Friday, June 13, 2008

the burning question...


...is coffee fatal?

Sure been drinking a lot of it lately, but that's not what this is about.
The Dove came over last night. One thing living alone is that I am loving it when people come over to visit. Hell, I even make them dinner.

Anyway Dove arrives, bouncing off the walls.

Did someone put ephedrine in your Yogi-Sip?
“Do you think I could successfully sue Mugg & Bean?” she says, pupils dilated.

Dove is allergic to coffee basically. It would be like us on crystal meth; The Dove on caffeinated beverages is not much different. A Red Bull would probably cause a hypothalamatic combustion.

Anyway, turns out Mugg & Bean fucked up her decaf cappuccino order, and the woman was bouncing off the walls.

“So you reckon I sue them?”
That might be a little rash...I'm thinking let's sit down and Aunty Peas will give you some nice, calming chamomile tea.

“I wanna sue them though,” she says fully bouncing around my kitchen.

Perhaps if you did something unbelievably misguided while on a caffeine high, sure. Like douse your head with Sta-Soft and attempt to spin cycle your head in the washing machine...or strip down to your under rods and prance about Jan Smuts screaming obscenities at passersby....you know, if you're societally destructive. Then yes sue them.

But in reality, you're just tripping on caffeine, and a bit fidget...dude what are you doing?

She was trying on all my plastic rings at once and was feverishly opening tins.

On a serious note – although watching her was amusing - perhaps you could sue if you had a car accident due to caffeine overdose, or operated heavy machinery, like a chainsaw, and lopped off the top of the neighbour's lemon tree for shits.

I mean, my ex pyschobitch landlady (Le Femme d'Enfer, or Hell, as they say in France) doesn't want to give me back my R7 000 deposit because the curtains weren't hung properly and she found a stain on the 30 year old carpet.

Now that bitch is going down.

But Dove was adamant, at least until the coffee beans had worn off. All the poor kid wanted was a little caffeine retribution.

A think a stern reprimanding at the such franchise would suffice. With possibly a detailed explanation of what caffeine does to her fine motor coordination to drive the point home. Or maybe not. People can't die from one cup of coffee can they?

Although, according to a billboard campaign in Cape Town years ago, people are more likely to die from falling off a desk chair than being eaten by a shark.

Whatever.

I'm settling into my house! It's starting to take on domestic characteristics!
And tonight 3RM has promised to wear his Lousy London shirt out in a public place filled with investment bankers. If he comes right in it, I'll even buy him a few birthday drinks. (3RM is growing up. Happy birthday for tomorrow mate, your shirt is totally gonna kick deplorable ass.)

I've charged my camera.

23 comments:

3rm said...

is the entire blogosphere on strike today?!?

Ches said...

VIDA COFFEE IS THE BESTEST!

3RM, Looks like it! Friday the 13th! Happy Birthday Bud!

Pea's...I'm away this weekend so won't be able to bring the goat to the Baron...don't think I'd be able to compete with 3RM's t-shirt tho anyway.

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - they're just waiting for the pics of your shirt mate.
;)

Ches - you must be so disappointed you can't bring your goat to the Baron dude. Enjoy your weekend babe, and yikes - Friday the 13th!

Charmskool said...

Mugg & Bean at the Waterfront in Cape Town habitually get all orders wrong. Then they waft by the table and say "everything all right?" and when you say "NO! You brought me....." they sing out "loverly ..tra la" and carry on their happy way. I think if you sued them for giving you coffee instead of decaf and you had a heart attack they'd probably still go "lovely tra la...." they are all demented, underpaid, disinterested. VIDA rocks and I love the way the barristas flirt with us girls to ensure good tips.

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - oh God, yes what about frigging caffeinated heart attacks! Crikey Moses. Yes, I think everyone is definitely in unison about Vida being the bomb of the bomb when it comes to coffee and service! :)

3rm said...

ches - cheers mate
peas - i'm sure you could find a photo on the net to put their minds at ease. there shan't be much difference. even with me in it its going to be horrendous...

Peas on Toast said...

3RM - But we need authenticity around here. It's you or bust.

And even better if you find a group of promo girls with large knockers and platinum hair, and surround yourself with those.

:)

Jam said...

soihadsomerealcaffeinethismorningtooandnowiamcompletelyoutthere.

I've had the being served caffeinated coffee when I should have been served decaf. Enough said.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - you're definitely the other person I know who is better off with decaf! Was waiting for you to comment ohmywordjumpingoffthewalls! :)

xx

Mini said...

The problem with the fuckers that continuously get your orders wrong is that there is a strong possibility in the food industry for them to spoeg in your meal/drink! Beware how you deal with the waiter/ess

Peas on Toast said...

Mini -oh hell yeah. And I've been a waitress before..I know what goes on behind the scenes. One has to approach the complainee with caution!

Revolving Credit said...

Well, either far to many people are standing on desk chairs while under the influence or those Sharks boys were forced to abstain as part of their Super 14 training plan.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Quite :)

I mean, we've all done it right? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Done what?
-Drinking & Chairing?
-Abstained due to sporting obligations?
-Been eaten by a Shark?

Peas on Toast said...

1) yes
2) Never
3) It could always happen.

(Don't become a Buffet Line statistic!)

Revolving Credit said...

3)So you may be in the market for a Banana Boy?
(or should that be Boy Banana?)

Lisa said...

...and then there are those of us who are terrified of accidentally getting Jam's decaf order instead of our much needed double-caf in the mornings. No-caf renders me about as useful as the statue in the park across the road. Ie. the pigeons could crap on me and I would be powerless to do anything about it.
I am completely and utterly useless til I have been triple-caf'd. It' a bloody wonder I can dress myself, much less drive to work.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - either or really...as long as it's fruity!

(Oh God, here we go.. ;)

Lisa - flipping hilarious: I am completely and utterly useless til I have been triple-caf'd.. I agree with your wholeheartedly! I am rendered pathetically useless, and one doesn't touch sides, I need at least two to start even CONTEMPLATING thinking....

leez said...

You make being drugged with coffee sound like a bad thing.

Getting in the VIDA bandwagon and professing my love for it too. is there anything better than java? wait.. scratch that.

As for your new game, the deposit tussle, better known as "give me back whats mine, bitch", I say Good Luck.

Don't waste your time trying to deal with her as if she's a civilised human being. Straight to a lawyer you must go.

Peas on Toast said...

hi leez! Oh you know it. She's IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation with at all - it's been like that for 5 years...she's possibly one of the most if not THEE most difficult person I know.

LegalAid here I come...

SheBee said...

seriously, its 3rm's link thats killing me at the moment. why won't he make his profile on blogger visible?

its so annoying! snot like any of us have a crush on him or anything.. haha

didja tell him about my proposal Peas?

have a happy happy long weekend.

po said...

Am a new reader to yr blog, really enjoying it.

I had a friend who was into "All you can". We dared him to see how many cups of Mugg and Bean refill coffee he could drink. He normally does not drink coffee at all. He had 15. He felt nothing. He needed to pee a lot.

I was thinking then we should sue Mugg and Bean for making totally zingless coffee. I guess it is all in the drinker.

Peas on Toast said...

Po - howdy! That's a simply brilliant experiment, I think I'm going to give that one a shot myself! :)