Wednesday, November 28, 2007

thine album privato

Talking school yesterday evening with 3RM, I showed him my school photo album.

He went to my brother boarding school, so I afforded him this privilege. It's a rare exemption, to see this book. A very few handful of unfortunates have been privvy to it.

It's all braces and skinniness and bad ball partners.

There's no fucking way that album is getting into the wrong hands. But last night I made an exception:

3RM: Oh my God. Is that you?
Peas: No.
3RM: Oh my fucking days! It is you. [Wahahahahahahahahahahaah – turns to fever pitch shrieks and tears falling from his eye sockets in commiserating mirth] Fuck, that's just too classic.

Peas: Oh like you didn't wear a hat like that.
3RM: [Wahahahahahahahahahaha] Oh man. This is too much!


3RM: Dude, come your next big event, like your wedding or something, I'm going to copy that picture, give it to the person organising your hen party, and get t-shirts made. Man, oh man.
Peas: You wouldn't fucking dare mate.
3RM: How old were you?
Peas: 13.

3RM: Jesus, unlucky! Oh wait – what happened here, you suddenly lose the bad fringe and braces and look normal again...maybe you hit puberty suddenly. Hold on a sec, and this?
3RM: Parading around house banners on Sports Day.
Dude. You had banners at your Sports Days? No way dude. That's special.
Peas: You guys didn't paint house banners?
3RM: No dude. Sports Day was an affair where you'd run....and then leave. It was an inconvenience, wedged neatly in between rugby and the odd cricket match.

Peas: What happened at your school when people got busted for smoking pot again? Where the story made it into the papers and it was well shameful?
3RM: Oh, you mean 27 of us? It was on a class field trip back in '95. Twenty seven guys smoked pot. Out of A4 paper or the likes. Amateurs. Could only expel a few of us, because 27 boys was half the year.
Peas: That's hilarious.

3RM: You had to do what for your cac?
Peas: Turn down their bed covers, draw them good night cards with pretty little flowers and something equally twee like, “good night, sleep tight, hope the bed bugs don't bite,” fill their water bottles, fold their laundry, and make them hot chocolate.
3RM: No way dude. I just made my cac sit on the toilet to warm it up in the mornings and maybe buy me cigarettes. Hold on a second, what the fuck is this? hooked up with that guy?
Peas: Er...yeah. But in context, I was at my matric ball after party, a little wrecked, and wrapped in a Persian carpet on the floor. So I was, essentially, imprisoned.

3RM: Oh my fucking days...remember this guy?
Peas: Vaguely.
3RM: He and I offered to waiter at a ball, where they didn't seem to quite grasp the likely loophole of us serving and therefore pilfering all the free drinks, and we ended up so hammered, my housemaster found me in my blazer lying in the rain the next morning, passed out.

Peas: I was the worst date for this matric ball. I puked on the guy's shoes on the bus.
3RM: What? That is well skanky. Look at this picture, you guys look like convicts!
Peas: I know. We all ended up swimming in the school fountain.
3RM: You know how many guys pissed in the school fountain? Take this guy for example.
Peas: He was my boyfriend in Std 9.

And so it went. The album is under lock and key. I really don't want anybody to actually remember the discoball dress I wore (and thought was beautiful, ravishing and flattering) to my school formal dinner, for instance. And 3RM I don't think will forget that image for a while. We laughed until we cried.

PS: To the guy whose shoes I accidentally vomited on...yeah, I'm sorry about that. I owe you one big guy. :)


Ruby said...

gosh peas, somehow my whole high school experience sounds amazing;-) no braces at least..and certainly no funny hats...LOL

Tho i think lots of people might disagree with me if they took a peek at my album...thats why mine is also hidden away;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Ruby - there was one pic, where 3RM said: "Someone get this woman a HORSE. You're wearing white JODHPURS??"

"No dude, those are my sexy white jean pant. It was my Sunday best - for the Randburg Waterfront!"


Revolving Credit said...

You realise that this would be soo much more fun for all of us if you actually published one of those pics with this post!

Storm said...

oooh, I agree;-)

Peas on Toast said...

My bad.

Here you go:
This is me and my friend.

Jam said...

And then there's evil Facebook where some smart arse posts ancient pictures of you online and then having that album under lock and key is rendered useless.

Peas on Toast said...

And this is me in my final year:

This is the boyfriend who used to urinate regularly in the school fountain:


...and finally, this is me during my rebellious stage:

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - yeah, please come downstairs and say howzit!

Facebook is great for those old timer memories of bulging fringes, white jodpur pants and studded belts.

Revolving Credit said...

So Peas, you spent your school years looking like a set of bagpipes???

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I was thinking more along the lines of "institutionalised uniformed freak"?

Revolving Credit said...

Sooo lass, do ya like haggis?

Peas on Toast said...

A stomach lining filled with innards? Och! Aye! Yummy yummy!

The Divine Miss M said...

Oh man, I was so ugly in school - apparently I've "grown into my looks" - not sure if that is good or bad but as long as people think I'm pretty that is all that matters.

No one, and I repeat, no one will ever see my school photographs!

Revolving Credit said...

Sooo M lass, ya looked like a haggis???

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - och aye lass, what we have to remember is that we were in company coompany. (yes coompany, not a typo). Everyone went through that stage of white jodpur pants, bubble fringes and mouth fulla metal. Well, at least one of the above :)

The Divine Miss M said...

You're right, I think I went through those but not the white jodphur pants - I recall those horrid bubble shoes! Oh my god, those terrible plastic shoes that we used to wear *shivers*

I had a couple of really bad haircuts, braces, bad skin and I got fat at one point.


@revolving credit - a haggis?!!!