Wednesday, August 29, 2007

overheard in the last 24 hours

Fucked-upness soars on, and gains momentum as mid-week is upon us.

I have heard some astounding snippets of conversation over the last 24 hours. Either everyone around me is, in fact, mentally deranged, or a vat of Truth Serum has found it's way into the Rand Water system.
I bank on the former, based on what has emerged from people's ridiculously crap-talking pie-holes over the last day:

“Ooh what's that beautiful smell? Is someone burning a scented candle, or did someone spray something?”
No it's a spray.
“Ooh can I have some?”
It's a spray...specifically used to repel dogs from pissing on the furniture.
“...Can I have some anyway?”

“Let's have a dinner party.”
Delightful idea. Who should we invite?
“I don't know...the usual crowd is so boring these days.”
I know. Let's invite our ex boyfriends as well as our current boyfriends. You know...just to spice things up.
“...And our ex's new girlfriends.”
....Let's also invite our boyfriend's ex's.
“Just make sure we use paper plates so nothing can be smashed when people start throwing shit at each other.”
The girls would kill each other; the boys would become best mates. Just watch.
“Please can the ex girlfriend's arrive first.”
Then, just as a cat fight erupts....our clandestine lovers can walk in.
Saturday's good for me.

“I'm not coming over to see you, I don't want to get sick too.”
I'm not sick. I have my period. You can't catch my fucking period!
“I know. It's just cold outside. So I could get sick. It's not out of the question.”

“So is John coming to the event at the Rosebank Hyatt?”
“Pity. I had plans for the little bastard.”
Like what?
“Like tearing off his ballbag and attaching it with duct tape to the bar counter of the Hyatt.”
Is that all?
“No. Then I'd bite off his head with my own teeth and piss down his throat.”
No really, is that all?
“Now you're just baiting me.”

“Shit...I almost put my tea in my ear and drank my phone.”

Thats nothing. Once my digsmate put his wallet in the crapper, and the cheese in the wash basket.

E is moving to Egypt. My God, just like that. So while friends come in and out of Johannesburg, luckily The Dove is back. God that's great.


Betenoir said...

see, this is what you get for eavesdropping....viable blog fodder. I gotta eavesdrop more....I'm too self-involved!

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - a classic blog is the one. (I think that's the URL, may be wrong). Also the one "overheard on the tube" or the likes.

Classic stuff. Now that's viable blog fodder :)

Betenoir said...

oh, yeah, I'm on their mailing lit...I get the weekly pick of quotes..

Peas on Toast said...

Coolio :)

kabintsimbi said...

Crikey...don't you just love listening to people talk banter kak! Where do they come up with this shit...

The tea one was funny though...

Nice one Peas...keep that ear stretched...we want more gos from the randoms out there!

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - I'm pretty certain most of what the human race says on a general scale is a load of shit. Up the ratio by 20% when people are drunk and having DMCs. People can talk shit hey.

I absolutely love it. :)

kabintsimbi said... too! It's fabulous!

SheBee said...

I have no insanities to share, but last night my little sister called my dog the Poopie Monster and I spat coffee out all over my new leather lounge suite while laughing like a deranged hyhena.

That is all.

Peas on Toast said...

Lol :)

Speaking of deranged: A friend's Facebook status this morning: " eating sour body parts."

SheBee said...

Ja, shit. One of my mates: looking forward to humping some cake tonight.

(?!) TMI, bugger... TMI!

Chester Pillow said...

Ha ha....can I bring Buggaluggs?!

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - oh please bring Buggs! Also bring her other ex's and your other ex's to make it more fun! :)

Chester Pillow said...

'Dinner with the X's'!
What a blast! I'll bring the daggers! ;')

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - awesome. ;)

Sarah said...

dinner with the ex's and the ex's ex's and all the new probably soon to be ex's - explosive. I'll bring the fireworks and a wooden spoon, you bring the video camera. Reality TV at it's best. We could make a fortune :)

Peas on Toast said...

Sarah - ...and then we'll YouTube it.

It would make internet history :)

Peas on Toast said...

Revsicle? You there?
Been in touch with Zuzula, she is back online now...the panic is over :)

NASH said...

OK...this morning, while still recovering from a horrible hangover, I overheard the girl who sits behind me telling our elderly, plump (major euphemism) secretary that she needed to fix her camel-toe.
Unfortunately for me she didn't know what one I had to listen to the explanation.

Peas on Toast said...

NASH - oh my gad! So...what was the explanation! Tell! :) said...

Girl behind me (GBM): you have a camel-toe!

Secretary (S): Huh?

GBM: Your pant (yes she said that) are too high and I can see know what.

S: I still don't know what you are talking about.

GBM: Look (points at the offending area) you see your pant is too high and it pulls tight on your cookie and everyone can see it. See it even goes up the middle.

S: Oh shit! please tell me if it happens again

Nash (in my mind): Please don't....EVER!

Peas on Toast said...

HAHAHA, oh my god, that just made my day! (In a sick and imagery-filled sort of way.)