Wednesday, June 27, 2007

girls, dinner & wine

I had the girls over for dinner last night.

I haven't entertained in months. (Hold the phone: 'entertained?' What am I, Martha Stewart?) I haven't cooked a decent meal for myself in months, so thought I'd kick-start the process by bringing my girls over and turning Woolies bits and pieces into a masterpiece.

Over wine, we discussed a few things. Two stick out:

1)Saliva Pockets.
2)Screw cock teasers. Poen teasers are the one's we have to worry about.

We've all, in our little existences, been subjected to a fair share of face sucking.
And therefore a bit of technique.
There're the kisses where you want to drop your panties on impact, the washing machines, the death by gag.

Then there is the Saliva Pocket. The one where, you think everything is going just swell – your tongues are entwined, no kinky spit shit is happening, his tongue isn't touching your tonsils. When all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you encounter a saliva pocket. A little flush of saliva. Disconcerted, (what the fuck was that?) you carry on snogging, and then it bloody happens again. Only one person has experienced the Saliva Pocket.

Then there are the poen teasers. A man who leads you on and then doesn't put out.
Men complain about cock teasers, but poen teasing is right up there.
It's all systems go, they're charfing you, touching the small of your back, eating out of your flipping hand, and then nada. Nothing happens.

And then we spoke about sex, husbanks, and more sex. And drank a load of red vino.

Just looked out the window: OH MY ACHING OVARY - it's white outside, it snowed in Joburg last night. It snowed. It's white outside!

35 comments:

Heddles said...

The tail-end of a saliva pocket is that schlock-noise. Washing machine backwash. Eeeeeuu!

Peas on Toast said...

Heddles - eeew! Have you directly experienced this, you unlucky creature?

Jam said...

Just an excess of saliva .... ew....

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - yeah :(

IT SNOWED, IT SNOWED, IT SNOWED!

kyknoord said...

Poen teasers Sounds like a mythical beast to me. Then again, it might explain the snow, at least.

Peas on Toast said...

The mythical beast has painted my garden white. Bless him!

Heddles said...

Unfortunately I once did. Baaaaaaad pull. I bolted like Ace Ventura out of that cave of bats

Peas on Toast said...

Heddles - did you, as C4 explained to me, do your praying mantis on Doom impersonation?

I laughed my head off - fucking fantastic jingle!

Heddles said...

Peas - unfortunately the Praying Mantis/Doom move is what caused me to come right in the first place.

Peas on Toast said...

Heddles - you're joking. This I have got to see. Can't you YouTube it or something?

Also, what was his spade line: "Ooh Miss Praying Mantis, your thorax is driving me crazy....pour some Doom on me..." ?

Heddles said...

Peas, he was more speechless.

If I YouTubed it the youth of the world would be replicating my special brand and I'd stop coming right so much.

Think C4's hairflick, only MUCH better.

Peas on Toast said...

Classic :)

Mike said...

lol. saliva pockets in your face, what a disgrace, here to save the human race, that's so base, suck your face, someone's gonna spray your eyes with mace - y gray. damn that's hot.

Peas on Toast said...

Mike - spray my face with mace...yeah...that's so hot....wtf?

zuzula said...

it amazes me that even some of the 30-something boys I've played tonsil tennis with lately still haven't mastered the art of a good snog. Will they ever learn? there's nothing more disappointing IMHO.

Peas on Toast said...

Zu - I mean, do they think thrusting a large tongue down our throats with a double serving of spit is nice?

Chester Pillow said...

Ha ha haaaaaa, the saliva pocket!

zuzula said...

eugh. although actually a recent (ish) someone didn't use tongues at all, which I also found quite strange!

Peas on Toast said...

Chester - you relate dude? ;)

Zu - no tongue at all?? Was he giving you mouth to mouth?

Chester Pillow said...

It's an oral organsm! Like when you're looking at a nice sweet but its not I your mouth yet...as soon as it touches your tounge, Splash!

zuzula said...

i'm really not sure. it was very strange!

Helette said...

ag,this is WONDERFUL..i have always wanted a name for 'it'..the saliva pocket is perfect..just the name..NOT the actual pocket..eww..that has caused some nasty uncomfortable situations for me..eeeeeew!

keri said...

From my experience, I think that the younger guys are better at snogging, one would think that the older guys would be more experienced but seems to be they are experts in saliva pockets.

Peas on Toast said...

Chester - kind of like the theory that the grass is greener on the other side, eh? ;)

Zu - a lot of air...I would imagine :)

Helette - I can only imagine....eeeek

Keri - I have mixed reactions. Have had good snogs and bad snogs from both older and younger models.

Chester Pillow said...

But grass grows better in shit! ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

So you're rolling in shit now, Chester? Unlucky!

Chester Pillow said...

Think I lost you there Pea's???

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - should I call you? He he

No ou said grass grows well in shit - and the grass is greener on the other side - so I assumed you're rolling in the hay/grass on the other side.
Lame, don't stress :)

C4 said...

"Can I pay for everything...for the rest of your life?"

C4 said...

PS. I am OFFICIALLY OVER poen-teasers

Peas on Toast said...

C4 - fuck I love you!
And touchay, poen teasers can KISS MY WHITE, FAT ASS!

Revolving Credit said...

Question, is a poen-teaser anything like a pubic-hairstylist??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - if only. Real poen teasers are more lethal than scissors.

Anonymous said...

dry your eyes - do you need a dummy with that?

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - well at least I have a name.