Wednesday, September 26, 2007

bodily strain

I'm kind of falling apart at the moment.
I fully blame my stress levels over the last month. (Searching for new job and new flatmate in feverish desperation, and serious cash-flow problems.)

Besides stress-induced eczema, a hairstyle that looks ridiculous, and cramps in the lower abdomen, this is child's play in comparison to my right ear.

I am stone deaf. People have spoken to me over the last few weeks, and I'm telling you, I've learnt to lip read quite exceptionally.

I don't visit doctors unless my arm is falling off and trailing behind me. But the time has come. People have been complaining that I appear to be talking to myself, when I'm actually addressing them.

“So isn't this falafel fantastic, so great with humus.”
Person: You're mumbling, what?
Peas: Huh?
Person: Were you talking to me?
Peas: Sorry, huh?
Person: CAN YOU HEAR THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY LIPS?
Peas: Now I can, speak up for God's sake.
Person: GET YOUR EAR PLUNGED, BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON TALKING TO YOURSELF.
Peas: OH-KAY. BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS FALAFEL?

I also have tinitis. The kind of ringing that comes with ear blockage that eventually makes people go insane. Perhaps what drove Beethoven to madness eventually.

So today, I will wait in anticipation to see what comes out of my ear via a long and scary-looking extractor needle thingie.
My left ear's now taking strain too. I'm really not hearing much at all, come to think of it.

I had to watch the Crime & Investigation Channel on full blast last night.
I'm sure the neighbourhood loved hearing about the two guys that shot their parents in cold blood in Beverly Hills back in 1989. I certainly did. It's a good channel that.

And I feel like my gran. Deaf and into documentaries.

41 comments:

kyknoord said...

So that explains why you aren't answering your phone.

Peas on Toast said...

Omygod. YOU'RE BACK!

Kykie where've you been my whole life??

You don't call, you don't write...you'd better be back for good, or Peas' hair will definitely fall out.
xxxxx

Storm said...

you sure you wanna blame stress for all of this???

Peas on Toast said...

Storm - well I don't think I can blame stress for making me deaf. That would be a little over the top.

But everything else, absolutely.

SheBee said...

I'm guessing the earbud didn't work then?

Revolving Credit said...

Now let this be a lesson to you!

When in a drunken state, you snog some stranger who sticks their tongue in your ear, make damn sure they did not leave their chewing gum behind!

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - I'm terrified to stuck it in there, heard so many horror stories about earbuds!

Rev - And to think Mr 747 said he swallowed his gum when it suddenly disappeared. Lies. All lies!

Revolving Credit said...

and when you said that you had swallowed, were you telling the truth or was that also just lies, all lies.....ROFL.

Peas on Toast said...

It was lies.

When last did you speak the truth in the bedroom Revvie, come tell us!

Revolving Credit said...

It's kinda difficult to speak with that mask on.

Peas on Toast said...

OK, now I'm getting a fairly succinct image of Rev in the throes of passion.

A little Eyes Wide Shut mixed with a bit of Jason: The Return of Friday the 13th.

Sexy dude. :)

Revolving Credit said...

..I'm getting a fairly succinct image of Rev in the throes of passion

Living out your S&M fantasies I see!

Shall I bring the Freddie Kruger glove as well!

Maybe the Hannibal Lector mask?

Do you hear the lambs Miss Peas?

Peas on Toast said...

OK Revvie. As long as you promise to scatter rose petals on my bed first and suck on my big toe.

;)

KaBtalk said...

eew...imagine if it's a cockroach or some equally revolting disgusting species that has enveloped itself in your ear drum...feeding off of you wax?!?

Sick!

Revolving Credit said...

OK, now just to find someone called Rose, flay her into little delicate petal size pieces and spread her around the room.

Peas, you still got hairy toes??
Just wondering if the toe sucking could double up as flossing??

Do you think Lucas will look after my ice-cream van while I'm there? You now, dodgy neighbourhood and all!

Peas on Toast said...

Oh god. The legend of the hairy feet lives on. The Gilb and Ant offered to wax them for me again this weekend.
Not that they need waxing. They're just a bit...fluffy.

Dude, are you the scary guy that lures little kids to his ice cream van with "Hey kid...you wanna..ice cream?"

Revolving Credit said...

Think Stephen King meets South Park.

Do you get 'Veet for Feet'??
Can you comb it?
Maybe gel it?
How about last week's bluerinse?

Peas on Toast said...

What, all 18 hairs? Maybe I should just braid them. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Seriously now

Are you a hobbit?
Do you come from the Shire?
Do you know Frodo Baggins?
Can you get me his autograph?

Does a foot massage qualify as 'stroking the fur'??

Peas on Toast said...

Hahahaha, you cheeky bastard. Yes I'm a hobbit. That's why I blog all day because nobody wants to be my friend.

I insist hairy feet are de rigeuer, but nobody listens to a hairy little squat fat thing like me....:(

Revolving Credit said...

Seeing as you have dwarf friends, what are you views on Dwarf Tossing as an Olympic Sport?

Peas on Toast said...

As long as no one is tossing me off, it's fine.
Hardy ha ha :)

Rock chik said...

Ahhh speaking of going deaf in one ear....... i have a major issue, it appears my neighbours are Backstreet boy fanatics... it has become a battle of the speafers, my staind vs their icky boyband. And so im deaf:( feel bad god dammit

Peas on Toast said...

rock chik - oooh, that's a tough one. My neighbour has a James Blunt infatuation, so I hear you. But then again, I listen to the likes of Snap and Sash!. No really.

I suggest earphones. My iPod is my crucible.

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, that's it, you're not going deaf at all...just take the iPOD earphones out your ear, I'm sure it'll improve your hearing 10 fold.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Well put it this way, when I do put earphones in my ear, I still can't hear nothin'. It's that bad.

It'll be syringed in about 3 hours. Yippeeeee!

Revolving Credit said...

Peazel, when you put earphones in your ears, you won't hear anything until you press the PLAY button.

Tell me, last time you were busy with the DIY hair treatment, did you possibly dye your toe hair blonde??

Peas on Toast said...

Of that I'm aware, Revver.

Just a pity hat when it's on max volume I can't hear a bloody thing innit?

Jam said...

SO YOU DID NOT HEAR ME AT LUNCH???

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like a good time to start learning sign language!

Revolving Credit said...

Hi Jamsel!

:)

Peas on Toast said...

Hello Jamaloni! (Again!)

We just had lunch together Revvo, and yes I did hear you Jam, but did you not see how I was leaning forward and watching your lips doll? ;)

SheBee said...

Your comment times are all whack, so has 3hours passed yet?

CAN YOU HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUTTA MA MOUTH??

Revolving Credit said...

People, you don't need sign language or lip reading or increased volume on the blog.

Peas is going deaf, not blind...I'm sure see can read our comments just fine

(it's what we say behind here back that she can't hear :)

Peas on Toast said...

Sheebs - I CAN, I'M ONLY SHOUTING BECAUSE I'M FEELING DISCRIMINATED AGAINST HERE PEOPLE.

REV, THANKS CHINA. I'M DEAF NOT BLIND. :)

I just can't wait to hear the soothing sounds of Lionel Richie again.....

Jam said...

Hello Revo.
;-)
I thought you were being really friendly.

Revolving Credit said...

Hi Jami, what happened to your blog, was it repossesed??

Peas, why not just stare at the Lionel Richie album cover, pretend that you can walk on the ceiling...

spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig can...oops, sorry, that just slipped out, don't you just hate when that happens..excuse me..I need to go take a purple tablet.

Jam said...

Clerical error. Life admin not being upheld or something. NOw let's see who can find my new blog.
;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Revo - ha ha! The little white tablets work well too. ;)

Jam - I wanna see it, I wanna see it!
And before Rev says something lewd, it's your blog I want to see. Just so we're clear. :)

Jam said...

Actually have to register etc etc..but hopefully it will be up soon...

Revolving Credit said...

Come on, how can you expect me to stalk a blog that doesn't even exist yet....I'm good but I'm not a gypsy fortune teller...time for another purple pill!