Thursday, July 12, 2007

boho adversity

My mate The Dove decided to descend on my person yesterday, her personal love advice.

She knows me well, but actually thinks she can steer me towards 'bo-ho' men. And reckons these types will be my saving grace. Frankly put, I really don't think so. They're really not...me.

Right. As one of your best mates, it's only fair I give you straight-up advice. This is what I think:
1)Go hang out in Melville/Newtown/somewhere that might contain some species other than those who find rugby and statistics fascinating.
2)Avoid the ones who look like they purposefully slept in a dustbin and rubbed their hair in dog crap before going out for the 'naturally bohemian' look - they are fakes.
3)Avoid those who claim that drugs are good for you as they 'open one's mind'
4)Avoid those who wear wrist bands and leave their skateboards at the door
5)You won't find these types at Manhattan's, or lurking outside the JSE. So you need to stop going to the vomit-pit, for Christ's sake.
6)And most importantly - don't just go for anyone who might show you some affection.


I thanked her, politely declined – mainly because I like my men more sort of...straight down the line, if you will. And the one's I go for are in financial, law, engineering or IT fields. And wear collared shirts and have a clean-cut face.

Asked her how her latest shtoink was going.

Dove: Well we met for coffee, and later we...
Peas: [Sigh] You pomped him senseless.
Dove: Well no. After having an actual conversation with him, I realised he is about as exciting as a wet day in Milton Keynes when the pub's closed. He is the only person who I have absolutely - and I mean absafuckinlutely - have nothing to say to. So....no. When I left, I texted him, and said 'Hey, if we're ever in the mood for it, maybe we should just stick to sex, 'cos our conversations go nowhere....'
Peas: That's pretty blunt, dude. You might have just lost the buddy in your fuck buddy.
Dove: Buddy? I'd have a better friendship with the Spanish chef on TV that I watch occasionally and don't understand.
Peas: Maybe I should introduce you to some people who can hold a conversation?

I had dinner last night with C4 and the girls. Twas lovely. Topic of the evening? Orgasms.

49 comments:

ThomG said...

You have much more interesting conversations than I. I mean, orgasms? Hello! We ended up at the pub, my mate got to mountain bike while I had a hissy fit during dance class (a look at my blog is needed here) and we discussed the giant silverback ground squirrel that attacked him. Oh, and we discussed my need to both waltz and swing dance. Hell, woman, I wish my ass was back on my bike saddle, and not in some uncomfortable shoes pushing someone else around a dance floor (even if it is for charity).

C4 said...

Peas…have signed up with your co!!!

First Blog = School Disco…!
Hahahaha

Just had to do it…!

(won’t be mentioning anything re whiskey you-know-what)

Peaches said...

Im not entirely convinced that 'boho' guys are the way forward.

Stubble is sexy but just plain overgrown and unwashed is unhandsome!

Peas on Toast said...

ThomG - May conversations may be more interesting, but your life sounds 100% more interesting than mine, my friend. :)

C4 - yay! I can't wait my little chicken! PS: Whiskey dick? ;)

Peaches - yeah, stubble is sexy, I agree. But that's where it ends. No 'staches or Osama beards thank you very much!

GoDsGiMp said...

As I sit here with my three day stubble and unruly curly long hair, my cheap sneakers (R39 Pep stores) and cargo pant's... I say to you, what the hell is wrong with boho boys and for ch@#$t sake we can engage in meaningful conversation

Peas on Toast said...

Godsgimp - I sit here in my heels, a painted face, a flat hairstyle and painted nails. Different strokes for different folks. There's nothing wrong with you (I don't think!), but I suppose guys in suits just turn me on. :)

GoDsGiMp said...

Guys in suits are more interested in their suits then in making you happy.. Unless you make a good accessory to the suit. Like a fine tie, cept with legs.

Peas on Toast said...

ThomG - unfortunately for me, you're right. I am attracted to the wrong okes, this I know. But it's something I can't really control (the nethers take over.)

Perhaps I'll find one who digs a good suit, but who can also extend himself enough to, like, buy me flowers every now and then. * sigh *

Peas on Toast said...

Whoops sorry Godsgimp, I meant you, not ThomG. Wine hangover from last night....

kyknoord said...

Q: What do you get if you cross Judge Judy with Dr Phil?
A:The Dove

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Do Judge Judy and Dr Phil like braids and shit?

Revolving Credit said...

Morning!

Peas on Toast said...

Morgen mein kleinen Revgeist!

Revolving Credit said...

Could someone please pass the coffee?

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - this coffee issue has to be sorted out. Can you not plug the percolator into a point by your desk?

Revolving Credit said...

Need caffeine!!

Coffee, Coca Cola, Sinutab...doesn't matter, just need caffeine!

8Ball said...

Geez Dove.....that Boho look surely gets a bit tired when we move past 24? I mean, fair enough, I fit into the suit-wearing, rugby-loving stereotype that Peas is on about. But secretly, on the side, unbeknownst to most, I play chess, and I love good wine, and I can hold a conversation :)

Boho's who are over 25 are a bit naff don't you think. I mean, fuck, get a haircut and a real job.

Wait..there's my inspiration..

To this notion there is surely a fault
And any thoughts of Boho's must be brought to a halt
Yes, advice from the Dove
When it comes to love
Must be taken with a big pinch of salt

Peas on Toast said...

8Ball - yes, yes and yes!
What I need is a guy who both wears a suit sometimes and has a little quirk on the side. Like he has interesting hobbies or a twisted sense of humour...

But then so does every women on the planet.
So I'm standing in queue and waiting for my number to be called.
(It's worse than the traffic department.)

Revolving Credit said...

...he has interesting hobbies or a twisted sense of humour...


How about a guy with twisted hobbies?

Peas on Toast said...

That's fine too.

As long as he doesn't collect snakes/voodoo dolls/or child pornography.

Revolving Credit said...

So something more like collecting chain-mail underwear???

Peas on Toast said...

Sure, I mean, I won't judge or nothin'.

Revolving Credit said...

and if he makes you wear them?

Peas on Toast said...

No one 'makes' me do anything, Rev. First rule.

Revolving Credit said...

I can 'make' you laugh!!

Peas on Toast said...

Can you? OK give it your best shot. Peas is feeling a bit blah today.

Revolving Credit said...

Maybe try some of this.

It's been worth a laugh over the last few days.

Peas on Toast said...

He he he, yip I managed a little giggle! :)

Revolving Credit said...

So would you wear the chain-mail underwear?

If you do, you could really say that you have 'buns on steel'!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - It's something I would have to sit down and think about.

Depends who gets to see them, I suppose. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

???

Never share you underwear!!!

Peas on Toast said...

So you not into wearing a woman's doondies?

Revolving Credit said...

Hey, I'll wear it, but not after it was bought from the tombola / 2nd hand clothing stall at the local church fair!!

Peas on Toast said...

You know women who have bought second hand hospice underwear?

Revolving Credit said...

For Sale:
Leopard Print Granny Panties
Like new
Demo model
Used only once
Slight urine smell

Peas on Toast said...

Half price, and we'll throw in another pair if you buy now!!

Revolving Credit said...

But wait, that's not all...

Peas on Toast said...

...we'll throw in a FREE matching second-hand bra if you dial this number now!

Peas on Toast said...

PS: I love having our own little public discussion herein, Revsicle. :)

Revolving Credit said...

You're sounding so excited!

You're going to buy one, aren't you. Just for the free shit.

Revolving Credit said...

I wonder how many people are in here with us, standing quietly in the corner and just watching!

Peas on Toast said...

Or perhaps they actually have shit to do....or maybe they're just wondering how the fuck we became so depraved.

Tee hee :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peaszle, I found something for you.
Check this out

Peas on Toast said...

He he he! I must say, as much as I frequently burst out in song - bath, shower, car and otherwise - a contender I'm probably not. :(
So very unfortunately.

Revolving Credit said...

Why, don't you know any Indian tjunes??

Peas on Toast said...

No. I only know that one by Poenjabi MC, bru.

Revolving Credit said...

OK, I go home now, bye!

Tyrone said...

Evening!

Thanks for the welcome note Peas. And yes, I can like to be/was/am/is/are TJ too. Gotta love Schizos! So much more choice.

Actually, I didn't think my first post went through so in my rush for instant gratification, I posted another one. Now, don't I feel technochallenged!

ANYWAY, to the point of this post...

You should share your underwear with clean-shaven, suited, rugby-loving boys (and girls mind you! send pics). I think they're FANTASTIC!

However, there is a fine line between joburg jocks and just down-the-line nice guys. Most girls shag the joburg jocks in their early 20's and the migrate to the down-the-line nice guys when they're tired of the shit. Kinda like moving from prepaid to contract.

By the way, what's wrong with leopard print undies? Not that I have a pair of course but I've seen a few cuties in Boksburg in my day. AND they hide pee stains.

I think white french knickers are swell. Hoping you have a pair?

ALSO, how are your legs today?

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Tyrone! The old legs are doing just fine, thanks for asking. ;) And yes, boy-brief doondies are the way forward. It's what I wear mostly.
Have a fabulous day! x