Wednesday, December 05, 2007

this is how it's done

In order to survive not having me bite your head off at the moment, please refrain from:

1) Telling me about your holiday plans. Yes, we know you're going to be sipping a tropical beverage from a coconut in a week's time. I know you're going down to Plett and the likes with the rest of Joburg, to sit on the fucking beach and go to fucking Cornuti's and swim in the fucking shark-infested ocean. Woooooohooooo.

Or likewise, you're hitting Cape Town for some festive overcrowded flair. Great. And I am jealous, sure. Although I did turn down Cape Town in favour for Jozi this festive season, have you know. I'm not going on holiday; I'm working right through this bitch. I am to spend my first Christmas and New Year's in....the Witwatersrand. And I don't know how I am going to cope. Am glad all you hooligans are going to warm and wonderful places where the sand is sandy and the water is watery. Remind me again. At your peril.

2) Refrain from making me guess. This goes for my boss and all the others around me. Don't make me guess, be direct and tell me exactly what's going on, project-wise, social-wise, whatever-wise. Otherwise we both end up looking like tits.

3) When I wake up, and take my first early morning pee, it doesn't mean I actually want to have a conversation.

4) The dude who walked up to my car and looked into my non-tinted windows to see what was on the passenger's seat, in the middle of town. Yes, of course I had a fit.

But, mate, when my boss had a smash and grab last week in the same vicinity, and another mate, and another mate, I tend to get immediately suss, and act accordingly. If you weren't planning on stealing my laptop, then I apologise for looking like I was about to kill you. If you were, don't fuck with me. It's in the boot anyway. This is how it's done.

5) Mr 747 is finally getting used to my bed. As in, he can finally actually sleep in it. This spells good news. This is how it's done.

6) When you want a good gin and tonic and a plateful of lamb chops, go to the Radium Beerhall. This is how it has been done for decades.

24 comments:

High in Dubai said...

Yo, I will be joining you in Jozi this festive season - yay, not... Luckily I won't have to work.

It has to be said though, while it is definitely not coastal town frenzy, it is weird to see the city in a state of desertion. On another note Jozi last year was packed with a bunch of mates till just before xmas - weird but true.

Peas on Toast said...

Dubai - oh yay, seriously? Best we have a drink or two, mate!

Yep, the desertation is going to be interesting to see - I've never spent an Xmas up here before. Luckily, as you say, there are always a few people that have the same misfortune as I, and at least there are always some of them stuck here too. :)

kyknoord said...

I take it the numbering system isn't actually meant to be internally consistent? If it is, I think I broke my brain.

Peas on Toast said...

Consistency is the enemy, Kyk.

It kind of goes with my mindset at the moment too.
x

Pinle said...

At least you'll be in jburg, where something happens every once in a while... I'm working in Limpopo (for the GOVERNMENT)over Chrismtmas!! Not only is there not 1 soul left as everyone went to some cheap Kwazulu-natal holiday spot, but it's also hotter than HELL!!

Good luck!

p.s. LOOOVE the Radium Beerhall!!

Ruby said...

but peasy pants....you've been away plenty this year??
you are allowed to complain loudly about having to work tho....thats just not fair!!!!!

Revolving Credit said...

Hey Peas, you awake, guess which seadside city I'll be spending my holiday in?

Peas on Toast said...

pinle - oh man. GOOD LUCK. Government and Limpopo? Any chance they'll throw in a Christmas party of sorts there?
And yes, the Radium is a good place :)

Ruby - yip, been away plenty, so for that I am grateful, definitely. The work though...yeeesh, not excited about that!

Rev - Sodwana?
Kidding. Oooh Cape Town - you must be so happy! :)

FiOnion said...

I confess...
I have never taken a holiday in Plett.
I have never taken a holiday over Christmas (visits to coastal in-laws do not count because that's one of the circles of Hell anyway).

Joburg is weird in December. The few who are left all seem to rush off to the malls, giving the impression that no one left town as they fight for the last specials left on the shelves.

Jam said...

I will be back before Christmas and will therefore be around for the most of the festive season!
And right now, coffee is in order.

Peas on Toast said...

fionion - serious? No time over December, not even to venture through to all the other places people go to?

Well my dear, I must say - the only people I'm really jealous of are those going to the Transkei for Christmas/New Year. Now that's where I want to be :(

Jam - indeed! And when you're back, you better make contact!

pinle said...

I'm sure a beast of some sort wil be slaughtered to feed the hordes...
Oh heavens! I NEED to get away from this place!!

Peas on Toast said...

pinle - oh heavens indeed! I'm guessing it won't be salads, just good old slaughtered meat.
:)

Betenoir said...

I'm working the whole of December. Which sucks. a great deal. I'm there to "guard the office", basically.

kyknoord said...

betenoir: Me too! We can be "resentment-buddies" or some such.

Peas on Toast said...

Me three. Please can I be resentment buddies with the cool people too?

;)

FiOnion said...

Peas, I can't think of anything more tortuous than holidaying in December. OK, so I only get one week off anyway, but ja... :)
We usually find picnic spots to lurk at on random days instead.

Peas on Toast said...

fionion - ...and that's exactly what I should do. Take my blankey and wine out to Harties for the day. :)

Ha ha. Or at the very least, Emmarentia Dam.

Enjoy your week off babe!

SheBee said...

I find myself guilty of not reading comments, so if i'm repeating - sorry for you.

this is revenge for seyshells you biatch! deal with it! hahaha.

Also, yay for 747 - its about bloody time.

mwah!

much love to you!

Peas on Toast said...

Sheebs - yeah yeah yeah...:)
Seychelles Shmeychelles. Kidding, I know I know. (sigh).

Yes he has finally accepted the fate that my bed isn't as uncomfortable as he originally made out. :)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Well now...about my fantastically fabulous fun fun F-U-N holiday....NOT!! I'M ALSO WORKING, SWEETPEA! GAWD DAMMIT!! SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT!!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

blogshell - oh yippppeeee! Misery loves company, so we'll add you as another resentment-buddy for the cool club :)
x

Jennifer said...

The coast is overrated. I am coming all the way from bonnie Scotland to Jozi and I couldn't be more excited.

Insane Insomniac said...

My gripe about the holidays - you will have the sunshine and watermelon.
It's not going to snow until at least February (or I get laid). So I get a cold, and wet holiday with nothing more than a good supply of Quality Street festive tins, Seasons 1-4 of the Family Guy and enough mulled wine to float the QE2.