Wednesday, December 19, 2007

deine end das 2007

Well, for some, the end of another year. I'm not going on leave, but I do need a break. Which means Peas On Toast is closing shop for the your holidays.*

Another crazy-as-fuck year, which I could write down in detail and bore the bejesus out of you, but consider it your lucky day, jo. I will only impart five of the most significant 2007 things. They were heavy:

1) Two relationships.The first ending in March (sidenote: A relatively untraumatic, friends-at-the end, friends-before-hooking-up, break up.) And the other relationship currently going on 6 months. Am still ever-enlightened by, am loving and am fascinated with my Boeing 747.

2) Three full-time jobs: This was the shakiest, yet boldest-career-move-year of my life, ever. Ended my job at the food magazine, and started a business: Wibble. The business is now part-time as I have become editor of two online urban magazines.

3)A lot of people suddenly got engaged this year. One domino dropped (Could've been my longterm ex come to think of it), but many couples got that wedding feeling this year. Times are a-changing.

4)I rode the Argus. My gears broke on Smitswinkel, not even halfway and I managed to finish it in 4 hours 40 minutes by some miracle of God.

5) Speaking of God, this year I [involuntarily] became agnostic. I didn't wake up and go, “Hey, I think I'll be agnostic today,” it happened slowly but very surely as the months rolled on. My Catholic grandmother isn't over the moon, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. There were a number of reasons towards this sentiment, but in a nutshell, I just became dramatically scientific and severe in my approach towards religion. Although briefly dabbling in atheism, I'm really agnostic. I believe in paranormal activity, see.

Right, enough of that nostalgic been-done-before-it's-the-end-of-the-year shite. Here is my Collective 2007 Memorabilia SCrapbook:

My 2007 shoes (Forget frilly thing adjacent was just for show):

My favourite birthday card (from Klo):

My favourite 2007 feel-good comedy: (Catherine Tate)

My favourite accessory: (My fake engagement ring from Big T – moonstone set in solid silver)

My 2007 cannot-live-without: (My MacBook)

My favourite 2007 holiday read: (From 747, and read cover to cover in the Indian Ocean eaves of the a million years ago)

My favourite birthday presents: (This phenomenal perspex desk chair from Ant. Although the Kath & Kim series from Doc and my camera from Mum are both seriously worthy of honourable mention)

My favourite 2007 foodstuff: (Smoked salmon, yadda yadda yadda. But if I'm gonna be honest - I eat more Marmite than the collective noun's worth of the most collective noun's in the world of Marmite eaters. Bovril eaters: Suck on my non-existent balls)

My most itchy underwear of 2007: (Cue public art gallery scratching in front of security camera)

My favourite 2007 Christmas story:
There's this bird called Mary, yeah?
She's a virgin (wossat then?)
She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?
He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.
One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like 'Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.'
Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah?'
I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'
So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.
She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed.
Fink of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'
Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.
But there ain't no room at the inn, innit?
So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only its filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads.
They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End .
Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?'
It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.
He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.'
Joe goes 'You must be monged it you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'
Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'
So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.
Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

Happy New Year and festive (or just agnostic?) seasons to all yer mingers. All hail ye 2008.

* Unless I win the lottery or something, and then I'd just have to tell you.


kyknoord said...

Have a good one. Try not to break anything, okay?

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Kykey, and you too - or at least try to nurture your broken heart. :(

I'll still be online, etc - working like a commy bastard in a factory - so we'll definitely chat. :)

SheBee said...

Ah for fack sakes, not you too!

Flipping hell. I'm really going into panic mode, all my reads need a break. Whats up with that anyway?!

But fine, wha-eva minger. Take your break and all that kak. I'll miss your stories.

Speaking of, have credited you so not technically stealing, but I copied your story into my blog. I hope thats ok?

SheBee said...

shit now i have to make another comment so i can tick the box thingy to get emails on your replies.


Peas on Toast said...

SheBee - it's hilarious innit? I saw it and after significantly wetting my doondies, thought it worthy of some blog space - so for sure, glad you spread the word too!

Yeah so giving my blog a wee holiday, but in the meantime, will still be fannying about in the old office. (sigh...)

Anonymous said...

agnosia |agˈnō zh (ē)ə|

noun Medicine

inability to interpret sensations and hence to recognize things, typically as a result of brain damage.


Peas on Toast said...

Anon - hahahahahahahah!

That's a better, and more accurate description. Perhaps more apt as well.


DaveRich said...

Have a good one babe! I will also still be slogging through December although I have managed to get out of the Melville riots for New Years. Merry Xmas and I hope Santa brings you lots've bling and woteva else your lil heart desires!

Peas on Toast said...

DaveRich - and to you too m'dear! Have a fabulous one, and good thing you're getting out of Melville for the NY's riots, have a fabulous one! x

Anonymous said...

Hi Peas,

as a regular reader of your great blog, and as a dangerous, fundamentalist Christian, I will not wish you Merry Christmas but the more suitable "Shine On".

I was so enamoured by your post on trust that I gave it a Special Guest Blog mention on my blog here:

I really look forward to reading your posts next year.

(I'm not anonymous by the way, you can find my blog over here:

Peas on Toast said...

Tuberider - Hi! I've definitely been to our blog before, but didn't see that you enjoyed my trust post, so thanks so much!

Happy Christmas in all senses of the word - and love "the shine on" - definitely going to be using that one more often. :)

ATW said...

a good season to you too as you shut up shop. Commie bastarding in the background or not.

At this time of year I prefer a stronger Commie Bastard (3 tots russian spud spirit + 3 tots sparletta red sparberry + ice). I think you drink something similar but in good kzn tradition you probably name it after a tractor.

Peas on Toast said...

ATW - Happy happy to you my dear. And yes, it's the mighty John Deere you're thinking of (half a bottle of cane + half a bottle of cream soda...) Commie Bastard sounds nice though. Like right now nice.

Revolving Credit said...

Ummm....if going to be at work in any case, with the office half empty as it usually is at this time of year, you may as well spend time blogging else you may die of boredom or festive working frustration.

But if you really don't post till next year, have a fantabulous Xmas and Snooze Year and I'll catch ya on the flip side.

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - I'm gonna miss you too boychie :)

I could spend hours blogging, this I know, but I'll save all the slightly kiff stuff for next year. Have a fabulous one, and hope the office isn't too taxing your side. And also thanks for making this blog most entertaining, without you it just wouldn't be the same innit? xx

Revolving Credit said...

Well, I've hopefully just given my last presentation for the year and am about to attend what should be my lasts serious meeting for 2007.

I'll just loaf around a bit unitl the end of the week.

Yip, it's been another interesting year.

I'll probably still end up stalking the blogsphere a bit, so who knows, I may actually even decide to write a post, like with reall words and all as opposed to my usually picture posts.

If you're bored, go check my recent Lego post.

OK, off to my 5 o'clock meeting.

You have fun and trying wearing in your itchy undies these holidays.

At least if the office is empty, you can scratch at will...haha

zuzula said...

wishing you festive cheer a-plenty my friend - bring on 2008 x

pettifogger said...

ROTFLMAO! I am definitely going to forward the Chav Xmas Carol to my friends in the UK (and ZA!) Have a good one Peas - found your blog via Kyk's this year and look forward to more in 2008 :-) PP

Lauren said...

Peas, thanks for giving me something to look forward to reading when I get to work in the mornings! Have a well deserved break - I'll miss my morning laugh, but will definitely be looking forward to hearing more from you in the New Year. :-)

Anonymous said...

You have great thighs.

Large Marge said...

Peas - What's Marmite? Sorry, I don't think we have that over here ;-) Happy Holi-Daze!!

Jam said...

Happy happy gorgeous Peas.

Anonymous said...

B - O - V - R - I - L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bovril's made with real beef, marmite's made of vegetable extracts! yuk

uNCLE e said...

Just stumbled across your site, via Thom G's site. Excellent! Nice job!

Antoine said...

Have a great 2008 Peas. Thanks for entertaining me in 2007 :)