Monday, December 03, 2007


I blame Mr 747 for this outright – but I couldn't stop speaking in a serious Rand accent practically the whole weekend.


I say 'Rand', cos it could be east or west. See, Saturday morning was spent testing out a new karaoke mic in the lounge, and sing along Sam over there and I were talking in this accent - thinking we were the funniest people on the planet.

But like all accents, once I get going, I can't stop. It takes over me like an elter ego. There was the Australian accent of 2006, the Chav accent of 2007 and now pre-2008, I've jumped onto the Roodepoort bandwagon.

(Funny, since the weekend was filled with British comedy – Death At A Funeral at Nouveau I highly recommend. There's nothing funnier than watching a dude tripping on acid by accident. Good God, it was a scream.)

But. I went to E's final "I'm Off To Egypt" braai on Saturday, and as usual, couldn't shut the fuck up in this appalling tongue. Ripped the ring out of it.

Accents give me the ultimate kick. It's about the facial expressions, coupled with the hand gesticulations; the right accent on the right syllable, and the flattening of the vowels. I was a Virgin Active gym instructor called Lizelle from Weltervreden, and my boyfriend was a mechanic who rode a bark (bike) that was narce. (nice).

Everyone around me wants to kill me, but unfortunately, it cannot be helped. And it's not like I say, “K, going out and gonna talk like a bitch from Weltervreden Park all night.” It happens involuntarily, and next thing you know, E's little brother is introducing me as his mate from Roodepoort.

And there's not a thing I can do about it. When C and I went through our chav phase – which still pops up every now and then - we nearly got kicked out of the Colony this one time.

My folks tended to lose their sense of yuma after I told them I was planning to sell mirrors on the sard of the harway for extra sheckles, over lunch yesterday.

Still. One can get so caught up in one's new elter ego, one can walk into the Shell Garage and bar a par (buy a pie perhaps?) and talk to the lady behind the counter – this one's name was Comfort – not even realising that I was in fact talking lark Lizette.

My next project is the ever-annoying South Beach “Oh my Gah-d, like, Oh my Gah-d” one. If my friends can stand being around me, because this one has to be the most annoying.

It's Monday. Not coping.


kyknoord said...

Amateur. I annoy people without changing my voice at all.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - oh so do I. Before you claim "amateur" :)

Vimbai said...

I am the ultimate accent slut, it's kinda embarrassing, coz people always think you're taking the piss. Especially american accents, so annoying to hear but so darn contagious!

Don't get me started on my "duty-free" accents, these i'm pretty proud of! After spending just over 24hrs in a foreign land, i sound like a native.

Bottom line, you are not alone Peas

Peas on Toast said...

Vimbai - thank God. Cos it isn't about ripping them off - well, actually sometimes it is - but sometimes I don't even know when I'm talking a certain way.

See, it's just too much fun. OK, please explain the Duty Free one. This sounds like a pearler!

Ruby said...

he he;-) don't worry peas, I think there are plenty of us out there...most of us are just still in the closet.... name is Ruby and i'm an accentaholic

Vimbai said...

The "duty-free" accent is a treasure! These are the accents people generally seem to acquire after spending a relatively short space of time in a foreign country.

The worst offenders are those who were, for example, in the States for a whole 2 weeks but come back home with a hectic accent that they conveniently can't shake for like 3mths (usually coz having the accent gives them an excuse to talk of their travels).

My duty-free accents last all of a day before i'm ridiculed by my peers and have it beaten out of me, hahahaha.

Peas on Toast said...

Ruby - yay! Another one! So what's your favourite?

I must say, the chav accent has been one of the best. Although the middle-class Ozzie accent has to be credited for a couple of giggles.

Peas on Toast said...

Vimbai - this is classic. So apt, so apt: duty free accent.
This is beautiful.

I think of some of the people I know who come back from London after a few months and are saying, "yeah" and "innit" like it's their business.

I know someone who did this for two years. It was well shameful :)

sweetass RSA said...

my fav is the indian accent, we had a spring koelie party, and it was a scream and all!

Ruby said... guys caught me out;-) My fav is the real American hecticly southerners i do it really convincing...I had fun when i was in the states;-) Love the brits easy to copy cat.

I think the girly from my hometown is the worst! she's afrikaans right, so she went to the Netherlands for 3 months, she came back for a visit and now she can't speak afrikaans anymore, only Dutch(which isn't quite the same) and you have to speak really slowly otherwise she doesn't understand you at daft

Peas on Toast said...

Sweetass - it's king! KING. I'm not good at it though - some people can just spill it out like bunny chow, but mine's not up to scratch. Need to put some practice in :)

Ruby - no way - and she's Afrikaans? Methinks she's been spending too much time at Schipol airport :)

A southern American accent is tops. Also cos you...can...tark...real...slow...:)

High in Dubai said...

Peas, HIGHlarious!

Ah still remember when you had an Essex accent at the Polo! Too much!

Peas on Toast said...

High! My little Dubai :)

I know, can you believe I even managed to come right at the Polo with that accent. Quite extraordinary, really. Big shout out to your best girl mate in DBX - was a hoot to meet her! xx

Becks said...

Whaaaaaa-hahahaha. Duty-free accents! I love it! There are also Bid TV (Shopping TV) accents! I had a friend (since broken up but not because of the accent I promise) in the UK who has never been to the US but thanks to black comedies on Trouble TV, she had the most weird African-american-cum shona (zimbabwean)combo accent. She'de hit you with some hardcore american twang but inevitably slip up and stun you with things like stowp eet (stop it) or veeveeka forks (vivica fox). I'm not one to knock people's accents, after all english is my second language but whenever she proudly went on about how authentically american she sounded I felt this girl was just placing a large ass knocker in my hand and sticking her head infront of me and begging to be knocked!! I'm happy to oblige coz I'm ganasta like that (said with my own duty-free american accent)!

Peas on Toast said...

Becks - classic! I cringe when I hear that, not gonna lie. I wonder when you give them 14 Jaegermeisters what affect that has on the Duty Free Accent.

Fucking love this term. Love it :)

SheBee said...

oh shnap man, i loike to tolk loike a Maritjie from Malmsebury too, haaaay!

Eshpeshially wiff my noice high peetched voice and curlers inside moi hairs.

Vimbai said...

Becks, you are killing me here! I can't stop laughing people are NOTORIOUS for their duty-free, got-it-from-the-latest-American-soapie accent. I even know the one you are talking about.

The worst is when someone who is forcing an accent inadvertently slips up, zimbos call that a "chope" (pronounced "choh-p" a play on the word "chop" coz the person would have chopped the word, ie said it very, very inaccurately). Eish, private school snobbery was rife back in my day!

SheBee said...

oh and how fontasteec are vees shout boxes?!

Did you get it from my pozzie?

SheBee said...

lol @ Becks.

Peas on Toast said...

SheBee- there's nothing I love more than when someone says "hairs". Or "tweezer". Or like the classic "pant."

God it's amusing.

Vimbai - a chope? WAHAHAHAHA. I'm going to make sure I use that from now on and see if anyone notices.

Anonymous said...

Alter ego peasy

SheBee said...

dude. i heff spammed your shout box.


Peas on Toast said...

Anon - haha , you sure? When I think "alter" I think the thing that priests stand behind. :)

SheeBee - thanks doll x

Mel said...

My fiance and his sister have the most interesting mix of accents - their very Afrikaans father married an Irish American lady, so when they speak English, there's a Afrikaans accent with a "glaas" and "graas" and "caan't" thrown in every now and then. Conversations in that family are so weird...

Peas on Toast said...

Mel - Amerikaans! Now that's not something you hear everyday! :)

Mel said...

That is such a perfect name for it - wish I'd thought of it! ;-)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

I am a fan of your blog! My mates and I do the whole: "Oh my gahd!! Well I nevah!" and yes, you do get a few strange eyeballs! Fun though, like, so cool! :-) ha ha!

Peas on Toast said...

Blogshell - thanks mate! Ooh I can't wait to do the South Beach one - you're lucky your mates have jumped onto the bandwagon, I'm certain mine are going to tun away :)

Leila Starfish Pan said...

doing a commentary in the Crocodile Hunter (RIP(that was to be PC)) way of doing things can be very bloody fun too. normal every day things suddenly become...well...yes. its fun :P

and ...what about the Kaapies? get that one right and half the people you talk wont understand a word(?) you are uttering.


PS. big fan of yours. Besides Rory blythe, you are my fave blogger. you both go me onto it in fact :)