Thursday, January 17, 2008

husbank or husburden?

Husbank: Has a CA.
Husburden: Has a BA.

Husbank: Will marry a trophy wife, beset with big tits and a fertile uterus to create millions of little heirs.
Husburden: Is the endless bachelor, fancies himself a bit of a Hef, probably dates five women at once, only married you because he was drunk and you were both in Vegas.

Husbank: Hangs out in the Upper Class Lounge at airports, the Saxon, the Westcliff Polo Lounge, the office.
Husburden: Hangs out at places where he can smoke a bifta without being arrested. Husburden: ridiculously good looking. Women crawl all over him like a bad rash.
Husbank: ridiculously rich. Women crawl all over him like a bad rash after they see his platinum card.

Husbank: Will turn his [trophy] spouse into a human incubating baby-making machine.
Husburden: Kids? Excuse me while my balls retract back into my urethra.

Husbank: Entitles the wife to a monthly salary that allows her to shop at Jimmy Choo, get a regular facelift, botox, a personal trainer.
Husburden: You're the breadwinner, so you'll entitle him to a salary that funds his pot habit.

Husbank: Wears suits all day long, and when trying to seduce you, will be naked barring his socks.
Husburden: Knows an awful lot of tai-chi. And administers a pounding in the sack so tactile, you can't walk for days. Husbank: Breadwinner.
Husburden: Breadloser. (No really. He leaves the bread on the bus, along with the rest of the groceries.)

Husbank: Old money.
Husburden: New money.

Husbank: Holidays in Baja. On his own yacht.
Husburden: Hitch hikes through the Transkei. When he's 63.

Husbank: Catches you fucking the pool boy and takes you to the cleaners. Thereafter changes the plates on his 5-series BMW to 'ALIMONY GP'.
Husburden: So you fucked the pool boy. Whatever.

143 comments:

Nessers said...

hehehe Brilliant!!!

kyknoord said...

Don't get all coy on us now. Why haven't you classified all of your men into one or the other category?

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - ta, I try :)

Kyk - all of MY men? How many do I have Kykie? ;)

None of them (past and present) fit the box completely. They're in-betweeners. Aren't I a lucky bitch?
;)

Revolving Credit said...

How about a Husbone??

Peas on Toast said...

Well sure, Revvie. Give us his criteria! (Besides the obvious, which sounds like the wife would be his sex slave, amongst other things)

Revolving Credit said...

Husbone: Has a Code 14 / EC Drivers license.

Husbone: Has multiple wives/ girlfriends along trucking/ biker route.

Husbone: Hangs out at Engen truckstop / Shell Ultracity / Ronnies Sex Shop.

Husbone: Ridiculously large paunch. Hookers crawl all over him like a bad rash after they see his tattoos.

Husbone: Is an indiscriminate sperm donor when drunk women are about. All other times his hand is firmly nestled in his pants scratching/ keeping his nuts warm.

Husbone: Will provide copious amounts of free cheap alcohol to wives / girlsfriends or any available women in the hoe of getting his bone on.

Husbone: Wears leathers and/or overalls all day long. Wears boots to bed. Seduction not necessary as woman is passed out in drunken stupor.

Husbone: Counterfeit money.

Husbone: Holidays at annual biker rally/ mass orgy in Beaufort West.

Husbone: Reminisces about his youth when working as a pool boy.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my God. That is PRICELESS.

I wanna get me one of those! Especially liked: Seduction not necessary as woman is passed out in drunken stupor. and has a Code 14 driver's license.

Dude. That's just made my day.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

How bout husbend?

Husbend: married you for your good taste in shoes and frocks.

Husbend: borrows all your handbags and finishes your nailpolish.

Husbend: knows all the dialogue to 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert'

Husbend: can kick your ass in a karaoke competition singing 'It's Raining Men'

Husbend: caught you fucking the pool boy. so what? i fucked him too.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my aching bladder sack. THAT IS PHENOMENAL!

Husbend: caught you fucking the pool boy. so what? i fucked him too.

Classic.

I hereby announce an official HUS-OFF.

You two got any more?

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

can we elaborate on the existing categories or do we have to think up new ones?

Jam said...

Husbore

Husbore: Sex, what's that?
Husbore: Permanently hidden behind heavy spectacles in his study behind a newspaper
Husbore: Drones on endlessly to strangers at parties

Peas on Toast said...

Babe, feel free to do whatever you like - this is classic. In the meantime, here are mine:

Husbonk: The man who had a sex addiction problem.

Husbail: One second you're married; then you not.

Husbond: He's a property tycoon, or at least pretends he is, but meanwhile back at the kraal he has mortgages coming out of his backside.

Husbore: You married him because he has a large nomthondo.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - ha ha! Sex, what's that? Despite the hugeness of his mighty member, he still doesn't know how to use it. :)

Jam said...

Husbin: Takes all your crap

Peas on Toast said...

Husbot: does everything you say.

Husbeen: He was hot in 1976.

Husbabe: Is hot in 2008

Husbait: His mate was hotter than him, but you were happy to take second best.

Husbat: He divorces you because he has other fish to fry.

Husbrain: Is a clever dude and has a doctorate in meta-physics.

Husban: You don't do husbands. Period.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

Husbend: calls himself Brianna. HIs real name is Brian.

Husbend: got thrown out of Teazers for jumping on stage, attempting a sexy striptease and trying to show everyone his 'poenie'.

Husbend: tucks his getoendes between his legs and calls it is 'manny' or 'poenie'.

Husbend: bought you a strapon for your birthday and tells you to 'be all the man you can be'.

Husbend: tries to flirt his way out of traffic fines, then wonders why the big dutchman traffic cop moered him and called him a 'bladdy poef'.

Husbend: actually knows the right answer to 'do these pants make my bum look big?'

some more...
husbling: likes to wear your jewelry and accessories.

husblanket: cried at the end of 'Jock and the Bushveld'

husblanket: wants to talk about 'his feelings.

husbroody: wants to have many children. Idolises the Brady Bunch.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

peas: i like husban. you dont do husbands. period.

Revolving Credit said...

Husblog: You met him online, spilled your life story and troubles to him only to discover he's your neighbours 7 years old son.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

hahaha rev...that's hilARRious....

Revolving Credit said...

Husblunt: Has no lead in his pencil.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

Husblunt: the song' Because I Got High' is the soundtrack to his life.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my God. I am in hysterics!
Laughing my non-existent scrotum off!

Thrills - the references to the mangina are just too precious!

Rev - the husblog, dude, I just spilt my coffee all over the keyboard.
As for husblunt, holy moly that's SUPERB!

Husbrat: Hates being a mommy's boy

Husbanchee: Squeals during love making.

Peas on Toast said...

Husblunt: Because he saw his future wife on a train and thought she was beautiful but never got her fucking number!

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbrother: you're from the Deep South and you married your brother. Who also happens to be your uncle.

Jam said...

Husbit: Under aged oops

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - Similarly, Husbankie: the song' Because I Got High' is the soundtrack to his life.

What a productive morning this has been! :)

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

Husblink: is a bit of a two-minute noodle. Blink and you miss it. The best 14 seconds of your life, apparently.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbreakfast: asks you the morning after you first hooked up if you like your eggs scrambled or fertilised.

Revolving Credit said...

Husbanned: Ex political exile. Has std 8 and senior goverment post. You are one of many wives and has a herd of children. Likes to shower after sex ( just to be safe..you know!)

Peas on Toast said...

HA HA, this is why I LOVE blogging!

Husbang: doesn't believe in foreplay, but rather a 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' kinda guy. A bit like the "husblink".

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

peas: i am a stay at home mommy now. i have nothing to do. the kid has passed out....

so productive can kiss my ass.

it's lunch time and i'm still in my dresing gown. hurrah.

Peas on Toast said...

Jesus, I can't cope.

Guys, this is too funny! Husbanned?

Husbinned. You divorced him first.

Revolving Credit said...

Husburn: Apparently gets around - gave you fire crotch!

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - I am jealous, no really. I have heaps of editing to do and I can't be bovvered, not with the hus-off going on before my eyes!

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbanner: likes to blow his own horn.

Peas on Toast said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Husbar: the "regular" at the local watering hole. Where he is every night after golf.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbeef: all brawn. no brains.

Jam said...

husblown: very satisfied

Jam said...

husbush: has the vocab of a 5 year old

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husblock: really knows how to fill a toilet. also can be described as 'full of shit'.

Revolving Credit said...

Husbard : Good Lady, he doth seek to remove thy maidenhead with a swift thrust of his rapier!

Peas on Toast said...

Husboss: You dipped your pen in the company ink, married it, nepotised it, and are now blowing it on top of the photocopier after hours.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

Husbaker: wants to put a bun in your oven

Peas on Toast said...

Husbandit: You're Bonnie and he's Clive. Crime turns you both on, and after a good heist, you always get it on.

Peas on Toast said...

Husbike: He likes it when you're on top.

Or alternatively, has done everyone in the village.

Jam said...

Husbabel: You just don't speak the same language

Jam said...

Husband: You blow him, he twiddles your buttons and you make beautiful music together.

Peas on Toast said...

Husbind: Likes being tied up every S & M Tuesday.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

Husbasil: your name is Sybil Fawlty. Your husband is one huge fuck up.

Husbring-it-on: your husband was a male cheerleader in highschool because he didn't make the football team. he was at the top of the pyramid.

Husbic: his dick really is the size of a pen. and all it takes to get him to spew his ink: one click

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbalding: he is the master of the comb over. avoids going out on windy days like the plague

Peas on Toast said...

HAHAHAHAH! Oh man, oh man oh man oh man!

Husbland: Talks about the weather a lot.

Husbrand: Works in marketing.

Huswand: Opposite to the husbic, is heroic in the package department.

Revolving Credit said...

Husbrief: Drunken one night stand who proposed while cumming!

Jam said...

I'm running out of tears to laugh with.

Revolving Credit said...

Husbronco: Lets a bit of cowgirl and has you ride him like a wild horse!

Peas on Toast said...

Husbronco, oh my crap, I'm with Jam on this one, I actually can't handle the cheek cramps!

Husbroad - has an awesome set of...shoulders.

Husbroke - Even worse off than a Husburden.

Jam said...

Husbrail: Is blind to all your faults.

Revolving Credit said...

Husbandaid: Constantly wants to examine your 'little cut' and kiss it better!

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbooger: you picked him while no one was looking now cant flick him coz everyone's looking

Jam said...

Husbraille (sp!)

Revolving Credit said...

Husbook: Only pokes you via facebook.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my itchy briefs. I'm writing this day off.

Rev - that's very unlike you dude.
HAHAHA

Jam - husbraille - you married Stevie Wonder.

Peas on Toast said...

747's input:

a husbobby - a policeman
a husbhundu - one with nature and a bit of qaps/body odour
a husbru - spends all his time on the beach - bru.
a husbilly - slightly inbred

Classic. I could do this forever!

Champagne Heathen said...

Husbus - he has an obesity problem. He is never on time. And while he is better than the Husbike, you still dream of a Husborgini.

Husbee - he is only interested in getting to your flower.

Husbeekeeper - he meanwhile is only interested in your honey, but will wear protection to get there.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbubbly: likes to fart in the bath

Peas on Toast said...

This is too much! Hahahahahahahahahah

Husburp: Like the husbubbly, except likes to taste it.

Husbrethren: Hangs out with his mates 24/7

Revolving Credit said...

Husboob: After a few drinks he acts like a real tit!

Champagne Heathen said...

Husbuppy - He has done well from SA's B.E.E. policies, drives the latest BMW, has the latest gadgets, wears designer suits & sharp-nose croc-leather shoes in white. And you 2 are often congratulated on your multiracial socialiting marriage.

Champagne Heathen said...

Husbali - has progressed from Husbru with a bit more cash and air miles.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbaloney: he's made up of all those bits that no other woman would want.

also he talks a lot of b/s.

Anonymous said...

Husbroken - he's very accident prone, tends to break limbs a lot!

Revolving Credit said...

Husbond: Has got some interesting toys which post-coitus leave you shaken, but nor stirred!

Jam said...

*weeps some more*

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

champs: husbali made me laugh so hard juice came out my nose!

Revolving Credit said...

Husbarren: Despite his best efforts has been unable to create any offspring. Best to give the gardener another try.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my GOD. Guys, MY CHEEKS HAVE GONE INTO SPASM. Attractive!

Husbunk: Makes a habit of not pitching up.

Anonymous said...

So what category of hus does Mr 747 fall into???

Peas on Toast said...

husbark - tends to dry hump trees after a few toots. Not to be confused with the husbraille/husblind.

Revolving Credit said...

husbornagain: When on the brink of release always shouts "Oh my God!!"

Champagne Heathen said...

Husbear - he ignores your hints of vouchers for back waxes & gifts of razors.

Husbare - you've stopped inviting your friends around to your place, because "in his home, he will wear (not wear) what he pleases!"

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - well, since he's not my husband, he doesn't really apply. But for the sake of cheesiness, he's a husbabe :)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, husbornagain!

And champs, the husbali also had me choking on my coffee dude.

How's this creativity eh?
;)

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbrimstone: you really did marry the Devil

Revolving Credit said...

Husbarf: While pissed, you met at the communal porcerlain chalice. Now the sight of him just makes you sick to your stomach.

Revolving Credit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbonsai: you married Wee Man

Jam said...

Husblue - is desperate to get laid

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbarbarian: you married conan

Peas on Toast said...

husblame - has remarkable shifting-the-shit skills.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbargain: he was 50% off. it was an impulse buy. you dont even need him. he doesn't even fit.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbarometer: he can measure your temperature with his meat thermometer ANY time...

Peas on Toast said...

husboy: Got married at 15, works in Bangkok's redlight district to pay the bills.

Peas on Toast said...

husbanderas: Your name is Melanie Griffith.

Revolving Credit said...

Husbobbit: Comes with detachable penis, for easy castration!

Champagne Heathen said...

Husbiscuit - he's a treat!!

Husbovvered - you're living in a council house, preggers with your third kid, you are waiting for your man to get back from the brewery so you can go to the local pub for your 16th birthday pint.

Husbulge - you married him for the sex, but realised it was really his wallet that was turning you on.

Peas on Toast said...

husboet – from whence does he hail? Anywhere near Krugersdorp.

husbra - the same as the husbend, but with a preference for over shoulder boulder holders, not so much panties.

Lau said...

Husbone-head - lives in Benoni

Peas on Toast said...

HUSBOVVERED.

Oh God, that's me, I need to go home, cos I am no longer able to work in an office.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Revolving Credit said...

Husbandit: You met when he showed you his weapon and tried to hijack your ass on the cnr William Nicole & Witkoppen!
(...I think he's moved on to selling puppies!)

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

husbean: Mr Bean is no longer a bachelor

Peas on Toast said...

Shit, it just gets better and better.
Lau - classic!

Husbovvered - his muvva works at MacDonalds.

husbrad - Angelina Jolie by day; fight club by night.

Jam said...

Husbale: Completely wrapped up in himself

Lau said...

Husbond - 007

Peas on Toast said...

husbalm - is addicted to your lipgloss/ you met in a tropical climate.

husbump - you just reversed over him.

husbranch - owns a Morkels franchise.

Peas on Toast said...

Speaking of husbanks, I just got this on email:

Subject: Letter from a desperate lady
Importance: High

This letter was sent to Kaya Fm and it was answered!

Hi guys

What am I doing wrong? Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from Sandhurst. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a quarter of a million a year is middle class in Sandton, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make R500K or more here? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who makes on average around R200k - R250k.
But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. R250 000 won't get me to Morningside Manor. I know a woman in my spinning class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Parkmore, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right?

How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

* Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants , gyms?
* What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings
* Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
* Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper North so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in bars in Rosebank. What's the story there?
* Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out?
* Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
* How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way.
Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it.
I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

[Let's withhold the name]

RESPONSE FROM A Male LISTENER:

Dear [name]

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than R500k per year. That said here's how I see it. Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal.

Here's why.

Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!
Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By
35 stick a fork in you!

So in JSE terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" which is what you're asking) so I would rather lease/rent you.

In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need a way out too. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets.
So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"as you, has been unable to find a sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are, and that the R500k hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Jam said...

Husbump????
Hehehehehehe.
I just cannot stop laughing.

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like the letter was answered by her Husdump!

Lau said...

Husblaine - likes to sit in a glass box above London, get drowned & buried alive...

Peas on Toast said...

hahaha :)

Husbleak - has the tendency to sulk a lot.

Champagne Heathen said...

Husbabwe - You're starving, you're homeless, you've become barren from misuse. And he is claiming this is all the fault of that British yobo boyfriend before him.

Jam said...

I was trying to eat lunch! Which is now all over my computer screen.
Husbabwe? Hahahaha.

Peas on Toast said...

Champers, oh my lord, brilliant!

husbanana – has a jolly good pecker

husbandwagon – jumps onto any new trend like his life depends on it

husbanal – also responds to the name “Michael Mol” and is a Top Billing presenter

husband-width – you married a geek.

husband-anna – has a lot of bad hair days

husbantam – drives a bakkie, and wears two-tone

husbannister – always takes the stairs, not the lift.

husbeirut - tendency to blow up easily, has a bad temper

ATW said...

what a superb thread!

don't you guys do any work in Jozi?

anyway time to turn the tables, gents.

HouseWife: - and its all his fault she sacfrificed her career."

FishWife : "smell, what smell?"

NavigatorWife (aka GPSWife) : "Hey Mister, get some direction in your life"

MaxedWife : needs a new credit card - this one is full.

I'm just warming up - sure you can do better.

Peas on Toast said...

ATW - it was only a matter of time! Classic dude. :)

What's that smell! ;)

Champagne Heathen said...

Vife - she is Eastern European

Thwife - she has a lisp

Sherwife - she makes & enforces the laws in this here household, ok cowboy!

Peas on Toast said...

Champers - is the Vife married to the husbloc? Or the German husbund?

Revolving Credit said...

WetWifes - Use her to clean up the wet spot!

Peas on Toast said...

...or the Swife.
Or maybe not.

Champagne Heathen said...

JakeWife - She's worked your marriage into world class championship material.

Champagne Heathen said...

HighOnWife - She lied to you about cutting back on her coke habit after the wedding.

(What study/work procrastination can do a person. Next exam period I am in, we should try to think up world peace strategies!)

Jam said...

Wifebelt - she keeps you in the style to which you've become accustomed if you're a husburden

Champagne Heathen said...

Knwife - She's sharp, cutting, and you completely adore her because she basically lives in the kitchen.

Revolving Credit said...

SwissArmyWife - Dresses in cute little red outfit, outfitted with all types of kitchen utensil and gadgets (Well suited to Husbond)

Peas on Toast said...

Wrifle - she wears the pants. Don't mess with her, she's got guns.

Revolving Credit said...

Wifeslikeaboxofchocolates: You never know what she's like until you taste her.
A minor celebrity as she was famously referred to by Forrest Gump.

Peas on Toast said...

WoveWife ("WuvWife") - is responsible for HIV marketing campaigns in the hope that people start wearing condoms.

Revolving Credit said...

WifeSaver - Large breasted goddess who spend countless hours on the beach observing the surf line.
Her most striking attribute is her positively bouyant...uumm...personality!

FiOnion said...

Twouble-And-Stwife: lies in wait behind front door at 1AM for husbeen-on-a-bender to come home

Champagne Heathen said...

LongWife - she is gonna outlive you.

Peas on Toast said...

ChooseWife - choose cheap furniture, choose a fucking lounge suite on credit...choose Trainspotting.

She's definitely not the best wife potential out there. Since she' on heroin and all.

Lau said...

Westwife - likes to sing soppy songs

Nightwife - she likes to go out on the piss

Wildwife - a bit of an animal in bed

Peas on Toast said...

HowToSaveAWife – she's obsessed with the band “the Fray."

OK I'm grasping at straws here. I'm hus' and wifed out. You guys are brilliant.
And Lau - tremendous! :)

ATW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Revolving Credit said...

Oooo...ATW, that last one was offside, even for me.

You should always look on the bright side of wife!!

Peas on Toast said...

Phewee ATW! I liked the breadwife. Does this make her the breadwinner too? Is she the femi-version of the husbank?

ATW said...

Hey rev – too much guilt kicks in.

Hence repost minus the wobbly bits


'mashini wam'Wife: sister of the Wrifle - except she brings on the machine gun.

QueuedWife : A formerly CuteWife (number 3 or is that 4) - now replaced by 'mashini wam'Wife.

Breadwife : lets you nibble on her bits - one slice at a time

BikiniWife: Buys stuff in matching pairs

BikiniWaxWife: Continually tearing a strip off her man.

BouyWife : sister of Wifesaver


Now go home everyone: I need to take my good wife out to celebrate being happily schackled for 10 years to the day!

Peas on Toast said...

Happy ten year anniWIFEary ATW! That's quite a milestone! :)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

I'm laughing so hard I think my colleagues are wondering if I'm short of having a seizure! Seriouslu...if you continue like this I may just have to ban mysef from your blog...my work mates are gonna think there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with me!!

Peas on Toast said...

Blogshell - ha ha, I hear you - I've had the same problem all day long, and am battling to breathe ;)

But thanks to everyone for their hus-something contributions. Without this HUS-OFF, it just wouldn't have been the same. Some classic Husisms (and wifeisms) in here!

Sheena Gates said...

OH MY LORD!

I have just spent one hour reading through this! Good god, Peas you have to blogroll this in your archives!

I'm going to link back to this too.

Brilliant guys, well done!

Peas on Toast said...

Sheebs - how funny are these comments hey? I spent the day cowering behind my desk, as rampant creek crampage set in and now I have cramp in my lower abdomen from laughing so much.

:)

Sheena Gates said...

Dude. I have that too.

Rev is insane.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

hey peas and all.

sorry got yanked away from the hus-off (and i now see wife-off) yesterday. stupid eskom and their facking loadshedding.

oh well, cant really complain - first time in three months we've had no power, others have it way worse.
so what's on the agenda for today?

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