Thursday, May 15, 2008



I've made an Irish friend before I go there. Jolly hockeysticks, GET IN.

Now, I don't understand a word she is saying. But if I string every third word together, and please bear in mind she calls a bird a “boarrrrd”. (A board?), and I've had to say a few times, “Huh, sorry what?,” “Beg pardon?”, “Could you repeat your sentence just one more time please,” and plenty of “Yes...sure....right...absolutely's........”

She said that Irish people have the gift of the gab and never stop talking, they're friendly. That's cool. That's more than cool.
More pointedly, however, she said they don't actually wear green.
At all.
It just doesn't make sense in the idealised part of my brain.

“Em, in fact doodlymacallithoofallay the folk actually wear more green in Sath Africa doodlyo'connor o'grady.”

Peas: People wear more green here than in Ireland.


Peas: No. This can't be right. My friend said the same thing, don't crush my dream.

“Em guinness.”

Peas: I suppose there're no rainbows either.

“Em, yeahdoodly. Oirishcoffee.”

Peas: Please take me to a pub in Dublin where people play music and talk about leprechauns and possibly wear a little bit of green.

“Em, yeahsure...flanaganskettlefriedcrisps.”

Peas: Flanagans! Did you just say Flanagans?

“Em, no. roightflanagans...look! A board! Inna sky!”

Peas: Cool...yeah...sure...absolutely.

“Em, enwhotabootpaddyo'grady?”

Peas: [WTF?] “Um.....we have a restaurant chain here called O'Hagans.”

“Em, what?”

Listening to her is like listening to lyrics. Her speech is so lyrical and so...incomprehensible to the naked ear. But nevertheless I know a local! And she's taking me to an authentic Irish local pub when I'm there. She says by the time I'm done with Dublin, I'll understand everyone.

Or at least I think that's what she said.

(“Tahpo'themorrrnintehya.” Crikey, what. Ohhh. Top.Of.The.Morning.To.You...Gotcha.”)

Apparently on one of my days there, there's a big bank holiday festival going on. O'MYSACK. Geddit? O'MySack. How terribly exciting! And there's a statue of a poet called Paddy pretty much next to my hotel.

It's a picture.


amanzimtoti said...

Don't wear green, please, next thing she'll tell you is that there aren't any leprechauns in Ireland.

Peas on Toast said...

Toti - I know! Or rainbows! Or pots of gold!

Anonymous said...

It's only fair. After all, we don't have lions and tigers in the streets here.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - but we do have lions and leopards here.

(Do they have to be in the streets?)

Revolving Credit said...

They have a hooliday called O'MYSACK??

Imagine how disappointed they'll be when you pitch up wearing a green jersey and rainbow scarf instead of a loin cloth, beads, baring your breasts and carrying a reed!!

May compromise and wear a green safari suit?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - yeah, especially when I tell them I had to take the bone out of my nose at customs.

Not a bad idea loincloth. That should get them going. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Be careful when travelling though because the airline may consider your reed a sharp object or a cultural weapon.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - oooh just learnt something else: In Ireland people say, 'What's the craick?' which means 'what's happening?'

PS: I'll bargain with them. I'll wear a loincloth if they wear green.

KaB said...'ve got to wear'll just be the funniest damned thing ever!

Before your trip here's an old Irish proverb me da has hanging in our kitchen...

'As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way!'

You go find yourself a leprechaun, drink guinness, dance on tables while doing some kind of mountain dance & wear the green! You'll be the toast of Dublin! And your newfound mate will be so totally proud of you :)

Kel said...

You've got to go to the Guinness factory peas.Ive heard its very cool and you get a free paperweight and a pint afters.

I found some funny irish sayings for you-call it my good deed for the week..Some beaut's you can throw in to a convo to look like you verstaan: -

1:Up and down like a hoor’s knickers
2:If I’d a bag of bruised willies I wouldn’t give her one.
3:She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab.
4:What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt.
5:I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover).
and finally since you'll probably arrive in a heatwave
6:Sweatin’ like a paedophile in a Barney suit.

more gems here-

happy snapper said...

I think that scarf you knitted would be perfect to wear with your green jersey. But, now I have to ask...what kind of green jersey is it? Is it at least still pretty looking, and doesnt look like it was knitted by a blind geriatric? And what colour green is it? Outsurance green? Old Mutual Green? Nedbank green?...

Charmskool said...

I had an Irish hairdresser once - I only understood her every second or third word which resulted in one of the strangest haircuts I've ever had and then also one of the best. I used to just nod and smile a lot and I ended up a redhead (I'm blonde)on one occasion.

Ches said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ches said...

*Ches's doing a little Paddy dance*

*Irish whistle fiddling*

*Andrea Corr*

*Fooking Guiness spillage*

- Oh I love being half Irish!

P.S. The Irish are very friendly however don't ask the little dwarf people to do magic tricks!! Even if they're wearing suspenders and a funny hat!

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my GOD this is funny!

Kab - I love your style lady, and yes, it's definitely part of the splinters included!

Kel - I'll be working most of the time, so I don't think I'll have time this trip to do the Guinness factory :( Next time maybe! Love your sayings, especially: :If I’d a bag of bruised willies I wouldn’t give her one. - ouccch! :)

Snapper - wahaha! It's four leaf clover green, somwhere in betweeen Old Mutal and Outsurance green. A good green, if you will. And a sharp looking jersey, factory made!

Charmskool - hahaha! An Irish hairdresser, what a peach!

Ches - oh you beauty, do you do the same jig in Lithuania though? Tell!

Ches said...

Yes, vee do! First, we have runnning of the Russian Communist Pig...then we tie our feet to our hands and someone throws a ruple (penny) into the middle! Everyone claps and sings...Hava natha ruple, natha ruple, nathara vainish ma ghaaaa! Doo do, la di di doo do.....

I can teach you this yes...

Peas on Toast said...

Oh my God, you just made my Phuza Thursday Ches.

Thanks fucking hysterical.

Throw another ruple and the running of the Commy Bastard Pig???

Jesus. I need to leave my desk.

Half Irish have Eastern Bloc crazy maniac! You kill me! :)

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

hey that's a half truth! sometimes we paddys speak clearly.

And leprecauns are people too - they are an ethnic minority here and have been subject to brutal oppression for decades. Only in recent years has their plight be recognised by government, who are now taking steps to enshrine their rights into our constitution. I find your belittling of their cause offensive in the extreme.

Actually the rainbows thing is true because we get lots of rain here - mostly in Summer. Last summer we had 65 consecutive days of rain here in Dublin. So no complaining about the rain when you visit - its what gives you all the green and the rainbows! Only locals get to complain about the rain because we have to endure it every fecking day.

We should go for a pint when you're here!

Ches said...

Ha ha...

For you! *Ches hands Peas a ruple*

Peas on Toast said...

oh Aunty how much do I love you right now? You have restored my faith in the green and the rain and the ethnic minority. Now to just learn some Gaelic! Bless your heart, are you craick?

Ches - my very own ruple?? And a tankard of wodka? I can't wait to learn the dance, you better show me next time we're out!

Revolving Credit said...

Ahh..leprechauns, the little people!

So if you're in a pub and you meet a leprechaun, do you offer to buy them a half-pint of guinness? or is that seen as insulting?

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - I could put the leprechaun in my Le Freaks...he'll get at least another 3 inches.

(giggle giggle)

Revolving Credit said...

Peas, while I know that the extra 3 inches excites you, the point is that it's still green!

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

The only irish language you need to know is "Póg mo thóin" which people will tell you means "hello" but actually means "kiss my arse"... these are the things we say to tourists.

I'm can be a bit of craic (there's no k in the irish language) but it depends on the day. I'm getting a bit curmudgeony in my old age.

I may have spent some time last year trying to convince a non-irish collague that another colleague of ours was a leprecaun, and that the height stereotyping of "the little people" was due to malnutrition. Nowadays leprecauns are as tall as other irish people, which admittedly is not very tall.

if you want to snog/fool around with an Irish boy or girl with no strings attached then Flannerys on Camden St or Copper Face Jacks (AKA Coppers AKA Slapper Face Jacks) on Harcourt St is the place to go. It's sex tourism at its most Irish - not that I'm condoning that sort of behaviour. I'm just telling you this in case you want to avoid these places... yes ... that's it...

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - any inches excites me at the moment :)

Aunty - you're SUCH a peach! Gaelic, places where I can suck random face, and to boot at a place called Flannerys! Addresses and all. You Irish are so helpful, you've really made my day, thank you so much! In fact, I'm going to print out your comment and stick it in my guide book :) ha ha ha! (PS: You and Chester, you're both brilliant day-makers)

Sheena Gates said...

Wahahahhaaaaa! Oh my doodlydoompkin.