This weekend: I was rolling with my shit off safety.
Run for cover brotherfucka.
On Friday, I was just drunk and obnoxious. I enjoyed every minute of it, but can't speak for those whose company I was in – nor the bitch who bumped me – ME – when she walked past.
G's were up, ho's were down.
Luckily I was in the company of 3RM and The Dove, who although don't like my new 'tude – it feels as though I've been mainlining rap music, ok – there are a couple of factors contributing to my aggressive obnoxiousness, but I believe it could've been amplified by the rap music I have been listening to all day long for three days solid.
Because I was being so over the top insulting, about shit I don't even care about.
'I hate people who wear high stop sneakers. They're so pretentious.' Dove being Dove, and wearing her high top fucking sneakers didn't take offense, but there was no point to my argument, since I actually don't give a fuck whether people wear high tops or not.
High tops, hair, chino's, everything – I had something to say about everything, and it wasn't pretty. I mean, I don't care that much to actually rant about it all night.
Saturday was so dope. It was one big communal wank. In the form of a party. Except it was actually too much fun. Because I was running on Obnoxious, and this shit was popping the fuck off. (Do you know what that even means? No? Well fuck you then.)
I ended up going to a Durban July party, except it was here. That's pretty lame. A whole lot of people who were pretending to be at the July basically.
Look, it ended up not being so dope. I wore a shiny bubble dress for one, and for two it turned out to be a jolly good thrash.
I drank beer the whole day. They didn't serve Guinness, so I was bought a quart. God, swigging on a giant Black Label in a bubble dress – it's my new vibe, ok.
If you don't like it: cheer the fuck up Emo kid.
Met a nice dude who then took me out for dinner afterwards. 'Let's get out of here. Let's eat, this place is dope.' Went for some Italian and red wine. Such a nice dinner; a date at the end of a large night of partying hard.
Although by then, I was completely blotto. Because we even stopped off at the Colony for a night cap.
Since when do I stumble into the vomit pit? Completely overdressed? Now THAT place is dope. A weekend when I was firing 8 guns all at once, and none of them were on safety.
Sunday I met up with my New Friend who just helped me crank up my obnoxious vibe even more: 'Write this shit down...oh and you're standing on your toast.'
He was quite right, I was standing on my toast.
My rapper name is Ice Box. Has to have the word 'ice' in it, innit. And he gave me some more rap music that will make white people nervous.
It's going to go down like a hash brown. It's going to go downtown. To Funkytown. Downtown to Chinatown.
Shit is gravy baby. It's not dope.
PS: Except my MacBook. It's been crashing on me all week. Fuck this piece of Steve Jobs MacShit. I love it, but it's fucking annoying.
PPS: OK, so a question: The term EGAD in cartoons. That troubled EGAD gasp. It's troubled me for years. Like since I was 9. What the fuck is EGAD? Maybe it stands for 'Excitable Gasp...And Disengage?'