Wednesday, November 21, 2007

One of the greatest musical mysteries...

...of all time:

Meatloaf.
(Not his hair.)

But, what is the “that” in the “But I won't do that?

Before I hit puberty I thought the "that" meant abstinence. Innocence readily abandoned, I believe it could be any one of a number of things:

a) a ménage
b) partner swapping
c) homoerotic persuasion
d) whips and chains
e) completely naked, because he's self-conscious
f) anal
g) change his religious beliefs
h) join Facebook ['cos he can see into the future]
i) give the object of his affections his last Rolo

The options are endless.

Dad's arrived. Last night he was going on about 'God Bless America.' And how he never believes conspiracy theories.
Even if all evidence to the latter suggests otherwise, with regards to JFK/Was Marilyn Monroe Murdered/Was Princess Di Pregnant When She Died/Did Paul McCartney Die In A Car Crash/Was 9/11 Created By The US Government/UFOs.

Hmmm.

32 comments:

kyknoord said...

Nah, he meant he wouldn't do the Dove sono i bei momenti aria from Le nozze di Figaro. He doesn't have the range.

Peas on Toast said...

Are you sure Kyk? Because he does a wonderful Vide Cor Meum from La Vita Nuova.

Mel said...

I think possibly it refers to Mrs Loaf's part in the song, where she asks him to do all kinds of things like "colourise her life" and he says "I can do that..." after each one. Then finally she says "sooner or later you'll be screwing around" and he protests "I won't do that". Maybe it just stuck and instead of thinking of a million things he wouldn't do it's a general, insert what you wouldn't do here thing.

Peas on Toast said...

Mrs Loaf! Mel you're a genius. It very possibly is that - but he still insists throughout the song he won't do that anyway. But maybe he's confessing his commitment to her. Bless, what a nice man.
:)

Amanzimtoti said...

Meatloaf was once asked in an interview what the 'that' was and he said that you just have to listen to the words: I would do anything for love... but I'll never forget the way I feel right now, oh no, no way, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. So he'll never forget the way he felt in that moment i.e. how much he loves her.

Bobby Kennedy killed Marilyn Monroe; the was another shooter on the grassy knoll; I doubt princess Di was pregnant, but she was still alive after the crash and the paparazzi watched her die; I think that there might be aliens out there, but I don't think they'd waste their time and resources coming here because if UFO's are real, why are they only seen in the USA?

Peas on Toast said...

Toti - ah ha! So Mr Loaf is in love with Mrs Loaf, that's the "that." Bless his little cotton jockstrap. :)

Yeah good point. UFOs only seem to land in the States. Russia is a bigger land mass, surely if aliens were visiting us, the probability would be that they land on the Asian continent at least once?

Question. Everything. Trust. No One.

Betenoir said...

I think he meant eating the afterbirth. No man should ever love a woman that much. I'm talking to you, Tom Cruise.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh hell Bete, I nearly just spat my Cuppa Soup all over the keyboard.

100% agreed. Siff oke.

crayola dude said...

Exactly. Afterbirth tastes gross anyway.

Peas on Toast said...

crayola - care to elaborate?

Champagne Heathen said...

Paul McCartney is dead????
Man, I really am out of the gossip loops these days!

pravda23 said...

Well, apparently his agent made him change the original line from "I won't do this" to "I won't do that". He hates that song.

Peas on Toast said...

Champers - here's a conspiracy theory that will knock your socks off:

Apparently Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1964 or thereabouts. During the escalation of Beatle fame. Without Paul, they were stuffed. So the theory goes that a certain William Smith got surgery to look like him, but sang just like him - and they slotted him into the band without anyone knowing.

It goes further, that all the clues for his death are on the Sergeant Pepper's Album. Google it, and they'll point to all the clues suggesting he died. Aldo some of the lyrics in their songs, with particular reference to 'Lovely Rita Metre Maid.' It's fascinating and completely obscure.

Peas on Toast said...

pravda - seriaas? He hates his one hit wonder? Amazing. Although "that" does sound better than "this."

The Divine Miss M said...

You guys are completely bonkers!

Mel - you are right though, I always thought it referred to Mrs Loaf's part about him screwing around.

Stupid song if you ask me, but great to sing along to in a power ballad type of way; gripping the hairbrush and standing on the couch screaming out "BUT I WON'T DO THAT"

Ah, I do love my mornings ...

Bete - Tom Cruise is a sick fucker, do you think he drugs Katie to get her into bed?

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - a "power ballad", that is some status there - I always thought Michael Bolton was the king of power ballads :)

And I think Katie has been scientologically [sic] hypnotised.

Tom Cruise was hot and sane in Top Gun. Then L Ron Hubbard fucked it all up.

charmskool said...

peas I've been a silent reader of yours for quite a while now but today I actually laughed till tears ran! crayola did you just have a small taste of afterbirth or did you eat the whole thing - you don't say. i shouldn't be asking it will just encourage bete to come up with more arcane stomach churners.

Peas on Toast said...

charmskool - howzit! I know, between Crayola and Bete, this place is a sordid little hole of revolting endeavours :) Then throw Rev in for some sexual persuasion, and in a nutshell: we're all going straight to hell.
:)

Chester Pillow said...

With all the stupid things you could call yourself, he chose 'Meatloaf'?!

"Mom, the meatloaf, FUCK! I never know what she's doing back there?"

The Divine Miss M said...

Hmm ... Meatloaf ...

I always wondered why the Smashing Pumpkins called themselves that. Was the conversation like this?

Wacking Melons? No ..
Hitting Strawberries? No, still not right.
Pumpkins ... Eating Pumpkins? Hmm ..
Smashing Guava ... I'VE GOT IT!

SMASHING PUMPKINS!

Mel said...

One of the funniest things about Meatloaf is his character in Rocky Horror Picture show, Eddie, who gets eaten... That's right, they EAT MEATLOAF! Waaahahahaha!!! Pass the Meatloaf hun, I mean, Eddie, I mean...

Ruby said...

stop stop! its gotta stop!!! there are tears streaming down my face, and thanks to you guys my client and his whole staff are now convinced i'm a complete whackjob...LOL

Chester Pillow said...

'Son's of Trout' - Mwahaaaaaaaaaaa!

Peas on Toast said...

Chester - yeah, again his name begs a few options:

a) He has a giant penis
b) He has a giant penis
c) He is not a vegetarian
d) He thinks he has a giant penis.

Whatcha reckon?

Miss M - The Smashing Guavas? Ha ha ha ha...yeah, because The Smashing Poenani's just wasn't PC. :)

Mel - It wouldn't be the first time someone ate a Meatloaf, let's face it :)

Ruby - official welcome to the Club of Whackjobs babe. It's fun, I promise :)

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - If I was a singer, I'd call myself...hmmmlet's see...The Perky Poen.

Nah just kidding.:)

Chester Pillow said...

"Paris Hilton' - what a stupid name for a band!

Chester Pillow said...

Ha ha, "The Perky Poen", ha ha, that's brilliant, Air Surpplies competion...C on the drums!

Maybe his penoos looks like a meatleaf with a bit of christmas crackling.... ;)

The Divine Miss M said...

Son's of Trout, WAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

Prime Circle ... what the fuck is that? Did they just put two words together as they sounded cool?

Anyone following how the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are trying to sue the makers of Californication (tv show with david duchovony, watch if possible as it is brilliant) for stealing their made up word. Meh, load of crap.

Hey, Red Hot Chilli Peppers ... because chilli's aren't just hot, they're RED HOT! *teehee*

I amuse myself.

Ruby - don't worry, your colleagues already probably think you're insane, it's all good ;)

Ruby said...

Miss M - Yep, apparently the client also knew this...they're just glad i'm doing it more openly now than before....i used to at least attempt normality

Peas - well babe, then i guess i'll just sit down and enjoy the ride

Storm said...

You guys are making me hungry!

Boomkind said...

Not much of a musical mystery, google has spoilt that for us. Took all of 0.189seconds to find the answer.

The Divine Miss M said...

Google sucks, this is much more fun!