I had the girls over for dinner last night.
I haven't entertained in months. (Hold the phone: 'entertained?' What am I, Martha Stewart?) I haven't cooked a decent meal for myself in months, so thought I'd kick-start the process by bringing my girls over and turning Woolies bits and pieces into a masterpiece.
Over wine, we discussed a few things. Two stick out:
2)Screw cock teasers. Poen teasers are the one's we have to worry about.
We've all, in our little existences, been subjected to a fair share of face sucking.
And therefore a bit of technique.
There're the kisses where you want to drop your panties on impact, the washing machines, the death by gag.
Then there is the Saliva Pocket. The one where, you think everything is going just swell – your tongues are entwined, no kinky spit shit is happening, his tongue isn't touching your tonsils. When all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you encounter a saliva pocket. A little flush of saliva. Disconcerted, (what the fuck was that?) you carry on snogging, and then it bloody happens again. Only one person has experienced the Saliva Pocket.
Then there are the poen teasers. A man who leads you on and then doesn't put out.
Men complain about cock teasers, but poen teasing is right up there.
It's all systems go, they're charfing you, touching the small of your back, eating out of your flipping hand, and then nada. Nothing happens.
And then we spoke about sex, husbanks, and more sex. And drank a load of red vino.
Just looked out the window: OH MY ACHING OVARY - it's white outside, it snowed in Joburg last night. It snowed. It's white outside!