Monday, August 13, 2007

toilet roll, cycling & curry

Just a question – my toilet paper has little clouds on it. And little dogs.

Does my ass care? Does it honestly care though? Like does my bottom have eyes or something? TwinSaver, I appreciate your need to sjoosj up your bog roll for all those hoity toity doetpipes out there....but is it completely necessary?

Given, my ass is a larny ass. It likes a bit of cushioning and won't turn it's nose up at at a little bit of Three Ply, when on offer at the Westcliff Hotel.

It also gets scrubbed with a loofah everyday to ensure it's general well-being.

However, the floaty puppies and stupid clouds are a bit dumb. Because my eyes are in fact in my face, not my backside.

Just a thought.

I went on a 20 km cycle with Big T yesterday. I feel as though I have been sodomised ever-so-gently (possibly over a table or something...), but shit it feels good to get back on the saddle again. This was followed by a cheap and delicious Bismillah curry with Big T and Mr 747 in Fordsburg. A poppadum ladled in a bit of chicken masala is frightfully orgasmic.
Curry makes me horny. Just another thing I discovered about me yesterday.


Leigh-Anne said...

Um, I don't think it's intended for you bum, I think it's to look nice. Also, twinkies like nice soft toilet paper. I think that's the biggest reason.

Glad you're still doing the cycling thing! I really need to get some exercise! Will stick to sexercise for now, though... :-D

kyknoord said...

I've always thought toilet paper should be printed with fun facts like Chappies wrappers (or some such). Give you something to read if you don't have a magazine handy.

Peas on Toast said...

Leigh-Anne - Yeah I know it's to look nice...but can't they print Andy Warhols onto the paper?

I must say, I feel grrrrreat after my ride! :)

Kyk - Now that's a brilliant idea. Or even gutter tabloid stuff, like 'Britney's a Sex Addict' and stuff too.

Leigh-Anne said...

I think you're both right! Toilet paper should come in two varieties, at least, for the gossip monger and for the general knowledge addict.

I have a feeling Rev could come up with a great marketing strategy...

Peas on Toast said...

Ooh yes, let's get Revo onto this! We might've found a goldmine here!

Revolving Credit said...

Lets just leave the marketing angle for now and address your actual post.

You were sodomised for 20km and had a portion of hot curry which is bound to turn your ass into a flamethrower as it attempts to exit your system.

I suspect that somewhat later your ass is gonna need all the help and pampering is can get: 3 ply, clouds, puppies, feather pillow and possibly fire extinguisher.

Maybe it's just toilet hieroglyphs implying that there's a storm brewing and later your're going to feel like you've been bitten in the ass.

Leigh-Anne said...

Rev is wise beyond his years.

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - but a firethrowing ass is so sheksie! Been doing handstands in the shower all morgen.

SheBee said...


At least you can say your toilet paper is pretty! Mine doesnt qualify for lame ass clouds or dodgy looking doggies yet. Maybe when I grow up I can afford it.

Leigh-Anne said...

I can't use toilet paper that isn't soft and squishy and pretty. I just can't. I usually carry a little packet of tissues in my handbag to use if I really, really, really need to go.

And as Peas always says, it's a good thing girls don't pooh.

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - serious! No pretty widdy pictures on your bog roll?

AsLeigh-Anne reiterates, it's a good thing us gals don't pooh.

Or as I heard recently, "Snap one off." Have you ever? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, you said "it feels good to get back on the saddle again"

Are you trying to elude to something??

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - I'd never elude. Promise.

Revolving Credit said...'d never elude or you'd never get back in the saddle???

Peas on Toast said...

Well here's hoping this old duck DOES get back on the proverbial sexual liaison saddle china.

There's only a certain amount of time sex addicts can hold out. Not that I'm one of those, no really.

tyrone said...

Well as a boy I can tell you that being able to snap one off is one of best things about being male.

And what's more, the saddle is fun, so get back on it, quick.

tyrone said...



Peas on Toast said...

Tyrone - Peas has a chastity belt at the moment and can I just say I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF FOR KEEPING THE KEY IN A SAFE PLACE!

tyrone said...

I'm very proud of you. Very, very, very, very proud.

Peas on Toast said...

Me too, thanks Tyrone.

It's not even an issue for me anymore. Honestly :)

Revolving Credit said...

Ok, back to the bog roll marketing angle.

I think we should market 'Fortune Telling Toilet Paper'

Kind of a cross between toilet paper and a fortune cookie.

To this end, each individual sheet will have it's own hierglyph printed on it.


Lips : You may need to kiss some ass
Finger : Time to pull your finger out your ass
Hand Mirror : You look like shit
Hydraulic Jack : Stop being a jackass
Zippo : You've got a really hot ass
Tongue: Damn, but your breath smells like shit
9mm Bullet: Caution, someone wants to pop a cap in your ass.

Revolving Credit said...

Haha...Peas's chastity is fine until someone sticks their key in her slot!

As far as I recall, the key has not been kept in a safe place.

Your mom, friends and Pretty have all found the whacker before!

Leigh-Anne said...

I love you Rev... Will you marry me?

Peas on Toast said...

Leigh-Anne - you can't marry Rev, he's mine sorry. I've proposed to him about 5 times. :) Sorry lady - maybe Tyrone is available?

Rev - This time, I swallowed the key.

Revolving Credit said...

You swallowed the key????

So your vow on chastity excluded blowjobs???

(For those of you who are a bit more observant, you will realise that Peas has also just answered the 'Spits or Swallows' questions...noice!)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - no hombre. I do however, swallow other things like keys, and after dropping a smartie on the pavement, I still eat it. Five second rule.

Revolving Credit said...

Box of smarties: So you think you're a smart ass.

Revolving Credit said...

Cigar: Damn girl, but your ass is smoking!!

Revolving Credit said...

Elastic band: Stop being such a tight ass!

Revolving Credit said...

Hey Peas, why so quiet?
What's wrong, can't you blog with your mouth full??

Peas on Toast said...

Hahahaha! Was just about to reply!

My mouth is full of...leftover pasta, but wha-eva.

I think there's some money to be made here. I see an investment. Bog roll filled with your quotes spanning over the last two years on this blog.


Can you see the dollar signs? Can you?

We can launch with the "Nik Nak Paddy Whack Give a Poen a Hone" quote. The media will be on it like a fat kid to a donut.

ChewTheCud said...

Take care of your hole, you hole will take care of you ;)

Insane Insomniac said...

is it just a bizarre coincidence that your post talks about toilet paper and curry?
Those two things are like indespensible without the other. And yes, good indian curry can be divine!!!