Thursday, September 27, 2007

p-earfect sense

I was feeling a bit sad yesterday, before I got my ear syringed.

Yesterday when the lovely dokutela extracted a pound of ear wax from my ear, I morbidly thought (taken I was depressed and deaf): “What if he finds a tumour down there?”

Like, what if he found a great, big throbbing cancerous tumour so large and bulbous, the doctor would gasp in awe and pronounce, “Why, I've never seen something so large and carcinogenic in all my life! You have three weeks to live, Peas. Sorry about that.”

The scary thing is, I wouldn't be devastated. And I'm not certain the world would cry either.

Death only scares me in that the place I'll go to in the afterlife may have the likes of Slobodan Milosevic and Jack The Ripper in it, who aren't nice people. But death hardly scares me anymore.
It's got to be helluva less stressful or sad as life on Earth.

I mean, if I had three weeks to live due to Cancerous Ear Tumour, what's the worst that can happen? I don't pay SARS the money I owe them? (which I don't have?)

My car won't need to be serviced, it won't matter that I'm broke, I may not experience another broken heart, and I won't need to diet in time for summer. Also, I'll die while on holiday in the Seychelles, which wouldn't be such a bad way to pass now would it?

Morbid thoughts really, so I was almost disappointed when two giant globules of wax were flushed from my ear instead.
At least I can hear again. I realised how debilitating it is when you can't hear yourself talk, nevermind people around you.
Now it feels as clear as crystal. So that's super. I guess.

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

You asked what the worst that could happen would be, well, you'd be dead, thats the worst that could happen.

Dodging taxes, broken hearts, ear-syringes, having no money, being sad and everything else that seems awful is a walk in the park compared to taking that final stroll with Mr. Reaper.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - why, have you been dead before? Do you actually know this, or is this one of those rumours?

fush and chips said...

I had that 'death? yeah, whut-evah' feeling last month. General anaesthetic. As I slipped blissfully under, I thought 'what if I DON'T wake up?'. My upcoming life of bills, admin, car repair, and halting relationships flashed before my eyes, and I faded to black in an oddly ambivalent tra la la mood.

I'm back, and that's pretty cool.

'I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens' - Woody Allen.

Peas on Toast said...

fush and chips - Oh I hear you. Quite literally too. Bills, admin, possible heartbreaks...and also felt oddly nonchalant about being told I have a tumour eating away at my eardrums.

I suppose it would also mean I miss out on cool stuff though, like Jaegerbombs, sweet nothings whispered in my ear, Norwegian salmon and shoes on sale at half price.

Anonymous said...

I suppose it depends on what one believes happens once we die. I think when you're dead, thats it. no heaven, no hell, no bliss, no pain, no flames, no clouds. Nothing. So for me at least, there is nothing worse than dying. Thats all I meant.

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - fair enough. Although if it's like as you say, there is something worse than nothingness.

Haemorrhoids.

Rock chik said...

Something worse than dying you say???

BACKSTREET BOYS, erg, peas Im still battling with my neighbours... Any suggetions?

Peas on Toast said...

rock chik - so you're also dying a slow, and painful death I see. Trip the electricity babe. Then stuff a note under their door: "Play Aint Nothin' But A Heartache again, and you'll never get to use your appliances again."

Rock chik said...

Ok Ok, not worse than dying, il give you that much, but come now.... its the closest thing to a nasty afterlife.

eff you backstreet

Rock chik said...

Haha, now theres a plan...
Hmmmmm the note of familiarity tells me you'v been here before

Peas on Toast said...

Rock chik - Admittedly I am one to listen to cheesy 90s music, but I do draw the line at 90s boybands.

Perhaps suggest to your neighbours that stuff has happened since 1996. Stuff like Justin Timberlake has gone solo...yeah, N Sync was so bad, even he stopped listening to it.

Peas on Toast said...

Rock chik - Unfortunately, the note giver in my case was the lady two doors down, complaining about my incessant use of Michael Bolton.

I'm not even joking.

My bad.

Rock chik said...

Oh well there,s nothing wrong with recycling a bit of ingenuity. at this point im so desperate il try anything.

Michael Bolton? Try Michael Buble... ooh the guy is fierce

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah I'd shag Buble. His voice is incredible.

I think I need to find some happy music though. I'm feeling a bit depressed, and sad music may just be the end of me.

Rock chik said...

Happy music just doesnt sell, unless you count some of that Bob Sinclair nonsense that seeems to be doing the rounds these days..

Hard to keep up with the latest rubbish getting airplay

Peas on Toast said...

Rock chick - I won't lie the happiest moments of my life (before the song was played 500 times a day on the radio) was when Love Generation was doing the rounds.

But it's overrated.

What I need is some....country and western?
Oh god, please no.

Revolving Credit said...

Morning Peazel

Glad to hear that the voices in your head have returned.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - the voices are all over the show this morning, screaming at me from all directions.

I think I need some coffee.

Revolving Credit said...

Why, are the voices saying that they want coffee?

Are there any voices demanding jagermeister or maybe a foot massage??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - a number of requests from the voices within. Including coffee, foot massages, a hug, no, lots of hugs, cash, a holiday, a duvet, someone to stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be alright.

Champagne Heathen said...

It's not so much death I'd prefer to avoid, as a painful trip into it.

Ah Peas, many people would miss & sob for you. Don't worry about that part. Just tell that man of yours to visit you during his lunch hour today. Or hug the rat.

Peas on Toast said...

Champs - I agree, it's the lead up till death that could be pretty painful. And thanks for your kind words! :)

Revolving Credit said...

The voices want someone to stroke your hair and a foot massage.

Isn't that the same request - someone to stroke your hairy feet??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - you up for it boet?

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh. Death. There's an easy way out for a lot of things. Pity life is so interesting in the mean time tho.

PS: I have posted a note especially for you in facebook peas. Will tag you or summing so you see. Only you could appreciate this as much as I did.

SheBee said...

...aaaaaaaaaand that was me commenting above. My bad.

Am experiencing the wellknown disease Hungoveritis.

Revolving Credit said...

Would you like some highlights while I'm doing the foot massage?

Peas on Toast said...

Sheebs - you totally made my day girlfriend! Thanks babe! :)

Good luck with el hangover :)

Rev - pink streaks would be fitting, so yes please!

Revolving Credit said...

I was kinda thinking racing stripes!

Nicole said...

Peas, this was a very un-peas type post....very sort of depressive and the like!

Anonymous said...

Death.....Hmmfff. I hear you peas.

I'm being whisked off to the Palace by chopper today, staying the weekend all expenses paid for, spa's, golf, drinks, gambling! Sounds great hey.... except my girlfriend and I ended it and the heartache is all a little more pressing than the bloody excitement I should be experiencing. I bloody hate heartache. Bring on that anasthesia :(

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - ag shame my dear, no spas, all expenses-paid luxury ticket can mend the immediate dull thud of heart ache. So make sure you get a free bar tab too. :( Good luck!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - like in Telledega Nights? ;)

Nicole - I think it's the weather. I promise to be more upbeat tomarrah :)

SheBee said...

Please may I rant a bit?

I apologise in advance for this, I am hanging. badly. Therefore I am grumpy as fuck, but:

FOR FUCK SAKES! Everyone is allowed a day off. No one can be funny all the time, or up beat or cheery or yip-de-skip-defucking-doo.

Jaysus.

Nicole, this is not directed at you personally, but all the comments I have read or received that say things along those lines.

give the people a break. They have mood swings too.

Ps: PMS - also stands for Potential Murder Suspect. Combine that with hangoveritis and you have a mad woman on your hands.

Back the hell down.

Peas on Toast said...

Sheebs - shame my friend, you need to get to a bed, be fed hot soup and have someone massage your feet my girl! (Rev is always keen.)

Yip, everyone has their off days, it's human nature - but I like to think they ask over it because they care a little bit. Well I hope so anyway! :)

I hope you feel right as rain soon, this hangover sounds like a real stinker. :(

SheBee said...

Oh my gosh.

Sorry Nicole. Sorry Peas. Sorry Guys.

I'll take that foot massage, please. Rev?

Sorry. Really. I blame Jaeger bombs.

Revolving Credit said...

Never blame the jager!

Foot massage?
Are you also a hobbit?

Racing stripes or flames??

Peas on Toast said...

Shame SheBee, hangovers are just the frigging pits. Don't be sorry, just drink lots of fluid and nurse yourself doll!

Revolving Credit said...

Why not just stay drunk?
Have a few beers and a couple of jagers at lunch and let the party continue???

SheBee said...

Nope, a few hairs here and there. And they are kinda small..... er, yeah. hobbit foots.

I can't drink anymore. My hands are shaking.

Revolving Credit said...

If you shave them, they will grow back thicker.

OK everyone with stubbly feet, shave them and lets get some hair growing!

Lets see if we can get a whole herd of hobbits together!

Maybe have a Lord of the Rings party??

Wotcha think???

Peas on Toast said...

PS: Chaps, IT WAS REV'S BIRTHDAY THE OTHER DAY.

And he didn't make a squeak!

So let's all douse him in belted birthday virtual Jaegermeister!

SheBee said...

HUMPHREY BUMPHREY TO YOOOOOOOOOOOU
HUMPHREY BUMPHREY TO YOOOOOOOOOOOU

HUMPHREY BUMPHREY TO REVVIEEEEEEEEE

HUMPHREY BUMPHREY TO YOOOOOOOOOOOU


How could you not say anything?

*Bucket of Jaeger, right on your kop*

Revolving Credit said...

Didn't say much, because I suspect, much like you are now, I was well and truely hungover!

SheBee said...

rev, as kak as i feel, i would have shouted off the roof tops. nothing beats love on your hatch day.

SheBee said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

Please watch this. I triple decker dare you not to smile.

Storm said...

sounds like you guys are really depro today.....i'm not quite depro...but i am having a bit of a bittersweet day.

today 2 year ago, i thought i was dead!

SheBee said...

Storm, pray tell, how in the hell did you think you were dead?

Gosh. That sounds like an interesting story for the grandkids ;)

storm said...

lol...you'd think you were dead too shebee:-) if a drunk guy hits you at 160 that is!

big bang! nothing left of my precious little car:-( 2 emergency ops, more than a week in hospital and bedridden for two months...now i'm like the woman of steel!!!! when that car hit me i thought i died......helluva story when you have the details:-)

storm said...

lol...you'd think you were dead too shebee:-) if a drunk guy hits you at 160 that is!

big bang! nothing left of my precious little car:-( 2 emergency ops, more than a week in hospital and bedridden for two months...now i'm like the woman of steel!!!! when that car hit me i thought i died......helluva story when you have the details:-)

Storm said...

oops, sorry:-( somehow that came through twice....think my laptops in the same bittersweet trip down memory lane......it was in the boot of the car and survived...think i just reminded it that it's supposed to be a crash victim or something!

Peas on Toast said...

Shitters just caught up on the comments - wow Strom, that is pretty intense, and makes me realise that I shouldn't be complaining about life when death's door can hit you at 160 kms an hour. Well done for coming through it, that's pretty incredible.

Koekie said...

Hey Peas. You know how I feel about things in/near my ears? I hate it. People have lost fingers trying to give me a "wet willy". I would rather lose full hearing, than have a qualified doctor syringe liquid into my ear. I commend your bravery.

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