in your own ass [Well now...]
Google Search: donkey dick in ass [Jesus H! - Ed]

21 comments:

kyknoord said...

I wanna ant shaped vibrator!!! Not sure what I'd do with it, but who cares?

Peas on Toast said...

Kykie - I'm certain some of these Google-searching depraved pyschos can give you some ideas.
But I'd rather not ask.

Where's Rev? ;)

Anonymous said...

Peas thank you and thank you again.
Being the horrible morning person that I am, you have this incredible nack of putting a smile on my face, every morning, without fail!! I just gotta meet you man, a tequila at the bar, (i'll buy).....
U out on the town this evening?

KEEP IT UP!!!
ps: Super stoked to hear your mojo is back (and figure now as good time as ever to invite you for the random tequila since men aren't the spawn of satan anymore seems like)

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - oooh, now that's an offer I find hard to refuse: tequila, buying, bar, guy, smiles.

Will be out on the town tonight. See if you can find me :)

hot pink flush said...

there is nonthing that makes me laugh more than trying to imagine a chav (trying to) speak bad british school french. it's classic. truly truly classic.
when's catherine tate gonna take that on?

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink = babe one of Catherine Tate's best chav skits is the one where she's in French class. Honestly, it's unbelievable.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXaGEig2CWk

:)

Anonymous said...

Great that narrows it down.....Josi not being the biggest city in Africa and all :)

I'm gonna have to very resourceful....

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - luckily you can narrow it down by remembering there are few places that only horny, drunk and single people go :)

Anonymous said...

Ahh the HAT!!! Think I would've started / ended their anyway

Revolving Credit said...

Where is Ant today? Best she gets over here as she has some explaining to do: "ant shaped vibrator" indeed???

Is that
a) shaped like an ant?
b) shaped like Ant?
c) shape by Ant?
d) shaped for Ant?

Which one of these options do you think Kyk wanted??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - or all of the above?

Revolving Credit said...

Its got six legs and mandibles????

8Ball said...

Morning Peas

My my, things look like they are picking up since my Karma poem, what with a napover and an anonymous fan....

Glad to hear about the boy babe, sounds like you like this one

:)

Peas on Toast said...

Ant! Rev just said you have mandibles.

:)

8Ball - yeah he's a real sweetie. But we are mates at the moment who have just shared a few napovers. What will be will be :)

Revolving Credit said...

Kinda like, 'Checkout the thorax on that chick'!!!


Mmmm...sounds a bit like 'Checkout the racks on that chick'!!

Same thing actually.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - ha ha!
"Nice thorax, wanna fuck?"

Ant will go bananas horny if you speak to her in biology talk.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, with regards to your night out, you said 'The rest is too shocking for even this blog'

but the you proceed to post
- milf toast
- exercise cameltoe
- suck dick
- donkey dick in ass

....like, WTF??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - it's simple really.

I didn't search for any of those things, other people did.

What came out of our mouths last night was pretty explicit, but I take full reponsibility. Therefor e it ain't up here.

There were worse things in the searches btw. Involving children. But I didn't want it up here.

Revolving Credit said...

Man, you gotta see the searchs involving grannies!

PS. It's Friday, isn't there a flamebait podcast due today??
Last weeks link is not long working? Heard anything from Vince or Nic?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - chatted to Vince, there is another one today. They're just sorting out the podcast page and I should have my widget back online then. They're putting it on the M&G podcast page I think.

Koekie said...

hahaha... Frekking A++ to that collection of searches.

My favourite was "ache pea". Some poor bugger was having a hard time peeing, and next he knows he's found his way into a world of chommies, doondies, poens and chavs. Maybe it distracted them from the burning sensation for a while...