Friday, October 05, 2007


So I'm off to the Seychelles tomorrow. I got excited for the first time last night. While you poor sods spend your weekend in a smoky local watering hole, I'll be drinking rum daiquiris on a sandy white beach.

This is both a tropical-paradise-island holiday, as well as a family reunion, as well as an historical tour.
Three genres of holiday stuffed into one, basically. As I've mentioned before, my mother's side of the family are Francophiles, some growing up in the Seychelles.

The family, from all over the globe, have flown in. My crazy aunt from Canada, being one. She dances on tables, hates a good drink, hates sharing a little shiroot with me and got busted for smoking pot at school. Also known to fart loudly in public much to the embarrassment of everyone else. We get on like a house on fire.

I'll also be meeting about 6 000 cousins, and visit the home of my grandmother. My 'Grandmere' is my second mother, one of my most favourite people in the whole world. We only speak French to each other, she totally digs it. I love her to pieces, and am looking forward to seeing where she was brought up - within the upper-echelons of the Colonial bourgeoisie. On a coconut plantation on Praslin island. We'll be staying there, and on Mahé, the main island.

My grandfather hasn't been well lately, so I'm hoping this holiday will give him a new lease on life. My step dad, always with great gnashing of teeth, deals with my mum and her ever-giggling sisters very well:

The sisterhood is rearing to go. One thing you won’t do in the Seychelles is starve to death. You’ll be able to open up a grocery shop if you need extra cash. I hope your Mum has booked a bakkie to move you around. Coffee you can have intravenously, there’s enough of it. And some mysterious foreign stuff, your aunt bought from Canada. They think they're going to the 3rd world. Talk about taking coals to Newcastle – they're actually discussing taking canned fish to the Seychelles. Hope they’ve organised some sugar, maybe some coco-de-mer… At least the blow-up mattress didn’t make it from Canada.

As for your aunt's farting problem, the roof hasn't lifted off yet. She's eating healthier, which is maybe resulting in reduced gaseous exchange with the outside environment. I’m holding thumbs for you while in the Seychelles. Maybe she’s building it up to a surprise, while you all share a confined space.
After the airport, I'm rushing home to tuck into all the stuff they will have to leave behind, including half the food your grandmother bought.
I need some male company at home at the moment. There's oestrogen everywhere. Your cousin also needs a wingman, she's glad you'll be around.
Your step-dad.

Bring on the snorkelling, white sandy beaches, sun, cheap Seychellwan rum, eccentric family members, speaking French, and spicy Creole food. This holiday has been the shining light at the end of a very overtired, overworked tunnel.

I'm gonna miss Mr 747 and Chad. But I'm sure I'll survive.
Toodles until then.

PS: My New Zealand aunt got the boobs in the family. We don't quite understand it. Mum, Grandmere and I are a little short in the noombie department. I plan to do get to the bottom of this via some family tree-tracing.


Jam said...

Have an amazing time Peas! Catch up with you when you're back.

Leigh Anne said...

Hope you have an awesome time!

Take lots of pics so that those of us who live vicariously through you have something new to gawp at!

Especially pics of your hot male cousins - ooh la la! ;)

Speak to you soon!

Leigh Anne said...

P.S. Noombies are overrated - it's no fun having people speak to them instead of to you.

My three favourite tshirts read:

1. I'm more than a pair of mammary glands

2. Stop staring at my boobs


3. Yes, they're real.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - thanks doll! I'm not gone yet, so pop down for a cuppa coffee today ok?

Leigh-Anne - thanks babe, and yes mammories aren't everything. I like to think my ass makes up for the lack of mammory on my chest :)
I will take lots of pics, promise promise. :)

KaBtalk said...

Morning you lucky bitch!

I'm so damn jealous it's not even funny anymore!

You go have a ripper...we expect full report backs & possibly sneak previews every now & then!

Travel safe, drink lots & have a right jol!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Kab! Thanks babe. I know I'd be jealous of me too :)
I will try and update when I'm there, but I can't promise - in between the rum drinking and family outings :)

Revolving Credit said...

With 6000 cousins, one should be very careful.

Going out, getting shit faced and snogging some random can really backfire over the family breakfast table the following morning.

Peas: 'Morning sweety'
Snoggee: 'Morning Cuz'

Peas on Toast said...


My cousin from New Zealand is going to be appointed my wingman and Safety Officer. In the case where we're so shitfaced we can't see straight.

We'll look out for each other and ensure the cousins remain just that - cousins. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Kissing cousins, hey!

So does cheap rum make your bum hum??

Peas on Toast said...

No dude, unlike my ancestors, I'm not touching my cousins. Besides, I have a boyfriend, who'd better be waiting for me back at home, pining himself silly and missing me so much, he's counting down the hours til I see him again :)

Revolving Credit said...

With all the rugby still happening in the world cup, he's bound to be counting down the beer!!

Hey, why not take him with, then he can kiss your cousins for you!

Peas on Toast said...

Suck my balls Rev :)

Revolving Credit said...

I would, but what if it turns out that we're somehow related...cuz

Peas on Toast said...

Well that's a relief. Here I was thinking I had weird cousins, but since we're related that all changes.

Revolving Credit said...

Weird cousins!

You're the one who is female yet has balls??

I'll check the family tree to see if anyone was once in the circus.

Peas on Toast said...

You'll find me under the name "Freak Show."

I make good money.

crayola dude said...

A tropical island, a brazilian trillion cousins, and a crazy Canadian biddy with a loose foofie valve...

That could totlaly be some sort of sitcom involving family values and cheeky, well-intentioned shenanigans.

crayola dude said...

And some Skittles.

Peas on Toast said...

crayaola - maybe I should set up a vlog. You know, a webcam set on my family shenaniganing it around a tropical island, all in video posts. Survivor has nothing on this shit. :)

SheBee said...

Alrighty, I am over my initial murderous jealousy.


I hope you have a ball.

A ball. Not balls.

Leave your cousins alone, dammit!

We'll miss you :)

SilverSabre said...


You guys are HI Larious!!


Have a blast Peas :) We expect a slideshow when you get back.

And can I request one pic in the blingkini (Cos i know you packed it you kugel you :P )

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Sheebs!

Sabre - Thanks dude. I have packed a bikini for every day of the week. I'm not even kidding. :)

crayola dude said...


aaaaaand i'm spent...


Revolving Credit said...

Does everyone in the Seycelles tan topless??

If so, you can save space and pack only a weeks supply of bikini bottoms!

Ermmm...when wearing a bikini bottom, do you wear a nut know, to stop your balls from flopping out??

Peas on Toast said...

No boet. I proudly let it all hang out.

The Divine Miss M said...

Have an amazing time!

Can't wait to hear all about it when you come home :)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Miss M!

Revolving Credit said...

OK, I'm outta here, you have fun and I'll catch you on th flip side.

PS. Don't forget to shave your toes so that you don't get tanlines.

Peas on Toast said...

Ha ha, thanks Revvie! Catch you later skater.

Afro American said...

Drink more and smoke enough an ddrive too fast with a nice and sexy gal

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