Tuesday, June 26, 2007

the great connubial

I never used to believe people were single out of choice. As in, “no, you're just perfect, but I don't want a boyfriend.”

But they really are. Eventually. For the last three months, I've been single by choice. (In that, given the chance to not be single in various situations, I have uhmmed and ahhed.) I mean, I'm a selfish bitch now, why would I want to change my bachelorettedom?

I'm finally starting to feel comfortable coming home to an [by most part] empty bed, making my food just the way I like it, talking to my rat like he's my brother, and eating stuff and not wiping it off my face afterwards.

In the wake of people getting engaged – God, have people got the fever or what? – it's actually fucking happening, it's making my head spin. I've hit that age where my mates are shacking up. Dropping like flies. (“Crikey Moses, another fucking engagement...that's surprising...[stifled yawn]”)

It's like there's pressure amongst the couples, and shit, am I glad not to be a part of that. One couple gets engaged, the other one is thinking, “Shit, I'd better propose now. The pressure is on.” Or, “well, I suppose I'd better do it. My mates have proposed, I guess it's my round.” Does this happen? I'm thinking it just might. What about the, “But her ring is bigger than my ring,” thing. I'm taking a stab in the dark here – but my instincts tell me there's a lot of connubial competition that goes down behind the scenes. Possibly not spoken about, of course.

And thus, I remember that the life of a single and happy woman isn't too shabby at all.

Do I actually even want to marry someone one day? I'm not sure if I do. Do I want children? Well the broody vibe hasn't kicked in yet, that's for certain. Show me a howling kid in a restaurant with snot bubbling out of it's nose and screaming like a banshee....nope, don't want spawn.

My married mates had better just visit me in my old age home, where I'll be dying alone. While they pay bonds and pop out kids like gumballs, I'll be getting boozed and own at least 100 pairs of Jimmy Choos.

32 comments:

Izz said...

Somestimes this engagement-marrying thing is not that plain presure-pressure thing from the Joneses of the neighbourhood. Sometimes it's because people are ready. For me and V at least, it was because we were ready and we did exactly what we could have done at age 30 or 10 years later. We decided, what the heck, why wait 10 years to do what we will do anyways. So, for a select few, or a little more than select few, it's unlikely a case of pressure. And the kids, shooo, damn, I don't know what the I'd be without Talia and Nalika. They add more to the meaning of my life.

Peas on Toast said...

Izz- cool my friend. I don' suggest everyone gets engaged because of pressure etc, but I believe that some may be getting engaged NOW because of it.

But I feel that people don't see why being single cannot be a fulfilled existence as well.

kyknoord said...

"But her ring is bigger than my ring" okay - now that's just a little too much information.

Heddles said...

Hearing you Peas. The Engagement Sardine Run has begun for real.

Choo-ing with you sister.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Ooh! You have such a small ring! :)

Heddles - oh thank God. Another Choo-er - I love you already.

capdog said...

Here here! Give it up for the single life!! :)

Peas on Toast said...

capdog - whoop whoop! :)

keri said...

peas: i'm with you on this one, marriage is the last thing on my list.

Peas on Toast said...

Keri - Excellent! (rubs hands together with glee)

Mike said...

Snot bubbling out his nose. Screaming like a banshee. You know, that is such a vivid description. I love it. I remember how kid's noses bubbled when they scream like banshees. Like, there's just one snot bubble that grows with each banshee wail, and then when he breathes in, it grows smaller, then the next time he wails, it grows big again. Banshees are scary, man. They're scar-yyyyy.

Peas on Toast said...

Mike - the moment I see a pretty bayyybeee, I think of the snot and banshee model.

:)

Johnny Quarterback said...

I guess it comes down to how happy you are in yourself regardless of what your 'facebook relationship status' shouts out to everbody!

Peas on Toast said...

JQ - absolutely. You engaged yet, big guy?

Johnny Quarterback said...

nope. I'm 29 and she's 22. I don't want to get married for at least another 5 years and you know what...having a 22 year old girlfriend means that'll probably hold true.

I say if you don't want to feel the pressure to get married find yourself a younger model!

Peas on Toast said...

That's perfect, dude. Sounds like you have it all worked out!

Johnny Quarterback said...

still, I spent 5 years being single Peas and man did I have fun.

I say rip it up!

ps. can't believe you know pips. shall we be facebook friends?

Peas on Toast said...

JQ - I know, we must chat, absolutely - send me an invite my friend!

Betenoir said...

ah, peas, welcome to the league of ladies who enjoy singledom, aren't too keen on marriage, and hate snot.


we are legion, and we have fun.

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - We are! Everyone wants to be just like us! :)

Revolving Credit said...

What are yoy trying to imply??

Are you saying that The Ant is planning on getting married, moving to the Poenda and living as a housewife/ koeksuster-tannie???

Peas on Toast said...

Fuck. Cat's leaving the bag...and it's out.

:)

Izz said...

You got it right you. Single can be just as fulfulling. In fact, it could be better than the pressure-motivated marriages and I do agree some are due to pressure. Seen them and in fact, my friend, young as I'm, got married last year and divorced two weeks ago.

Peas on Toast said...

Izz - touche. The sad thing is that 50% of couples get divorced today.

hot pink flush said...

I am loving being single.
Only shitty thing is it doesnt involve sufficient sex (but then...neither did my previous relationship...hah!).
And my rabbit broke down on me last night. can't take the heat poor thing. Boo hoo!

Peas on Toast said...

Hot pink - Crisis! Om my God! Get to Adult World now and get yourself a new rabbit mate! Go, now. Now.
Why you still here? Go!

PS: Regular sex...what's that? ;)

Chester Pillow said...

What are Jimmy Choos? And where do I find them?

8Ball said...

haha Pinky, you sound like a sweetheart,methinks you shan't be single long.

As a long-term player, now completely transformed into Mr Nice Guy Boyfriend, I can honestly say that the very best way to be, is to be in a relationship where there is no pressure to get married. You are right peasy almost 50% end in divorce, can you imagine the figures for people who get married before they are 27?! Fuck must be in the 60's...

Anyway, I'm lucky, it's hard work but I have a girl who is as anti-marriage as I am, I get the regular sex, she doesn't need the rabbit, we get to act like teenagers on the phone - and best of all...my bed is warm during winter ;)

Insano said...

Singledom Rules...as long as you don't become Bridget Jones.

Peas on Toast said...

Chester - mate, you don't want a pair of ladies heels. You don't.
Even if they're the most exquisite stiletto creation made on the planet.

8Ball - man, she sounds [almost] as nice as me! Just kidding, your other half sounds perfect. And you lucky devil - with all that friction of bed sheets in winter, you won't even know it's cold outside. :)

Insano - what's wrong with Bridget Jones?
Love the bitch. Love her.

Chester Pillow said...

Oh..I see! When you said 'boozed on Jimmy Choos' I thought you meant a new kinda alciehole! Looking for a tequila replacement! ;-)

jd said...

hey peas, i can;t wait to move back into res when i am older and this time they are co-ed. Just think of the fun and games you can have with the little blue pills. Why get married when you have that to look forword to??!!!

Peas on Toast said...

JD - Res?? Well, I'm hoping my old age home comes with room service, where I don't have to queue for breakfast.
:)