I'm kind of falling apart at the moment.
I fully blame my stress levels over the last month. (Searching for new job and new flatmate in feverish desperation, and serious cash-flow problems.)
Besides stress-induced eczema, a hairstyle that looks ridiculous, and cramps in the lower abdomen, this is child's play in comparison to my right ear.
I am stone deaf. People have spoken to me over the last few weeks, and I'm telling you, I've learnt to lip read quite exceptionally.
I don't visit doctors unless my arm is falling off and trailing behind me. But the time has come. People have been complaining that I appear to be talking to myself, when I'm actually addressing them.
“So isn't this falafel fantastic, so great with humus.”
Person: You're mumbling, what?
Person: Were you talking to me?
Peas: Sorry, huh?
Person: CAN YOU HEAR THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY LIPS?
Peas: Now I can, speak up for God's sake.
Person: GET YOUR EAR PLUNGED, BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON TALKING TO YOURSELF.
Peas: OH-KAY. BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS FALAFEL?
I also have tinitis. The kind of ringing that comes with ear blockage that eventually makes people go insane. Perhaps what drove Beethoven to madness eventually.
So today, I will wait in anticipation to see what comes out of my ear via a long and scary-looking extractor needle thingie.
My left ear's now taking strain too. I'm really not hearing much at all, come to think of it.
I had to watch the Crime & Investigation Channel on full blast last night.
I'm sure the neighbourhood loved hearing about the two guys that shot their parents in cold blood in Beverly Hills back in 1989. I certainly did. It's a good channel that.
And I feel like my gran. Deaf and into documentaries.