Wednesday, July 11, 2007

the dating crucible

Was paging idly through my Bible kiff little He's Just Not That Into You book last night.

I've said this before – I think most of what the book says – which is pretty frank – is true, correct and brilliant. Women generally make excuses for men on a whole. (“But he's just really really busy....you know really, like, busy and stuff.”) The good thing about this book, is that it recognises that one doesn't need to lose face in the dating scene. One can proceed with knowledge and save a bit of [remaining threads of] dignity going forward.

The rules. He's Just Not That Into You:
If he's not asking you out.
Hanging out, eating chocolate, or bumping into him at a nightclub doesn't mean you're dating. Please tell me you know this already, ladies.

Men aren't afraid of 'ruining the friendship.'
They also know how to use a phone, and they also know how to find you. You are good enough to be asked out.

He's busy all the time, or has a lot on his mind.
Even if he has to assassinate Robert Mugabe, and he's gone undercover, or he wrecked his mother's Volvo – he'll spare you a thought and make contact if he's into you. “You deserve a fucking phonecall” – quote.

He's not that into you if he's shagging someone else.
By the way.

He's not that into you if he only sees you out on the piss/is always loaded/is a crack whore bastard
Even the most die-hard party animals (me included) have intimate moments on grape juice.

Bad boys are actually bad.
I'm gonna take a page from my own personal experience record and agree. They cannot be tamed, they don't care about you, and it will only end in tears. Your tears.

Don't date a man who isn't sure if he wants to date you.
If he likes you enough, he won't um and ah. He will want to see your bum as often as possible.

Don't waste your precious time on a man who has already rejected you.
It wasn't because he had selective amnesia the first time.

Makes sense, n'est ce pas? Although a guy mate of mine insists that the book is pants and South African men are different. I wholly disagree. “They aren't as forward as other guys,” he says.
To that I responded: “Then they're even more useless.”

82 comments:

Peaches said...

Nothing like 'he just isnt that into you' to give you a hard, cold reality slap!

Peas on Toast said...

Peaches - on the upside, one can continue to live their lives without any expectations and disappointments.

ChewTheCud said...

As a male I take issue with your point about ruining the friendship. Thats a serious generalization there. Of course we can be afraid of ruining the friendship. The rest of the points are downright logical though ;)

Daedalus said...

Ertjie,
Alooooooo after my absence.
Erm I just had these thing apply to me in the reverse with a woman ... these things really go 2 ways you know.

kyknoord said...

daedalus
True enough, but a threesome is better.

inhershoes said...

Great post Peas! Nice reminder of what we know and sometimes forget when in a situation. Good to see it objectively, and apply logic to love. And yes D, it is applicable to men and women.

Peas on Toast said...

Chew - yeah, I suppose one can't generalise. The book is mostly right, but exceptions can be made. I think one has to look at all the points and sum up from there.

D-Guy - helllloooo!! They can be reversed, except for one major factor: guys unfortunately DO need to make the first move. Call me old school, or patriarchal, whatever. But that's the way it [should] work.

Kyk - Fourgy's baby. Fourgy's.

Peas on Toast said...

inhershoes - the book's a goodie innit? ;)

Sheena said...

I swear, I am going to order that book and smack the next dude over the head with it!

Peas on Toast said...

Sheena - another great use for the book, to smack some sense into the useless men out there - I like!

Heddles said...

God damn. That book is a shining light to everyone with a pair of noombies, everywhere. It tells you things even your best mates wouldn't for fear of getting struck off the mate record. I swear by it.

Peas on Toast said...

Heddles - Ed zachary. Mates can't be as blunt. "Dude, he's really not into you." But books can! Hooray for the book!

Kyknoord said...

Yes. Men need sense. Horrible men. It can't be becuase you're incompatible with everyone you meet, right?

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Maybe I am incompatible with everyone I meet. I'm beginning to think there is something inherently wrong with me.

Revolving Credit said...

I think that we need a new book:
'She's Just Not That Into Rugby'

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Maybe it can be sold as a twin-pack with He's Just Not That Into Not Acting Like A Neanderthal

Chester Pillow said...

Don't agree with all of that! The second book, 'a break-up cause it's broke', tells woman to become a 'super sex fox'! Better translated as, a Slapper! Books that generalise men just put woman in a worse position for finding a nice, genuine guy!

Peas on Toast said...

Chester - are you dating anyone at the moment?
Because sometimes, no most times, ladies like to be asked out!

Chester Pillow said...

Of course! And I enjoy asking girls out! I liking dating because I get to know them better, and I date regularly. But understand, if I don't feel that things are going to move forward and I stop 'regular' contact doesn't mean I'm a schmuck!

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, was just doing a bit of file clean-up and found a comment I posted ages ago.

In light of the present discussion, I thought it not too inappropriate to re-comment.

(I really need to start doing a few more of these, they were great fun)

Dear Ms On-Toast

It has been brought to our attention that you have experienced certain undesirable social incidents as of late.
We would therefore like to offer you a sample from one of our Pheromone Fragrance ranges which we hope you may find most useful during your upcoming social engagements.

The product we are proud to offer you is REVOLVO REPULSO, ideally suited to easy any male-on-female social tensions which may arise. Our pheromone researchers have discovered the secret to short term social subjugation.
So when you feel that the undesirable male company is becoming to intrusive or demanding, just spray a small amount of REVOLVO REPULSO on your skin or clothing. This mimics the specific pheromonal blend normally emitted my homosexual males. Other males who encounter this scent general withdraw at this point. The effects are short lived and will not impede any potentially desirable interactions which may arise after the initial contact.
Caution: Please note that this product may have the reverse effect on homosexual males, who may suddenly feel strangely drawn to you. The has been know to result in free alcohol.

If you find this product of interest, I would recommend that you explore our new range further, a popular choice being the latest REVOLVO CONVULSO, the spray-on genital stimulant - great for the office, the drive home, the cramped domestic flights and bank queues.
If you would like a quick fiddle but the circumstance is inopportune, just one spray-on application is all it takes, sit back and let the nerve-end stimulators do the rest. "One squirt and you'll squirt"

Kind regards
Revolvo C Revolvo

Chief Revolutionary Officer
REVOLVO
'Join the Revolution'

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, did you just prompt Chester to ask YOU out on a date??

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - no it definitely doesn't make you a schmuck if you stop contact thereafter. If you like them, then you wouldn't anyway.

Rev - two things, and I'll start with the Chester comment you cheeky bastard:
It says in the book, Don't let him trick you into asking him out. Therefore I am not prompting Chesaroo to take me on a date! Are we clear?

Secondly - I'll never forget the Revolo Repulso for as long as I live - classic! :)On archives - read 'What's that Smell' on my sidebar. Your Nik Nak Paddy Whack Give A Poen A Hone gives me endless reading pleasure!

Revolving Credit said...

So why won't you ask Chester out??
Is there something wrong with him?

So if you meet Mr Right and he's a bit shy, you'll let it slip by because of what someone else wrote.

If we took everything as writ we'd probably still think that the earth was flat.

Peas on Toast said...

Well Rev, that's ok. If my knight in shining armour doesn't recognise that I'm his princess, then it obviously wasn't mean to be!

I digress. I don't agree with everything. And I will put myself out if it's a casual thing.

C4 said...

BABE - LOVE THIS!!! Am going to pick your brain tonight!

Peas on Toast said...

C4 - so excited for dins tonight babe! I want to hear all your smoochie newsy stuff too... xx

Revolving Credit said...

Forget fate, you have to do some work, put in some effort, otherwise if fate was really such as strong influence, why bother going out at all?

Why not just stay home and wait for him to come knocking on your door and sweep you off your feet...ja right.

Of course, if the stay-home fate thing did work, Mr Right would then be either a milkman, postman or pizza deliveryboy and he would whisk you away on his scooter!!!!!

Dolce said...

Lawd, why the fek didn't they write that book 10 years ago.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - no I absolutely agree 100%. I hate it when people say to me, "don't look for it, it will find you." That's the biggest load of BS ever. Mr Lovely won't find me on the couch day after day, this I know.

What I'm saying is, I'm out there and talking to people. And making connections. This I swear. But I'm not taking the oke out for dinner. I think that's fair.

Dolce - I know! Could've helped us out years ago!

Revolving Credit said...

What's wrong Peas, don't pizza delivery guys turn you on??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I'm more partial to milkmen, personally.
But they don't deliver in my area.

fuzzy logic said...

Fuck yeah!

C4 said...

Babe, there is no smoochy newsy stuff.

I came right
The drought is over
My mojo is back.

Bust open the bottles of champagne!

Am on a quest for Mr Right (Now) at The Manwhore’s this Friday.

You keen????

Zoliswa said...

I think this post has come right on time for me when I need greater intervension!I'm actually on the net now searchin for a book shop near me where I can go buy the book when I leave the office later 2day!My boyfrend is hot and cold so fast I constantly have flu/fever!

Anonymous said...

Which one should I get?There seems to be a few versions on the market.HELP!

Peas on Toast said...

fuzzy logic - friggin' ay! :)

C4 - oh Mandog's is on the cardodles definitely! :) Mr Right is definitely going to be there lurking amongst the bottom feeders. Of course he is. But on the very, very rare chance we don't find him - we can always flick some serious hoof! :)

Zoliswa - yes, definitely go and buy it my dear. It just puts things into logical perspective. Another goodie is: Why Men Love Bitches. Honestly. Good luck! x

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - seriously? The one by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. There are lots of different covers - this I know - but only one book. Exclusive always has it.

Chester Pillow said...

Ha ha! Peas, you didn't answer Rev's question. Is there something wrong with me! ;')

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - hahahah! I thought you'd run away, I was cursing Rev!

Nothing wrong with you m'dear. You have a nice bum. But at the end of the day - I'm not inviting you out for dinner! I'm a LADY! :)

Chester Pillow said...

Was at Vida with Dobby! Thanks, don't get to see my bum often so I'll take your word for it! I do agree, I'm old fashioned and guys should ask first!

Peas on Toast said...

Damn straight. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

You were cursing me?? Didn't you momma even tell you that it's bad luck to curse me?

Seeing as you won't invite Chester out for dinner, how about just inviting him over for late afternoon shag...that way you can inspect his bum a bit closer.

Peas on Toast said...

Ooh Rev, you know I love you right? You know I do.
OK, but right now you're driving me crazy.

See, look at Chester? He's blushing bright red!

Anonymous said...

Works both ways

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - ok, then honestly, help me out here. Two scenarios.

Girl: Can I take you out for dinner?

Guy: Can I take you out for dinner?

Which one would YOU honestly prefer?

Chester Pillow said...

Shag, did someone say shag!
Nothing like fun amongst friends! ;'0

Anonymous said...

Im not talking about the initial asking out scenario. Im talking about after that.

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - what's a little lovin' amongst friends? Can Rev join in - I know he wants to.

Anon - OK, so you agree initially a guy should ask a girl first. After that, it is give and take for sure. And it does work both ways. But chicks are usually blinder than men, which is why they need a book.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas likes Chester!
Peas likes Chester!
Peas likes Chester!
Naa..naa..naa...naa..
Peas likes Chester!
Peas likes Chester!

or at very least..
Peas likes Chester's bum!!
Peas likes Chester's bum!!
Peas likes Chester's bum!!

Peas, look, he's not blushing, you are!!!

Peas on Toast said...

I have no words. Just contempt#$^!

No offence to Chester - not really - but I kind of sort of have a crush on someone else at the moment.
Sorry Rev :)

Revolving Credit said...

Ahh...please tick which of the following apply!

If he's not asking you out.

Men aren't afraid of 'ruining the friendship.'

He's busy all the time, or has a lot on his mind.

He's not that into you if he's shagging someone else.

He's not that into you if he only sees you out on the piss/is always loaded/is a crack whore bastard

Bad boys are actually bad.

Don't date a man who isn't sure if he wants to date you.

Don't waste your precious time on a man who has already rejected you.


So does this mean that you don't want to checkout Chester's bum??

Anonymous said...

Haha...i dont know, there some really blind guys out there too. They just wouldn't admit it

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - None of what's in my post applies to Chester!
For God's sake, please pass the wine someone.
I saw his bum, like once, and I was drunk.

Anon - ..so what my friend says about Saffa guys and me saying they're useless is true? ;)

Chester Pillow said...

Rev, settle! Ha ha..
Peas, if you and I were to shag, it would just be you and I! No room for a third! Sorry!

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah well if that was to ever happen, Rev is officially disinvited.

Maybe Jake Gyllenhaal is available.

Chester Pillow said...

PS. Think Anon means some guys, not all!

Revolving Credit said...

What, not even if a bring a video camera and a jar of marmite???

Anonymous said...

Haha...i think most men around the world are like that, but i reckon us SA guys make up for it in manners and in some ways being more shy, generally speaking.

Third World Ant said...

Chester, Peas & Rev, sitting in a tree, having a frenzied or-gy!

Sies, the three of you. Get down and have the decency to play behind closed doors ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - yeah, one can never generalise. Let's hope a not-so-useless one finds his way to my bedroom sometime in the next decade.

And not you Rev. Save the Marmite for your Salticrax. :) You're a piece of work my friend.

Anon - yes, SA guys, or many do have manners. That I must concede.

Peas on Toast said...

Ant - wanna join? This isn't ridiculous or anything.
:)

Chester Pillow said...

Peas..sorry, don't do the 3 thing some, like to only handle one woman, and no men! But I know crush does!

Revolving Credit said...

Hey, did you just DIS me??

That's twice in 1 day - dis'ed and cursed.

Anyone else wanna take a shot!!

PS. My question above related to Mr You-Have-a-Crush-On, not Chester.

So please tick the appropriate ones!

Peas on Toast said...

Crush? Nobody knows about my crush.

Peas on Toast said...

As in, I'm remaining mum.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I love you, but now am flustered and need to have some wine.

Henceforth retiring to the bath tub with a jolly large glass of said liquid.

Chester Pillow said...

Ha ha, nice one Ant! Enjoy your wine & bath Pea's..

Revolving Credit said...

Chester, you said '.. one woman, and no men! But I know crush does!
Not quite sure how to interpret it??

Which is Crush:
a) into threesomes - MFM
b) into men - gay
c) into men and women - bi-sexual

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, why you running away to go bath and paint your nails??

Why r u flustered?

Did we touch a nerve?

Chester Pillow said...

A - FMF...what did I win?

Revolving Credit said...

What did you win...let me think???

Got it!

As a prize, you get to dress-up in lingerie and be the 2nd F in Crush's FMF.

Peas on Toast said...

OK I'm back, and suitably juiced. Shut up Rev before you say anything.

I only painted my nails twice in the last hour.

And looketh at my faceth: amist I bovver-red?

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, looks like Ant just defaced the comment section of my last post.

Go check it out.

Peas on Toast said...

I'm gonna kill her.
:)

I'm putting her on a leash the moment she walks through the door.

Revolving Credit said...

On a leash? I like it!

That is so fetishist of you...kinda animal kink with press studs!

Chester Pillow said...

Settle Rev...that's borderline!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev you're testing my patience today big guy.

You can buy porn online. I'm sure that'll entertain you for the rest fo evening. "One Night In Paris" is particularly good.

Revolving Credit said...

Sorry, but I mention leash and kink and both you & Chester go all virginal on me???

Borderline?? Dude thats so not even close to borderline...If you like, I can go there..best you wear rubber underwear though...just in case.

Peas, who said porn?? I did not even infer that, purely made a statement about kink??

Hey, if you guys can't handle it, just tell me and I'll go away.

Nuff said.
Rev.

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Revvie - no was just saying porn might entertain you more, that's all.
No serious offence taken - you know that! xx

Ordinarylife said...

A bit late on the uptake I know, but that book is great. My sister sleeps with it under her pillow.

But what about the follow up "Face it you just weren't that into him anyway"

Peas on Toast said...

OrdinaryLife - hey! I haven't actually read the follow-up, perhaps it's time to update my library!

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