Wednesday, January 16, 2008

panic, and where's my wine?

Last night, out of all the nights I've been diligently ensconced in sobriety, I really could've done with a drink.

Like. Really.

I panicked last night. I panic a lot ok, I panic pretty easily. Aunty Peas hates being a loose cannon – going from deliriously happy to suddenly overwhelmingly angry from one minute to the next – but que sera, it fucken happens. It's panic stations over at Aunty Peas HQ – and there's really not a thing I can do about it. Sure, I could meditate (if my mind would stop thinking for just five and a half seconds), but the problem is panic sets in when there is no immediate solution to a problem.

The panic was about a project I am doing at the moment. A big one. One that until it is done, only then I can die. Sort of thing.

Yesterday was a big day. I had to present a content strategy manifesto to a team of Big Guns in a boardroom. A presentation that I have been working on for two weeks. I got through it, but was rather exhausted after it was over. All I wanted to do was have a glass of chilled white Fat Bastard in the garden outside.

A chilled glass of Fat Bastard out in the garden with the roses, after a long, hard day.
Christ. Just how many destressing bath crystals can one person gooi into a bath? (They work, but not as well as wine.) Then there was a frigging load shedding in the middle of my bath time – the one thing I actually live for these days – hurling my [haunted, mind you] flat into complete darkness.

I was alone in a haunted flat, in the darkness, panicking about a huge project. And the Boogie Man.

Depressed and anxiety-riddled. Just as my eczema was starting to move the fuck off my face.

So yes. Yesterday I really. Really. Could've done with a glass of wine. Or maybe winning the lottery or something.
Or something.


Anonymous said...

Oh dear, it sounds like someone needs a hug. By the way, if you're referring to that carrot juice from Woolies, then I agree: it does taste like shit.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - thanks Kyk, please send me a cyber hug. It's almost as good as the real thing, but without the good bits.

Oh wait. That's Sobriety Club.

ClayOne said...

I can send you a cyber glass of wine if you want :-)

Peas on Toast said...

ClayOne - I'm trying to think...would that be cheating?
(Oh my tastes so good when it hits my lips....)

Jam said...

And check out fb for a virtual glass of vino.
Trust me, you'll feel worse if you have the real thing.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - oh for certain. I'm feeling healthier and more chipper than usual, without the poison. So yeah, although it would be reeeeely nice to have a glass, I'm still adamant I won't. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Why not just break out the whacker when you feel like a drink?

At least it will help reduce the alcohol withdrawal stress.

Also, seeing as it's battery operated, it's the perfect companion when load shedding plunges your flat into darkness.

(Don't you just love the use of the word 'plunges' at this juncture)

Now, if only it was luminous, you could use it to guide yourself around in the darkness.

boldly benny said...

Shame Peas, I feel your pain I'm also off the Jesus Juice and FUCK I needed a glass yesterday!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Yip, already did babe! :)
One step ahead of ya!

It also helps create that certain...white noise...when all else, even the fridge, isn't working. ;)

Boldly - Oh man, you too? Misery loves company, so it's bloody awesome Sobriety Club spreads far and wide, I'll tell you that much. Jesus Juice- giggle giggle :)

Nessers said...

Having just bought 30 bottles of wine from a wine farm in the Cape I won't be joining your club tho it does sound like so much fun hehe.

Well done on sticking to your guns tho. I can't give up my wine as it's the only thing that keeps my kids alive some days *wg* and no Kyk I don't let them drink it it's for me on really bad days - usually once a week

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - fair enough! Although the imagery of 30 bottles of God's sweet, sweet nectar chilling in your fridge makes me want to hurl...out of pity for myself :)

Nah, but it's all good. I really am feeling better for it. And my eczema is starting to clear too.

How's that for bar rash (that never disappears), hey?

Revolving Credit said...

Seeing as the stress and anxiety extends well into working hours, are you generating any white noise at the office??

Blaming it on your cellphone are you?

Peas on Toast said...

No boet. Unfortunately not. "Workspace", "Libido" and "Office Nazi Bitch" just don't make a sexy equation, knowwhadimean?

Revolving Credit said...

Are you the Office Nazi Bitch??

It sounds kinda lesbian.......hummm...hummm....hummm...hummm....hummm...

forty said...

Have a drink. If you feel like it, do it. F*ck it!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Hitler was a lesbian?

forty - No. No "fuck it". I'll feel worse, trust me.

Revolving Credit said...

Have you contemplated drinking blood??

Go a bit vampire! Maybe bite 747 in his sleep.

Champagne Heathen said...

If there is anything to be grateful for in this painful tortureous situation, you at least have so far been spared something like a brother who taunts you over dinner by popping open a bottle of damn good white wine & commenting on its "nose of crisp apples", the beautiful clear colour, & the many many flavours the taste exudes when sipping on its chilled artful self.

Before asking you how detox & studying are going.

ARGHRGRHGRHRHRGH. Boys make for cruel cruel siblings.

Revolving Credit said...

No, I think Hitler was a vegetarian.

But then again, lesbian or vegetarian...much of a muchness isn't it...kinda the same aren't they.

They both like a good cucumber!

Is that white noise I hear in the background or are you just humming??

Peas on Toast said...

Champers - oooh, that's nasty - I reckon a fly swat to the head should do the trick :)
My mates have been surprisingly understanding, considering they booze as much as I used to. C just went and booked a smoking table for us at Soi, and I was the only smoker. As she knew I'd go FLIPPEN MENTAL if I couldn't drink and smoke. Also having 747 do this with me has been a godsend.

Rev - that humming you hearing must be this jackhammer outside my window. It's that loud, yes, so the white noise is it's echo you can hear all the way down there in Cape Town.

Revolving Credit said...'ve migrated from whacker to jackhammer.

I obviously didn't realise exactly how tense you are.

R U having construction sexy time??

Peas on Toast said...

Oh crisis. That's quite an image there Revsicle. Thanks! :)

Revolving Credit said...

So when they load shed your jackhammer, does it just add to the tension?

PS. Always light candles while you bath so that load shedding will just add to the ambience.
Also, why not rename your whacker Fat Bastard. That way, after a stress filled day, you can head home looking forward to a relaxing bath and a generous helping of Fat Bastard.

Champagne Heathen said...

Alternative to Rev's renaming of the Wacker - you could always keeping feeding 747 up on sweets, tell him to be as grumpy as he wants during the sobreity 2 months, and then rename HIM "Fat Bastard"!

I'm leaving now before Rev's train of thought of today completely takes over my mind.

Peas on Toast said...

It's official. Rev is back, on track, and being whack. :)

Oh God, don't reciprocate to that please. :)

Champers - ha ha ha, if anything he's losing weight. Even with the sweets! :)

Ordinarylife said...

You should create a sidebar widget thing for the Sobriety Club. You know for sympathy or support or something.

Sounds like you have a few members already.

Peas on Toast said...

Ordinary - yeah, it's amazing, but I've noticed that there are a lot of people around going high and dry, and investing in mocktail culture. Whether this extends into February, hmmm, but I thought about making a widget...except that sobriety club isn't all THAT and a bag of chips.
But it's a little bit of that :)

ClayOne said...

Im trying to do no alcohol and no junk food , do you know how much of a trip this is?

Heroin withdrawals cant even be this bad.

Peas on Toast said...

ClayOne - oh shizen, that's heavy dude. Shame, that muct be the biggets jol ever. :( Good luck - is this just for January?

ClayOne said...

Actually for as long as it takes to undo most of the damage done since last year peas.

Found myself with a lot more free time and took it to the bridge now i got some repairs to do.

Im sure the odd mcd cheeseburger wont kill me though.

Revolving Credit said...

Please indicate why all of you are on the wagon:

a)Choice of healthier lifestyle
b)Still recovering from New Year's hangover
c)Cash strapped post festive season
d)Sudden religious fervour
e)The voices in your head told you to

ClayOne said...

I select

A C and E

Revolving Credit said...

PS. If you're not in the mood for wine, maybe a cock tail, you can always rename your whacker, the 'Alabama Slammer'.

Champagne Heathen said...

f) if I attended all this summer's social events with the ability to drink, I'd never study for exams, so being forced into another year of random part-time study;
g) I look hotter when I am thinner & more detoxed from the oh-so-so-so incredible taste of good wine, cider, tequila, GnTs etc....

Peas on Toast said...

ClayOne - well done dude, and good luck!

Right Rev: My answers to you multiple choice questionnaire are as follows:

A, B (sort of...or just the repercussions of it), E.
But also
F) To test whether I am in fact an alcoholic
G) I don't like the person I have become when I'm drunk - I'm that kid
H) To sort the shit in my head out before I embark on drinking again.

On H), a lot more about that later. I'll be boring you to death with all the details, once I start seeing the shrink.
Oh yes.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh and I): To actually see what it's like. When was the last time I hit a party and didn't guzzle tequila? What was I, like, 12?

(OK, maybe more like 15. But you get what I mean.)

Revolving Credit said...

Office just got load shed so we're gonna have to drink the beers and eat the ice cream in the office fridge before it defrosts totally.

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah that would be the right, responsible thing to do. Wouldn't want it to mess all over the floor and potentially cause a fatal slippage. You're a man of honour Rev, for stepping up and taking control. :)

Load shedding is such a bastard. It's been on and off in this office all fucking day. Along with the rest of the country. Grr.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Just think... AA could always have you as a guest speaker after all is said and done! LOL ;-)

Oh and seriously...if I thought my suddenly-dark-flat was haunted (still haven't got that little youtube video you posted last year, out of my um...ja..thanks for that!) I would have had a case of wine! Well bloody done!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Blogshell! :)