Tuesday, August 14, 2007

six very fantastic [and valid] points

1)You always know when someone can't really talk on the phone. Maybe the boss or Mum is standing nearby. (“Hi, let's whoreganise to go smash 1 000 bevvies in our faces, visit a strip joint and run around naked! C'monnnnnn”)

“Um, ok, I'm sure I can do tea at 4:30.”
(C'monnnnnnnn!)

“Absolutely, that can be arranged.”
(Arranged?? CHUNDER CHUNDER COTCH AND SPEW....)

“Yes.....absolutely, I'll pen you in for later.”
(Frank the tank! Frank the tank! Frank the tank....)

“I'd love to talk hedge funds with you Mr Belvidere, but I'm unfortunately snowed with gross profit margins at the moment.”

2)I bet you Cliff Richard is a player. He says in one song “Some people tease one another and keep the other one down....I'm not that kinda guy.” Yeah right! I bet you he slaps a different pair of tits twice a week! I'm not that kinda guy – psssht. Pants if I ever heard it.

3)Pettiness and dramas amongst people is ridiculous. Perhaps, holy Lord – can it be? - I'm not chaos-causing Peas anymore. Honestly, I'm over all the shit that goes down between people. It's really tiresome these days. Perhaps I Try Not To Cause My Chaos now, as opposed to I Love Causing It Wherever I Go. Drama has become severely overrated. I'm not saying it doesn't bombard my life daily, or that it doesn't happen all the fucking time, but I'm kinda into smoothing things over before making a scene now.
Fine. Don't believe me.

4)I have found a room mate for September! Not even the most synthesized 80s music could release such forgone pressure as this, even though 80s music solves most immediate problems. She seems cool, chilled and says she'd fancy a little house party or two. A new chapter starts in September – along with me turning, oh dear God above – 27 years old, and an era ends: Third World Ant will be gone. Fuck I'm gonna miss her.

5)A friend over the weekend:
“It was odd hey...I hadn't shagged in a while, and yet I lasted longer than her.”
Peas: How'd you manage to do that?”
“I guess....I'm just that good.”

6)Another friend: “Blah blah blah...so what do you think?”
Peas: Sure, I think that's fabulous.
“You just looked at my crotch.”
Peas: Beg pardon? No I didn't.
“I saw you, you even paused for a second.... I feel violated.”
Peas: I did not. Trust me, I really don't want to look at your package. Not now, not ever.
“It's when women are most horny they look at men's packages. It's part of the procreational process...it's sub-conscious, and true's God, you just snuck at look at my nethers.”

Whatever. I've got it all under control, and I certainly don't recall [actively] looking at his crotch. Just like how guys don't remember actively looking at girl's boobs.

31 comments:

SheBee said...

Yip, you *so* sound in control over the package perusing...

Yay for the new roomie, what shall we call her?

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - Totally in control, totally! :)

Not sure what to call her just yet, as I don't know her. Perhaps I should get her to start a blog once she moves in :)

SheBee said...

absolutely.

while you are at it, give your other roomies a kick up the ass for not updating theirs!

Peas on Toast said...

Yip I've alerted The Ant as to her dwindling blog and that her fans need to know what she's doing! :)

I'll ensure she posts soon, promise.

Leigh-Anne said...

Morning Peas! It's quite ok to check out packages, if the man is hot enough, it's actually mandatory!

If he moans about it, he's probably gay. Nothing wrong with that, but it's always good to know before one starts seriously perving.

Does the new roomie know she's going to be sharing with the world famous Ms O'Toast?

Peas on Toast said...

Leigh-Anne - mornin' sunshine!
I'm not sure if she knows about this blog, probably not!

Does this mean I have to have The Blog Talk with her too? Hmmm, I suppose time will tell!

Leigh-Anne said...

The Blog Talk? In title case?

Do you actually have a talk you give to people about your blog?!

Peas on Toast said...

Leigh-Anne - it's more a tried & tested little spiel for the men who I date, or nap over with. As in, "OK, so you know about Peas On Toast, great. Are you cool with it, etc etc."

kabintsimbi said...

Oh my god, flashback! In first year back at Rhodes, I totally got caught looking at my Philosophy tutor's crotch...I was mortified. I was sitting at the um...head of the table & he was done there & was like 'hell yes, I'd do you!' Oh my god, he totally caught me stairing...I wanted to crawl away! I never really did that bad in foolosophy in the end! Kak sunject, so in the air & ridiculous but the eye candy was good!

Yay for the newbie flatmate...should be fun! Where is our daily dose of Mr 747? I demand it...

Peas on Toast said...

Kab - hahahahaha! The Tutor's Crotch. I see a screen play!

Daily dose of Mr 747...let's see...well next time I see him, I'll most likely stare at his crotch, and it won't be sub-conscious. :)

Betenoir said...

wait..he was offended that you looked at his crotch? wierdo. he should be flattered.

Peas on Toast said...

I think he was just surprised Bete :)
He's a good mate of mine. He blushed like a 15 year old :)

Leigh-Anne said...

I like it when men blush.

Makes me feel like a geisha.

Peas on Toast said...

I agree! I love making men blush too. They look vulnerable and sexually peturbed under the manly hardiness.

Leigh-Anne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leigh-Anne said...

Oh my god. I nearly choked on my coffee now.

Peas, surely you should know better than to put "man(ly)" and "hard(iness)" next to each other!

Oh lord. I am such a pervert...

Peas on Toast said...

Haha, sorry babe!

Shit maybe my horniness is more of a problem than I thought. Freudian slips there. I'm in a spot of trouble ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Hey, maybe you girls can all start your own support group:

"The Package Peepers"

"The Crotch Watchers"

"The Groin Gazers"

"The Knob Spotters"

Leigh-Anne said...

Oh Rev, as if it's not bad enough I have AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) you're putting more on my plate?

Nooooo!

Peas on Toast said...

Ah Revvie! :)

Revolving Credit said...

Leigh, we're putting nothing extra on your plate.

You appear to be confusing one of the suggested groups with the Knob Gobblers!

PS. Hiya Peas

Revolving Credit said...

It's gotten awfully quiet in here, again!!

Now will you girls please stop staring at my tackle long enough to say something!

(Hey, you there with the big eyes, wipe that drool from your mouth!)

Revolving Credit said...

(maybe they all just fainted???)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - sorry just recovering...you blew us all away.

And NO pun intended, so don't start :)

Revolving Credit said...

Wait, I'll get you a towel!

kyknoord said...

I dunno. Passive boob-gazing seems like a bit of waste of time.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev you horny bastard :)

Kyk - so...you go for the snatch and grab eh? ;)

tyrone said...

Snatch? Who mentioned snatch? Where's snatch?

I love snatch and grab.

Revolving Credit said...

Is "snatch and grab" anything like "scratch and sniff"?

Fatoumatta said...

27 aint that bad...reminds me when i turned 15,dint wan to...but now am soo over it!uld get over it,its not that bad....wish u luck with ur sep room mate!!
tc :]

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Fatoumatta :)