I have a problem. It happened after Ex S' parents. I just don't know what to call boyfriend's parentals. Ex S' parentals were first names, there wasn't even a thought into the matter, I'd known them for 6 odd years. But now, it's all gone pear.
For instance, I ended up calling Dick's parents “hey chaps!” for the duration of our relationship. I am stuck. I consulted C for advice:
Peas: So, what do I call 747's folks?
C: What did you call them last time?
Peas: Can't remember. But I'm certain I said “Thanks guys!” at the end of dinner last time. And during the dinner, and even at the start, come to think of it.
C: Oh hilarious.
Peas: I know their first names, but they're more like nick names, and I don't know them that well yet.
C: So “Bob” and “Wendy” is out of the question.
Peas: Yes. Shit.
C: How about “Hello Mrs 747?” Have you tried that?
Peas: I don't know if I have the guts. I haven't done that since...like, school.
C: Are they the Mrs and Mr type?
Peas: Hell, I don't know?
C: OK, well don't do this: I met a friend's parents who are called Gary and Mary. I called them that until we all got hammered one night. Then I started calling them Gazza and Mazza. Out of the blue.
Peas: Shut up. I just spilt coffee all over my keyboard.
C: Now I've gone one step back, no in fact, I've over-corrected. Now I call them Mr and Mrs and not even Mary and Gary anymore. And they haven't corrected me.
Peas: OK I'm going to go with 'Mr and Mrs' 747.
C: It's the safe, polite option.
Peas: Yes. It's just...I have to actually say that and not “Hi...guys.”
C: How hard can it be?
Peas: Very hard.
C: It's normal actually.
Peas: ....Wait! What if they're standing next to each other? Saying “hello Mr 747” is fine, but if they're together then it's going to be like “Hello Mr 747...oh and hello Mrs 747.” I'm starting to foam at the mouth.
I consulted my mum. (Who hates being called Mrs Peas, and always opts for first names straight away.)
Peas: Mum, what do I call 747's folks?
Mum: What did you call them the last time?
Peas: Can't remember.
Mum: That's terrible Peas. I bought you up to be a lady.
Peas: [whining] I am a lady!
Mum: Call them Mr and Mrs.
Peas: C once called a set of parents Gazza and Mazza.
Mum: There is such a thing as too informal, Peas. So, I wouldn't by any means, copy C's idea.
Peas: OK. I'll call them Mr and Mrs.
Mum: Like you have another option?
So I did. I called them Mr and Mrs. Once in the beginning of the evening, and once at the end of the evening. Not certain what I called them in between. Chaps? Okes? Chinas? It's anyone's guess. God I'm proud of myself.
Particularly enjoyed family stories of when 747 was juvenile and bakgat. Like when he'd taken the front bumper off his dad's car in Kenton.
PS: Last night I went to a company Xmas party with my boss, and he forced me to down three tequilas in three minutes. To say I was stewed is misguided. Christmas Parties aren't for wussies.