Friday, May 16, 2008

balance & marshmallows

Went on a girls night last night. We went to Gin in Greenside, a new hotspot, apparently. I enjoyed it, although the beginning was awkward.

I arrived in a marshmallow dress. It's part of my, like, new look. I think marshmallow dresses are the shizzle, so, who cares if I look like a human confection. Anyway I walk in, billowing like the Mayflower, and see this dude from the back, sitting at a table with 8 beautiful females. I'm certain it's this dude J I know. So from behind, I grab him in a bear hug....pull back... and yeah it's really really really not J. Hayzoos Christ, how embarrassing. (“J! Hello! How ARE you?”)

The thing with approaching people you're 90% sure are people you know, is that you actually have to be 110% sure. You have to actually double check. Or this happens, and it's blind. Even 10 years after high school.

Darted upstairs and pretty much stayed there the whole evening. Saw all my girls and we're restarting bookclub. This is good, even if everyone has only read the week's Heat and have to recount how Courtney Love's cellulite is out of control.

Also, Klo, being a professional in this department – no really, she's qualified – is going to be my personal interior decorator. She's going to help me pimp up my new apartment in 70s retro and Bauhaus furniture (think red perspex coffee table with white Flokati rug.......oh my God, get me a vibrator.)

We'll make it look good without me having to sell my ovaries to pay it all off, she assures me. Apparently Parys has good retro antiques for a steal. It's a drive, and it's an arbitrary dorp that's the Afrikaans derivative of La Gay Paree, but whatever.

If I was a millionaire, I'd assign her to the project over three weeks. We'll have to do it over 5 months, if I save enough and don't max out my credit card.

On the credit card, I've never wanted one. I've never intended to have one. I hate them. Even if I have R15.60 to last me one week, I'll do it sans credit card. You're not in the shitter until you have debt. That's my scenario. Skint without debt is still a privilege and a lucky financial situation to be in, frankly. At least that's how I think. I don't even have any 'accounts', like Truworths, garage or Woolworths accounts. Debt or die.

Until this month. I actually have to get a credit card, for overseas and et cetera reasons. I'm shitting.

Anyway, anyway. So we're at Gin, talking about perspex tables, vibrators, and giving up smoking (which I am in the process of about to do. Finishing off Allen Carr's book), and am looking around, and there are men everywhere. They're the artier types, the types I should ideally be associated with. Thing is, some of the men have full body tattoos, purple hair and wear crimpolene.

I just want to ask, because I don't really go to places where guys wear chino pants anymore. I used to. A lot. It's not the pants, it's what comes with the pants. I think. But I'm not looking to make acquaintances with crazy, alternative artist types either. I'm actually attracted to conservative men. Ridiculously enough. There are exceptions, with everything in life, before you jump down my throat. But where can one find a healthy balance of both in this town?

I dunno. I just want to go to a club where they play You Got To Show Me Love and Mr Vain, [circa 1992], but I won't go to The ManWhore anymore.
Joburg is repressive like that. There's not enough choice. Where does one go to hear such wonderful stuff, besides that vomit pit?

I'll throw a housewarming party after my trip, that's for sure. There's an opportunity for amazing 90s choonage.


Anonymous said...

How exactly did you discover that "some of the men have full body tattoos"? It looks like you may have left out an important detail in your narrative.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - oh whoops. I banged a tattoo-laden man to Timbuktu and back last night.

Sorry, did I leave that bit out? ;)

No, but one can see when a dude has an all over. His arms are covered in dragons, as is his neck and collar bones. Just not my bag, Juan.

Nessers said...

If you find out where you meet normal men let me know *grin* - You can't trust a guy you meet in a bar, the guys in the gym have better bodies than you so there is that to deal with and guys you work with are a no-no (especially in my case heheh but that is another story). Thank god I am not looking at the moment but it will be good to know for future reference

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - ah yes, keeping the penis out of the paypacket, I totally agree.And I'm not looking either - I'm still on a 'find more male friends' mission. I think this town is just very...extremist.

happy snapper said...

Shame Peas, that was blind. But Im sure the guy felt chuffed anyhows.

Dude, I am so with you on debt and credit cards! I purposefully dont have a credit card either, and my current bank balance is R28 for the rest of the month. 'n Boer maak 'n plan. Pity Im not Afrikaans, but hey. I hate debt. He's not my friend, much like Murphy.

As for decent guys...I have no idea wear you would go in Jozi...cos Im a Capetonian. So if you come down here, I can help you out?
As for tattoos, I think they're HOT! Well, not all of them...that would be too easy. Some of them, only some of them.

happy snapper said...

I mean "where"...not "wear"...


Peas on Toast said...

Ha ha thanks Snapper! Ha ha, I must reiterate that I'm not looking for a dude under any circumstances right now. Finding the time alone would be a challenge. I'm more trying to find a place that has a balance of the alternative and the conservative, if there's even such a place!

And yes credit cards are super scary to me. All that overdraft interest makes my blood pressure skyrocket!

Jam said...

A marshmallow? Yeah, stay away from the arty types...hehehe. They're troublsome!

ClayOne said...

RobinS ,sjoe,kicking ol skool peas.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - one of those dresses that all all poooooofy. Love 'em. And yip don't really have trouble staying away from arty types, I have trouble staying away from the other end of the spectrum. Balance would be good!

Clayone - you better believe it! RobinS and I have had some great parties together!

c@th said...

wah! crimpolene! wah!

sign 1 that its not going to be a runner.

mwah. invite us bitch! waaha

MsBehavn said...

I should starting hanging out at these places too.

I want to go where I can meet arty-farty men who have full body tattoos and where it's completely acceptable to discuss redecorating my house and vibrators over a drink or two.

In fact, now that I think about it I want your life, Peas (minus the admin) LOL

boldly benny said...

OH MY WORD I HEAR YOU! Give me a club that spins Robin S, Haddaway, Dr. Alban and I'm happy! I haven't gone out in an age because I'm in the search of such a place. Throw in some Soft Cell, John Mellencamp and maybe The Kinks and I'll be in heaven!

Peas on Toast said...

C@th - do dudes who wear crimpolene give you a jones babe? ;)

msbehavn - that's classic! But no dice. If I sell you my life on eBay, it comes with a free dildo and loads of admin. :)

Benny - oh yay, thanks God. Someone else who enjoys the aural fruits of the Monster Hits collection! Where oh where can we find such a place that's not the Spastic Colon and the Manwhore??

Mini said...

Ooh Sweat Pea.Now you babe, are class!(Robin S).I used to get mocked @ in skool for listening to dem oldskool classics.With Melville becoming the next Yeoville,Greenside is a healthier alternative.Lol

Mini said...

Oh btw.Show me love is me all time favourite track.Takilla will back me up on that

happy snapper said...

"Show me love" - classic. I think we should organise a night where we just play the oldskool classics...and break it down 2Unlimited style. ha ha ha!

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - yeah Melville is sadly getting knocked about a bit these days eh? And always liked Greenside, and Gin is a great little spot. Will def be back for a cocktail on the upstairs balcony.

Oh and yes, old skool choons - they make up 90% of my collection. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Snapper - oh I have those evenings at least every month my dear :)

Monster Hits and 90s parties are the new black. Definitely!!

Ches said...

Hugging random okes is a start! Lekker one Pea's... ;)

happy snapper said...

Man, I dont know of anywhere to break it down to 90s hits in Cape Town. Only where I can do the running man to 80s hits, which is great....but where can I do Monster Hits? WHERE!??! Think house parties are the way forward.

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - so horrifically blind. Think he got the fright of his life...:)

Peas on Toast said...

Snapper - yes house parties I think are the only option. I'm going to ensure I have a massive one next month - and no ways, you do running man too??

It's a peach of a dance movement, innit!

happy snapper said...

I LOVE the running man! I bust the moves whenever I can. Im goin to a wedding tomorrow, so think he will make an appearance there. 90s or not, ha ha!

I think I need to organise a house party here. It doesnt help that you're all the way in joburg Peas. Thats kinda crampin my move busting.

Peas on Toast said...

Snapper - I used to date a dude who did running man like a king. I had to step down and admit that there was no competition when this dude was going at it.

And weddings are the best place to execute the running man. We were ripping the ring out of it at the weddings we went to two weeks ago.

Enjoy yours, and knock 'em dead!

Ches said...

Ha ha, maybe he liked it! :)

I'm going to start hugging random girls...'Sorry, thought you were, aaaah, Margret! Tee hee!'


P.S. House Parties, good good!

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - Mate, throw them a ruple, give them the little communist pig dance and they'll beg you for more [hugs]!

happy snapper said...

Woah, a running man pro. That must have been amazing to watch!

Sweet! Im so gonna break it down tomorrow! I msy even throw in the leg pump action dance. Thats a winner too.

Ha ha, Ches, that might actually work hey! Just don't hug a girl who is sitting next to a guy who you think could be her boyfriend...the slap wont come from her :)

And Mini...where you been hun? ;)

Mini said...

Happy my darling oldskools definately awsum bt the 2unlimitd statement worries me.I mean seriously that was techno trash!Theres a club in CT called @tmosphere(not the best of clubs)that has a small dancefloor @ the back of the main floor that plays that awsum classics.Oh an Sweat Pea when r u inviting me over for a trip down memory lane(I might have to Hijack a few CD's)

Revolving Credit said...

Dressed like a marshmallow hey!

So tell me, did you managed to get toasted?

and possibly eaten?

Mini said...

Oops happy I am on study leave hence me using me mobile.Pray I pass!I write next week

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - 2unlimitd statement worries me.I mean seriously that was techno trash!

I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that. :)

Rev - oh you dirty bastard :) Toasted yes, but not over an open fire :)

The Divine Miss M said...

Dude, we so have to do 1 or 20 drinks in London! ;)

happy snapper said...

Mini you cant just go around dissing the 90s hits! 2unlimited happens to be a classic from way back then...and just think of all the running man moves that I can do. Besides, when you're drunk, it's even better, trust me! :) you should give it a go, he he.

Oh and all the best for your exams! what are you writing? fingers crossed :)

Ches said...

HapSnap, I'll put the boyfriend on eBay before he gets close! ;)

I think I'm setting myself for this dance Pea's...think some of Sandton's gigs could handle some Eastern Bloc Culture? We'll have to see! I do believe the goat might go by unnoticed tho...pity!

Revolving Credit said...

Marshmallow Peas on Toast!

Don't blame me, you guys were the ones on Heat!

PS. Did you just use '..oh my God, get me a vibrator' &'..before you jump down my throat' in the same post.

This friday post is so full of possibilities. Pity I have actual work to do today else I could wax lyrical today.

happy snapper said...

Ches - nice one! Lemme know how that goes then ;)

Revolving Credit - Dude, I think you should still wax lyrical shmork. ha ha

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - it sounds gooood! I'm working on most of the days there, but I'm sure I could juggle it over the weekend. Are you living along the boerewors line? Will have to make a trip down the green line on one of the days I think.

Ches - I DARE you. DOUBLE DARE YOU WILL BUY YOU A LIFETIME'S WORTH OF JAEGERMIESTER if you do this, dude, you have to:

Take a goat to the Baron in Sandton tonight. Oh come on. YOU HAVE TO. I guarantee it won't go unnoticed. But it will be fucking hysterical. I'll even come through to see it. C'mon. We know people with farms. Organise!

Rev - I love how you string all the naughty words together and call it a paragraph Rev :)I'm sure with those innuendos will be here all day. But you know me, I'm PURE. ;)

The Divine Miss M said...

Ya dude I live in Wombletown with the rest of the green wombles. It's all good fun I tell you.

But I works in Waterloo so rather central :)

Screw work, drinking tequila takes work too!

Mini said...

I was listening to 5fm the other day n they have this new thing called "THE CHEESE OF THE DAY".Guess what was playing?..."no,no,,no,,no theres no limits"-by 2UNLIMITED.I was so LMFAO.Happy babe writing CIMA(management level)

Revolving Credit said...

Gotta love it!

You say you're PURE.

According to my thesaurus, that means that your're UNTAINTED.

Now knowing your penchant for 80's music, I think that means that you need so TAINTED LOVE!

Ches said...

Ha ha Peas...Pistols, Southbroom! They have a pig donkey, the Baron could use a Lithunian Goat...will make a few calls. Watch this space!

P.S. Remember what Papa says, "There no better sound than the sound of struggling hooves!"

happy snapper said...

Aaah classic Mini! I wouldve been laughing too. Oldskool :)
I have to be honest though hun, ...I have no idea what CIMA is...does that make me a bad person?

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - my aunt stays in Wimbledonfontein as well, so I'll def be in your area on one of the days!

I'm staying near Victoria, so also quite central.

Mini - is'nt cheese of the day the best radio slot ever?! Go DJ fresh!

Ches - Pistols Southbroom indeedle! One of the nicest spots on the south coast.

Now. The Goat. I'm getting on the phone to C if she can whoreganise.

Goat Baron. You don't seem like the type to turn down a challenge now, do you? Don't make me bait you.

(BET you won't do it. Bet you won't.)

Jam said...

Did you just call yourself PURE?

Ches said...

Does C have goats? I only saw cows and tequila when I was last there! And a destroyed pigeon the happened to fly past a 12 guage shot gun! Oh the feathers!
Starting to get cold feet LJ! Does my companion freind count as a goat?
My rep at the Baroon has been slightly tappard after the gas heater pole dancing incedent!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - No dice! Laugh all you want, hahahahahahaha!

Ches - I'm sure she has at least ONE goat hanging about? Next to all those Massey Fergusons? ;)

Cold feet. Look after the gaspole incident, they're expecting big things from you Ches. Anything less would result in a grave disappointment from management. The only way is up Chester. No dice on the goat, well unless your ladyfriend has a tail and udders of course. Kidding kidding :)

Mini said...

Happy snappy sounds better don't you think?Thanx 2 google we don't have 2 be bad people.Oh Sweat Pea back to the choons I remember a good few years ago whilst on holiday in Durbs I was @ this club Tilt and there wern't many people on the dancefloor until the D.J. played Teardrops-Lovestation,boy did the balcony get empty n the dancefloor rocked(Remember that choon?).Njy the weekend all u wonderful human beings!

Revolving Credit said...

Not sure about the goat thing, but did Ches just call C a cow?

Sounds like he may need the shotgun for personal protection?

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - hahahahaha! You have a good weekend too dearheart, and remember that without 2Unlimited and Barbra Streisand, the world would be an unbalanced place.

It's all about balance.

Rev - Ches likes to live on the edge. Being quasi Irish-Lithuanian and all. :)

Ches said...

Damn nits! Where's a good goat when you need one?!
Ladyfriend, ummmm well, will just leave the anatomy out of this a say there is no good nuuuuuy in the hay! At the moment! :)

ClayOne said...

happy snapper,sounds like you need to get to Galaxy buddy.:-)
but seriously Cape Town is run on ol skool, its really really really not that hard to find, was a sad day when Wayback parties closed their doors but RobinS and co are still on hot rotation at alot of places.

ClayOne said...

although running man is pushing it a bit

Ches said...

No negative Rev....C no bovine! Apologies!

happy snapper said...

Happy Snappy does have quite a nice bounce to it, but you can call me whatever you like Mini :)
And trusty friend google has just informed me on the meaning of CIMA ;)

ClayOne: Im obviously going to the wrong places then, because I havent found a place that klaps the old 90s tunes much. Galaxy! ha ha, maybe, maybe not :) Otherwise, Im definitely gonna take up Peas' plan and do it house party style.

And running man is never pushing it. Its awesomeness at its best!

Ches said...

Living on the edge is one thing! Being lithuirish...but C is a good shot. Ches don't wanna end up like stupid pigeon!

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - did you just say 'naai' bru?

Ha ha, and C is a king shot, so yeah, best you avoid the crosshairs!

ClayOne said...

if you do decide to do the maybe route then make it a Thursday night,you will be pleasantly suprised.

No i dont work there or even got there much,ek se maar net.

Cant lose with the house party route,you can running man to your hearts content,after enough booze maybe even a windmill or two.

Peas on Toast said...

Chaps, if running man isn't your can try any one of these when next you gotta bang out a bit of takkie on the dancefloor:


Ches said...

And C is 1/2 lithuanian too.

Nuuuuy...don't goats nuuuuy?

happy snapper said...

Hmmm...thanks for the heads up ClayOne. Might do that sometime.

As for the running man AND the windmill, WOOOOOHOOOOOO! Im so gonna be breakin it down at the wedding tomo! ha ha, yes, alcohol does help, especially when everyone ELSE is drinking it...makes my moves look like pure genius :)

happy snapper said...

Dude!!! Where did you find those dance moves Peas?!?!


classic stuff indeed.

Prawn Cocktail said...

tattoos .. interesting..

Visit me sometime..

Love ur work


guppa said...

peas, hello from washington DC! gin sounds fantastic--am in a bar called Busboys and Poets, which you would fall madly in love with----anyhoo, high fives, and keep stylin'.

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Prawn, I'll definitely pop by, thanks so much!

Guppa! Hello my old friend - am missing you here! Thinking of you in DC lots, and I expect you to get me a t-shirt with the likes of My friend went to DC and all I got was this mingin' t-shirt or the likes :)
Hope you having a blast and catch you soon soon! xx