Monday, June 18, 2007

high-rise roofs & panic stations

After a fairly predictable Friday night, I spent Saturday with my Fake Fiance.
We thought it would be a really good idea to smoke a spliff on top of a building in Braamfontein.
And for a while, it was. (A good idea). We had to climb through an attic on the 11th floor of this building, which was chockers full of air conditioning cooling machinery, pipes and whirring machines.

This is important.

We sat and stared at Hillbrow and the mine dumps and thought profound thoughts like how one needs to work to find the beauty in Johannesburg, but once you realise how beautiful it is, it's so worth it. You really appreciate it.

Then we fucking locked ourselves in the air conditioning attic.
Panic stations.

Loud machines, claustrophobia, goofed and paranoid, suddenly things weren't so great anymore.
Would people forget us? And wonder weeks later, “Say, whatever happened to the bitch anyway?” After eating dirt off the floor to survive, would we die before a search team found us?

Thought phoning C in the Free State would ease the panic: “HELP, My God we're going to die! People will only find our skeletal, starved bodies up here and oh my god it's so stuffy and help, and we can't open the door...”

C: I'm in Viljoenskroon. What do you suppose I do from here? What if you starve to death?

“Oh thank heavens! Holy mackerel! Fake Fiance got the door open, we'll be fine thanks bye.”

We were on the verge of frenzy. Would've Jabulani the security guard found us? “Hmmm. they've been up there for three weeks now, let me go see what they're doing up there.”

Juiced and disorientated, we got out. And my mum phoned me in the middle of buying the sweet Mary Jane. In the middle of a drug deal.

Wearing my fake engagement ring out definitely has it's values. Like with the dude who decided to spade me at the end of the predictably-dull debaucherous evening on Friday. Sitting down, he asked me why I was there and why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told him “all men suck,” so he carried on and on and on asking me questions, and quite frankly, putting in a lot more work than it was worth. We must've sat there for hours.
Eventually I flashed him the old ring, “look, whatever mate. I'm engaged actually. Have a good evening, bye now.”

Sunday was spent singing to Air Supply with Wild Hair and Teddy. They loved it. No really they did.


kyknoord said...

Well, I'm disappointed. I reckon the local blog scene needs a few more stories about urine-drinking and friend-cannibalism.

8Ball said...

Haha Kyk, of course it would be difficult to actually blog about it from a locked aircon attic....but I like where you're going with this..

From the Joburg skyscraper you could almost see the coast
Especially after some prime Durban-grade roast
But after being stuck for a week
And with Jabulani asleep
Peas cooked up Big T with some toast

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Sorry to disappoint. Next weekend I promise to do something exceedingly disgusting, for your viewing pleasure. :)

8Ball - another masterpiece :)
If we had toast though, we could've bought at least 8 days.

Da Mario said...

Glad the FF managed to save your ass!

Betenoir said...

next time you go out, be sure to pack an energy bar in your handbag, just in case.

Peas on Toast said...

Da Mario - I know, he's good value to have around innit? ;)

Bete - Such a schoolboy error. I only had three week old Beechies in there.

Revolving Credit said...

Maybe if you guys had just smoked a lots more, you could just have flown off the rooftop!

Betenoir said...

Amateurs- what were you planning to do for the Munchies?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - FF was talking about doing a SpiderMan off the side of the building, but this was met with some sound consternation from yours truly.

Bete - well, we were hoping to wonder down to the lower ground a grab a bagel.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, I likey the podcast...have you reconsidered working in the phone-sex industry.

You need never leave your flat or get out of your PJ's.

A thought around extending this blogger discussion/podcast/interview/flamebaiting - anyone giving any thought to maybe doing brief interviews/posing questions to bloggers at the need blogger meet and include the sound bites in on of the podcast.

Should probably be posting this comment to Nick or Vince, but what do you think?? Roving blog reporter/shit stirrer/flamebaiter/masturbater??

What are you thoughts?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - that's not a bad idea actually! Next blog meet, have all the drunken babble in podcast format! Not sure if the M &G will host it, but you never know. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Well, the Ostendites appeasr to have already organised a blogger meet for next week Fri 29/06.

So go for it!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I'm kinda keeping my face away from those things these shy now. ;)

But could work for them though?

Revolving Credit said...

Why you feeling so shy these days ?????
or you just scared of getting really pissed and throwing your name away..again???

Peas on Toast said...

Nope, not at all. Throwing name is second nature for me, Rev.

I dunno. I suppose I'm trying to keep blogging and socialising a separate entity. But perhaps I'll show face again one of these days.

Revolving Credit said...

Is'nt blogging just socialising on-line??

Peas on Toast said...

Yip. Online.

Richard said...


Your "fake" fiance is soo in to you :). Up on the roof top sharing a romantic moment, there's no doubt in my mind what/whom he'd rather be doing. It's just a matter of time before he confesses his undying love and affection :P.

Peas on Toast said...

You know something I don't, Richard?

Richard said...

Apparently. I think it's called the male psyche :P.

Peas on Toast said...

Richard - thing is, I do this kind of stuff with my male mates all the time. Still, if it is the case...he must be nuts! ;)