Friday, June 13, 2008
the burning question...
...is coffee fatal?
Sure been drinking a lot of it lately, but that's not what this is about.
The Dove came over last night. One thing living alone is that I am loving it when people come over to visit. Hell, I even make them dinner.
Anyway Dove arrives, bouncing off the walls.
Did someone put ephedrine in your Yogi-Sip?
“Do you think I could successfully sue Mugg & Bean?” she says, pupils dilated.
Dove is allergic to coffee basically. It would be like us on crystal meth; The Dove on caffeinated beverages is not much different. A Red Bull would probably cause a hypothalamatic combustion.
Anyway, turns out Mugg & Bean fucked up her decaf cappuccino order, and the woman was bouncing off the walls.
“So you reckon I sue them?”
That might be a little rash...I'm thinking let's sit down and Aunty Peas will give you some nice, calming chamomile tea.
“I wanna sue them though,” she says fully bouncing around my kitchen.
Perhaps if you did something unbelievably misguided while on a caffeine high, sure. Like douse your head with Sta-Soft and attempt to spin cycle your head in the washing machine...or strip down to your under rods and prance about Jan Smuts screaming obscenities at passersby....you know, if you're societally destructive. Then yes sue them.
But in reality, you're just tripping on caffeine, and a bit fidget...dude what are you doing?
She was trying on all my plastic rings at once and was feverishly opening tins.
On a serious note – although watching her was amusing - perhaps you could sue if you had a car accident due to caffeine overdose, or operated heavy machinery, like a chainsaw, and lopped off the top of the neighbour's lemon tree for shits.
I mean, my ex pyschobitch landlady (Le Femme d'Enfer, or Hell, as they say in France) doesn't want to give me back my R7 000 deposit because the curtains weren't hung properly and she found a stain on the 30 year old carpet.
Now that bitch is going down.
But Dove was adamant, at least until the coffee beans had worn off. All the poor kid wanted was a little caffeine retribution.
A think a stern reprimanding at the such franchise would suffice. With possibly a detailed explanation of what caffeine does to her fine motor coordination to drive the point home. Or maybe not. People can't die from one cup of coffee can they?
Although, according to a billboard campaign in Cape Town years ago, people are more likely to die from falling off a desk chair than being eaten by a shark.
I'm settling into my house! It's starting to take on domestic characteristics!
And tonight 3RM has promised to wear his Lousy London shirt out in a public place filled with investment bankers. If he comes right in it, I'll even buy him a few birthday drinks. (3RM is growing up. Happy birthday for tomorrow mate, your shirt is totally gonna kick deplorable ass.)
I've charged my camera.