Monday, July 16, 2007

curry & an aeroplane

Well.

So.

I met someone on an aeroplane last week.

(Well not on the aeroplane, just before that.)

One doesn't expect to meet, actually get on with, and later on, be attracted to someone on an aeroplane. That only happens in Hollywood Blockbusters, let's not lie.

If I take the general propensity of airline travellers that I have been lucky enough a bitch to sit next to: it's usually the Michelin Man who oozes onto my seat. And drools in his sleep, and eats all the free pretzels. Or a mother with a scrrreaming bambino.

So I'm usually prepared. As in I don't make eye contact, I stuff my iPod into my ears and refuse to engage in any more conversation other than, “Bathroom, I need the bathroom. Please dislodge your [large and grotesque] bottom from your seat so that I can get past”. Some passengers are chatty, especially people from PE (the Friendly City doesn't have that name just because), but I'm a hardcore, don't-fucking-look-at-me type on aeroplanes.

But I spoke to this person quite a bit. Even though he knows how much I was dreading sitting next to him to begin with. It's a long story.

Anyway, back to the point. I had a napover with the aeroplane dude on Saturday night. I haven't smiled properly in, oh about four months, in general, and I found myself inclined to feel less sorry for myself after this weekend. Maybe I shouldn't be smiling, because it could end up being a une grande catastrophe like everything else seems to become in my life, but whatever.

I also drank cane at the Colony, belted out some Roxette for everyone's aural pleasure, ate a curry at Bismillah, drank gin and tonics at the Country Club, and flicked a hoof at the Manhattan Club, just 'cos I hadta. (Also a mate needed rescuing from a man only known as Fanta Pants. Desirable.) Also witnessed Big T dry hump a few walls, which is always entertaining.

It's strange how things turn out.

PS: One of my mates, ever on her quest to find me the love of my life, suggested a guy whom, she described as, “Well, he's fantastic really. A real pants man. Who probably has a drinking problem and loses everything, but he's lots of fun.”
Let me think. How about no, [you crazy Dutch bastard?]

She's trying to set me up with a skirt-chasing alcoholic amnesiac? She must be bloody joking. Must be. I'm good for now.

62 comments:

Ordinarylife said...

I don't think it counts as the Mile High Club after the fact, even if you did meet him on the plane. Maybe next time??? Or are you already a member.

Peas on Toast said...

Ordinarylife - no this isn't the Mile High Club.
I am a member, but only once in my crazy, misspent youth. ;)

C4 said...

I LOVE FANTA

kyknoord said...

I'm beginning to suspect your friends may not have your best interests at heart. Can't imagine why. Just one of those hunches I have. Speaking of hunches, there's this guy I want you to meet...

Peas on Toast said...

c4 - Oh I know, lady, I know. :)

Kyk - I'm beginning to suspect my friends are smoking crack. So I'm good, thanks Kyk.
I may not have the best judge of character in the world, but methinks I'll be better doing this on my own. :)

Revolving Credit said...

So with regards to fly-guy, how serious do you think it may get?
i.e. Are you gonna give him a name or can we just refer to him as Smile High in the mean time?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I'll give him a name when I'm good and ready, and if he takes me out for dinner, maybe.
:)

Jam said...

So does a napover count as getting laid??
If so, seems it was a good weekend for girl bloggers...

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - no. I don't sleep with people who I'm not going out with babe.
But a good weekend anyway :)

Brandon said...

I have been reading your blog for a few months. I'm not entirely sure why. A friend of mine put me onto it. Her recommendation was: "So you can put that rationality poppycock away and really understand what a women FEELS"

Your writing terrifies me in a way no giant half-snake-half-spider-huge-venomous-fangs-and-evil-red-eyes ever could. But its FASCINATING!

I wonder - do you write what you think? Do you edit out some of the stuff that would REALLY scare the bejeezus out of your male readers, to maintain the right readership ratios?

For some reason that Natasha Beddingfield song comes to mind... did you write that for her?

Given that I have attended virtually all of the same events as you have for the last 6 months, I find it bizarre that I haven't bumped into you... or maybe I have...

BTW, You should watch out for clean shaven guys with collared shirts - our firm-psychiatrist tells me they're the most deranged of the lot... something about messiah complexes (like shaving and popping your collar entitles one to the power of the universe...)

Revolving Credit said...

So if he buys you dinner will you shag him, or doesn't that qualify as going out?

Peas on Toast said...

Brandon - hi! I'm sure my writing terrifies you, it's not the first time I've heard it.

On editing - I write as honestly and frankly as I can possibly express without trying to hurt people or let too many cats out of the bag. But it's pretty much me, most of the time. ;)

I'm glad I can provide insight to guys as well as girls. I also like it when people are in similar situations to me, as then I know I'm not alone in the world. Hence why I blog.

Yes am very weary of men who pop up their collars, btw. I don't do popped up collars. :)

Rev - I don't know. And shagging isn't something I'm even considering right now.

kabintsimbi said...

*BIG sigh*...I so want to be part of the Mile High Club...the squeezing, the squishing & all that up close & personal squashiness seriously makes my bum hum! Plus, you get a mirror to watch yourselves with...kinky!

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - fear not my dear. For it is less romantic than it sounds, that I can promise. It's cramped, the walls are hollow and during turbulence, one is inclined to want to puke.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, you Dad flys. Do you think he'd offer mile high flights??

Kab and partner can sign-up for a flight!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - In order to not throw up a little in my mouth, I'm going to try and not imagine my pops doing Mile High activities.

Especially since he's been flying around the country with his latest girlfriend.

Oh hell.

Revolving Credit said...

I'm bad, I know it, you can whip me later after you've thrown up...
but tell me, shouldn't that read as.."he's been flying around the country in his latest girlfriend"

Peas on Toast said...

Dude.
Dude.

My father doesn't have sex ok. He doesn't know what it means, he's never heard such words.

I'm off to puke, check you later.

Revolving Credit said...

Think about it this way: At least someone's getting some!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev...well it's not my dad!

Perhaps...it's you! Spill the beans, casanova.

Revolving Credit said...

I have not being mile-highing with either your dad or his latest girlfriend and I will categorically deny any knowledge thereof.

Well, if it's not your dad who's getting some, has your mom met any cute walls recently??

kabintsimbi said...

Mmm, where do we sign up?

Wait...stop the funbus...isn't Peas' dad's plane like small...wouldn't that mean an audience! Naff...not cool! And I'm sure both Peas and her dad would not be too keen to have knowledge of or witness such an event!

Next idea...that one ain't blowing my skirt up!

Chester Pillow said...

Definitely didn't see any hoof shaking from Pea's at the Hat! Maybe a hoofa shaka outta there!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - luckily, mum hasn't been back to China in a while. Phew.

Kab - Thank you, and exactly! Eew...

Ches - well, after Big T dry humped your mate, I thought it best we take leave. :) Did you flicka? Cos I didn't see any boogying from you either mate. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

When you more than just throw up a little in your mouth.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, your family do any home movies?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - does your family know about your blog?

Revolving Credit said...

Ja, but they still won't let me post their home videos!

Peas on Toast said...

Bummer. They're being completely unreasonable.

Revolving Credit said...

skirt-chasing alcoholic amnesiac??

Sounds perfect, what you waiting for?

Chester Pillow said...

I was in no state to shimmy! The bar needed my support!
Never knew BigT and Dobby were that close!

Cat said...

I doubt that we have absolutely anything in common. I'm 26, married, with 3 children. But I absolutely love your blog (I first read about it in Cosmo). I read every day. I don't know why. I guess it's your style of writing. Congrats.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I know. I should start stalking him with immediate effect.

Ches - The look on Dobby's face was priceless. Won't forget that for a while!

Cat - why thank you! Much appreciated. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Can't be much fun stalking an amnesiac though.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - it would be like trying to date a goldfish, I imagine.

Every five seconds: "Hi my name is Peas."
"Hi my name is Peas."

Revolving Credit said...

If Groundhog day was a Stalker movie!

Peas on Toast said...

Ed Zachary.

Revolving Credit said...

Do you think that you are able to happily keep goldfish in a bowl because they are dumb or are goldfish dumb because they've been kept in a bowl???

Peas on Toast said...

Ah, nature versus nurture.

The endless question, attributable to anything and everything.

Homosexuality, mommy's boys, goldfish, socio-pathic behaviour...

Revolving Credit said...

So how big a bowl would you need for amnesiac??

There's a fine line between stalking and clinical observation!

Peas on Toast said...

Well, first off - holding an amnesiac hostage would be an interesting thing, wouldn't it? A great party trick.
"Hey guys, come check out my pet amnesiac!"

Where can I buy one?

Revolving Credit said...

It's like a pet gimp in a cage.

Apparently all you have to do is throw him the odd totpack and flash him some skirt.

Revolving Credit said...

Not sure about the buying, but if you're going to keep a pet gimp, I found this on Ebay.

Peas on Toast said...

Classic. Can I buy my dad one for Christmas?

And Rev - whatcha doing searching for gimps on the Net?

Oh wait, that's how you found me. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, where the hell have all the other bloggers gone??
The blogsphere seems a bit empty this days.
Do you think that maybe we're missing all the Zim bloggers who've been powered down for a while?

Revolving Credit said...

Here's a scary thought: If you did buy your dad one of those, I think he'd probably wear it out in public while with you!

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - yeah, it's just you and me big guy.

Mayeb all the bloggers are from Zim, and not Cape Town/Joburg/Sweden like they say. :)

Sheena said...

I love how your blog automatically becomes a chat room after all the relevant comments have been made!


And Rev - you are a funny chop, I won't lie!

tyrone said...

Nice on Peas! I hope this one works out. And if it doesn't, well then he doesn't deserve to join the Mile High Club with you! :-)

So you'll be happy to know, I'm no longer a Colony virgin. Had my first ridiculous evening there on Sat night!

Can't remember much after 22:00.

Peas on Toast said...

Sheena - The day when people hook up because of a conversation they had herein, my work is done :)

Tyrone - you were there?? So was I! So here's an unofficial welcome to the Vomit Pit :)

Yip, and if it doesn't work out...well, so be it.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, Tyrone said: 'Can't remember much after 22:00'

Seems like amnesia to me. Quick get the gimp outfit and toss him in a fish bowl.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev :) I only arrived after 22:00. And I was unbelieveably and strangely sober. Only to fall into the pit starring John Deere thereafter...

Revolving Credit said...

So apparently if you want to hunt gimps in their natural habitat, go to the Colony. Use a jug of John Deere's to bait and trap them.

How big a fishbowl can you fit in your flat?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - at Colony you'll find anything. Trust me. Proabably not the love of your life, but something great for that time. Knowwhaddimean.

I can fit ample fishbowls into this flat.

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like the Great Gimp Stalk is on.

I'm heading home now.

You partying /dinnering/ eating-out this evening or just vegetating?

tyrone said...

Got there at 8 (I think - started boozing around 2 so things a bit blurry) and left at around 3:30 I think...

What did I get at the Colony (besides a hangover from hell)? Well...

1) Tequila
2) Tequila
3) Tequila
4) Tequila
5) And so on...

The karoake wasn't too bad I guess. Not sure I cared though.

My friend on the other hand found himself at the Milpark after getting stitches. He walked into a yield sign somewhere in Craighall Park we think. Doesn't really know why or how.

GO COLONY.

Peas on Toast said...

Shit Tyrone - sorry to hear that, hope he's ok!

Dobby said...

I seem to have that sort of an effect on Big T

Peas on Toast said...

Dobby - ha ha ha :) It was the highlight of my evening. Like watching a trainwreck, except way more uplifting. :)

Dobby said...

Haha...dont get to see the Big T often so when i do its bound to happen

Peas on Toast said...

Luckily for you Dobby, he was dry humping all sorts of other things that night too. So before you feel really, really special - he's actually a player. :)

Dobby said...

That is good news :)