horsey boozy gatherings in july

Well a nice Durban July. A little different from last year, but just as off the wall.

1)The plane journey down was pretty amusing. Our two male travelling companions – Bladder and Chunky, C and I got a little boozed before we took off.

The loud people on the plane.

Bladder's beer found it's way out of it's cup and onto laps, causing Stubs to scream and make a scene on landing. We also made an announcement on the bus to the terminal: “Road trip everyone! But hold on, WHERE ARE BLADDER AND CHUNKY?”)

2)We gave three dudes a lift home from the local pub on Friday night. How? They sat on our bonnet. Correct. Bonnet.

3)Jolled with the ex, Small Bum (Remember him?) who I can now call a mate, which is cool. So much fun. He is in another relationship now, bless for him. But nothing more annoying than when you're having a serious conversation and a chick is butting in and trying to get involved in said conversation.

4)I took a pee on the pavement in the headlights of the taxi driver who dropped us off at home. Bunghole and vajayjay in headlights. Charming.

5)Ended up, after going to bed, half asleep and with same clothes on - trying to leave the house to find a bar. I believed my mates were being boring Bertha's not wanting to go out – but I was stopped at the front door and reminded that pubs are closed at 4:00am.

6)Thanks S for having us in Durbs. She was a brilliant hostess.

7)Got tanked early at the July. Peaked at about 3:30pm. But discovered that taking 8 Essentiales means that I had zero hangover the next morning. Nothing. I'm telling you, as an experienced alcoholic, Essentiales are the way forward. This means I can satisfy my favourite hobby (smashing drinks) without the downfalls. Pop them. My liver feels like a million bucks, and it really shouldn't. Trust me.

8)Bladder painted my nails. Bless. Men can learn.

9)I need to be more of an aggressive tactic charfer. I'm not actually good at spadework. When someone else claims someone, I will back down and believe the score potential isn't fair game anymore. See, I'm actually nice. I need to learn to be a bitch and not care.

10) Was grumpy yesterday, for various reasons, but generally a fantastic weekend. The July did close early this year – 9:00ish or so, which was a bit pants. And Tiger Tiger has closed down. How shit is that? Made some new friends and met some interesting folk. Just wish I could've stayed in Durban longer. At least it's warm down there.

11) When in Natal, I find myself slipping back into the accent pretty easily.
In Pick 'n Pay:
Peas: Hi, sorry where are the chups?
Lady: There by the fush.
Peas: Oh, next to the fush fungers?
Lady: Yes.
Peas: Kuff. Thanks.

12) Big T (all out in his cravat and double-breasted Panama suit), lost a member of his party – who – wait for it – ended up in Maritzburg the morning after the July. They first went back to the racecourse to check he hadn't passed out in his own vomit in a porter loo. But no, he was in Maritzburg. With no clue why, how or when he got there. WTF?

Amazing.