I had beautifully chilled Women's Day with Mr 747. We drove out to Irene, ambled around the Jan Smuts museum, and had a nice, slow lunch over wine at the dairy. What a peach of a day.
Let me talk about baggage – the Big Bad B – for a sec.
This horrible little emotional vestibule can fuck up anything going forward. I believe baggage has had a small part in fucking up my previous relationships. But used responsibly, as a guide rather than an obstacle, one can move forward without taking too many suitcases along the way.
I know what I want and deserve now, after attempted tries. I have in no way been lucky in love. But instead of fighting this, and imagining another failure, I've decided this time round, I'm going to accept the cards I have been dealt. And proceed only with hope that this time, I may get lucky.
I know a few things now. Where my insecurities lie, what makes me tick, and what I believe I deserve. Mr 747 and I just click – it's so easy. Wow, things actually don't have to be a battle. This one seems a bit different somehow, and we've spent a lot of time together in the last few weeks. I'd love to write about my new dude more, but I won't babble on and on - not on this here blog.
I still have baggage, or perhaps, less derogatorily, experience. But I've decided not to let it jade me, to the point of cynical distraction this time. If it doesn't work longterm, well, then, well shit, I'll be sad. However, I don't want to preempt a doomsday because my baggage tells me I should expect to.
As a result, I'm not scared this time. I'm not actually terrified, like before. In fact, I'm extraordinarily chilled. If it doesn't last, well, hell, I've been down this path before (over and over), it's old hat - so what is there to be terrified of really?
That said, I know what I want. And there're some things I won't compromise on. But I think those things are justifiable, not unreasonable. Here's to keeping my baggage in check and...hoping for the best.