Tuesday, September 25, 2007

bonnie doonadorp

Twas the long weekend. A last minute decision, Mr 747 and I hopped in the car and fucked off to Machadodorp, Mpumalanga to join The Ant and The Gilb in the 'bush'.

The brochure, however, obviously had some fine print we all missed:

a) we'd be staying in the middle of the town, two farts away from the NG Kerk. The impressive sound of exotic wildlife was the gentle hum of the N4 highway;

b) our neighbours lived in a mobile home and had a massive dog with orange eyes;

c) we'd be subjected to a small town dorp experience like in Huisgenoot. In actual fact, we holidayed in Bonnie Doone. (Watch The Castle, that was us.)

Twenty metres down the road, the local pub. One always gets the once over from the locals when one walks into a pub where tourists aren't a usual thing, but this was something else altogether. We had drunk a fair amount of gin and tonic around the fire, but hell, we were uitstekende Engelse tourists.

Worse than when I walked into the Wimpy in Nylstroom that one time.

“Out Of Towners” really doesn't give us credit. Even after ordering a round of Klippies & Coke, they didn't love us lank, hey. We didn't get ice in our drinks and they called last rounds after 30 minutes of us being there.

I did get one marriage proposal though, from a dude the size of a small townhouse complex, and 747 made mates with a guy with the most insane set of chompers I've ever seen – but other than that, the phrase 'welcome mat' wasn't one used around these parts much.

So we punished them by wheelspinning around the block a few times, whilst pumping Reactivate 9 at maximum volume.

We found a dam, shimmering like a mirage in the hot lowveld sun. “Ah, excellent,” we thought. A day swimming, catching some rays and drinking in the beautiful surrounding scenery.
Not exactly. 'Surrounding scenery':

1)construction site
2)clusters of shiny power lines
3)monolithic stretches of mud
4)large piles of steaming cow dung, expelled from random mangey bovines lurking nearby
5)signs that screamed, “BILHARZIA”
6)mobile homes
7)people with three eyes

We didn't swim, nor did we catch any rays, because the wind was howling so hectically, we huddled on the side of the Land Rover pretending to enjoy ourselves.

But there was one thing. Serenidy.
Despite the odd roar of a two stroke engine and a howling dog.

But what really made the weekend a treat, was the sound of a yodeling Muslim over a loudspeaker from a mosque at 3:00 o clock each morning.

However, one must remember: although we won't be going back to Machadodorp in a hurry, you can't undermine experience. Sure, none of our mates will ever go there/have been there/want to go there, and maybe it's not favoured by Getaway as A la Destination Splendide, but there's one thing we all agreed on: it sure beat staying in Joburg for the weekend.
And it was great to chill out, talk shit and catch up with The Ant whom I'm miss terribly.
We buggered around in Bonnie Doone. You can't buy that. You'd be drayming if you could.


ChewTheCud said...

Does serenidy combine the qualities of serendipity and serenity or did you just make that up?

Peas on Toast said...

No dude. Serenidy is serenity said Australian.

Watch the Castle! :)

Anonymous said...


I am Darkchocolate. I read your blog often. Thanks for making my tuesday morning. I was sulking about being back at work now I am laughing my head off. Great piece writting there :)

Peas on Toast said...

Hi there Darkchocolate. :)
No problem and thanks! I'm also sulking because am back at work.
In some strange way, I still wish I was on the edge of the Bilharzia lake...

Revolving Credit said...

Does Lucas know about this latest marriage proposal??

Betenoir said...

ah. I could do with some serenidy right now. Perhaps I should run away to the boonies. And marry a townhouse complex.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - The reaction should be entertaining if I do tell him. :)

Bete - he was wearing a shirt that said, "Pomp bliksem pump." Perfect husband material, doll. ;)

Anonymous said...

Hi Peas
I'm a random stranger who loves your blog (name is Tam). I have a friend who has a permanent caravan parked at a dam near Citrusdal. It's a hot 2 hour drive from Cape Town. There is a pig farm across from the dam. crazy speedboats and jetski's pound the water from dawn to dusk, giant spiders and lizards abound.

Something about it that we keep going back for, is it the strench of pigs at dusk? cooking food on the braai, driving up there singing the " We go-ing to Bonnie Doone, we go-ing to Bonnie Doone."?... or waiting for my guy to stand by the water - looking for 3 boats to zoom past and scream "Ah the Serenidy!"?

Peas on Toast said...

Anon/Tam - hi there! That's perrrfect, exactly the scene set for my long weekend - and you get the whole Bonnie Doon vibe to a tee. I can just imagine your mate's caravan, in the heat, with the stench of porcine by-product....beeyoodiful! :)

SheBee said...

I am so grateful I live at the ocean. Like, alot grateful.


Peas on Toast said...

Yeah SheBee -next time we're coming to YOUR house. :)
You don't mind five random strangers rocking up on your door right? We'll bring our own mobile home, and just park it in your garden if that's ok?

The Divine Miss M said...

That sounds like the best weekend away ever!

Oh wow, the Serenidy ... you must be completely chilled out and relaxed!


Peas on Toast said...

The Divine - I'm so filled with serenidy today, I've decided to book again for next year! And this time I'll blindfold another 20 mates and drag them along too. Hell, they'll be pleased when they get there!

SheBee said...

fantastical. No problems there.

Revolving Credit said...

Survivor Serenidy!!

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - awesome, we'll even bring our own extension cables and propane gas, so we not too much of a bovver :)

Rev - Let's get Mark Baily in on it - Survivor South Africa: Machadodorp. Winner to take immunity stays the most serenidy-filled.

Revolving Credit said...

Teams compete in the Bilhazia Challenge to win the Immunity AK47.

If you survive the Biharzia, we give you a gun, therefore you can increase you resources and food supply by hijacking passing traffic on the N4.

Peas on Toast said...

...not to mention looting and pillaging the locals after downing one Klippies & Coke at the pub, and then dancing naked around the NG Kerk.


Revolving Credit said...

SA Survivor catch phrase:

The Bribe has spoken!!

Peas on Toast said...

Hahahahaha :)
I propose you take over the show Rev. You'd be a hoot.

Revolving Credit said...

Why not try shit like

Survivor: Western Deep Levels

Stick the buggers 2000m down a mine shaft, give them a candle and comeback 1 month later and see if any are still alive.

- Immunity Hardhats
- Rockfall Challenges
- Wanna start a fire? well dig some coal 1st!
- Don't give them fishing line and matches, give them rat traps and dynamite!!
The team who mines the most gold or biggest diamand gets reward.

Sitting on a beach eating coconuts is not a challenge..trying to resolve a National Union of Mineworkers strike and related hostel violents while finding the right muti to scare the workers back down the mine shaft - that is a challenge.

Peas on Toast said...

Ha ha! I agree with you 100%. Eating coconuts and squabbling about who swims better etc etc, while sleeping on sand...in comparison to The National Union of Mineworkers Day In the Life Of, and a 4 km deep mine shaft!

Survivor is more like Big Brother On The Beach than anything else :)

Revolving Credit said...

Survivor: Hillbrow

Make them camp in Joubert Park.

Peas on Toast said...

..Immunity Challenge: the one who walks down the street longest with a cell phone, camera, jewellery, etc without being mugged, wins.

Anonymous said...

Hmm drinking and driving - wow you're cool!

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - this is a space that reserves no judgment, ass face.

I'm willing to bet the last time YOU drove drunk, it was more than 20 metres down the road.

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