Monday, July 07, 2008

crank it the fuck up


This weekend: I was rolling with my shit off safety.

Run for cover brotherfucka.

On Friday, I was just drunk and obnoxious. I enjoyed every minute of it, but can't speak for those whose company I was in – nor the bitch who bumped me – ME – when she walked past.

G's were up, ho's were down.

Luckily I was in the company of 3RM and The Dove, who although don't like my new 'tude – it feels as though I've been mainlining rap music, ok – there are a couple of factors contributing to my aggressive obnoxiousness, but I believe it could've been amplified by the rap music I have been listening to all day long for three days solid.

Because I was being so over the top insulting, about shit I don't even care about.
'I hate people who wear high stop sneakers. They're so pretentious.' Dove being Dove, and wearing her high top fucking sneakers didn't take offense, but there was no point to my argument, since I actually don't give a fuck whether people wear high tops or not.
High tops, hair, chino's, everything – I had something to say about everything, and it wasn't pretty. I mean, I don't care that much to actually rant about it all night.

Saturday was so dope. It was one big communal wank. In the form of a party. Except it was actually too much fun. Because I was running on Obnoxious, and this shit was popping the fuck off. (Do you know what that even means? No? Well fuck you then.)
I ended up going to a Durban July party, except it was here. That's pretty lame. A whole lot of people who were pretending to be at the July basically.
Look, it ended up not being so dope. I wore a shiny bubble dress for one, and for two it turned out to be a jolly good thrash.
I drank beer the whole day. They didn't serve Guinness, so I was bought a quart. God, swigging on a giant Black Label in a bubble dress – it's my new vibe, ok.

If you don't like it: cheer the fuck up Emo kid.

Met a nice dude who then took me out for dinner afterwards. 'Let's get out of here. Let's eat, this place is dope.' Went for some Italian and red wine. Such a nice dinner; a date at the end of a large night of partying hard.
Although by then, I was completely blotto. Because we even stopped off at the Colony for a night cap.

Since when do I stumble into the vomit pit? Completely overdressed? Now THAT place is dope. A weekend when I was firing 8 guns all at once, and none of them were on safety.

Sunday I met up with my New Friend who just helped me crank up my obnoxious vibe even more: 'Write this shit down...oh and you're standing on your toast.'

He was quite right, I was standing on my toast.

My rapper name is Ice Box. Has to have the word 'ice' in it, innit. And he gave me some more rap music that will make white people nervous.

It's going to go down like a hash brown. It's going to go downtown. To Funkytown. Downtown to Chinatown.

Shit is gravy baby. It's not dope.

PS: Except my MacBook. It's been crashing on me all week. Fuck this piece of Steve Jobs MacShit. I love it, but it's fucking annoying.

PPS: OK, so a question: The term EGAD in cartoons. That troubled EGAD gasp. It's troubled me for years. Like since I was 9. What the fuck is EGAD? Maybe it stands for 'Excitable Gasp...And Disengage?'


Nessers said...

You are scaring me - where is the real PEAS grin...

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - I scare myself china, I scare.

And remember: if you're not living on the edge...then that's dope.


Gold digger said...

According to some arb online dictionary: "Egad - Used as a mild exclamation, a variation of Oh God" Pinky of Pinky and the Brain Cartoon used to say it. As well as "narf". Another under-utilised expression.

Peas on Toast said...

Gold digger - ahhhhh, ok. So it's the PC variation of Oh God. Cunning.

Greg said...

Dope is BAD, son. Not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good.


Peas on Toast said...

Greg - I know. So they say. But when I say 'dope' it means bad. Bad not meaning good.

It's my...thing.

And yes, it's dope.


Jam said...

Fuck, really?
Dude, that's dope.
Gimme some of what you're having!

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - I'm High On Life, g's are up and ho's are down china. :)

It's so undope it's frightening :)

Nessers said...

is there some kind of dictionary I can use so that I can understand all the comments today hehe - all I understood was "word" - clearly there is an age limit on todays blog and if you are over 30 - you should just stop reading hehee

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - don't worry babe, shit is gravy :)

Basically what I have said was: life is good. I can like to dig it :)

Ches said...

Did you give him his jacket back?

I was wondering where my wingwoman had gone... ;}

Peas on Toast said...

HAHAHAHAH - you are like the WORST wingman on the planet! There I was doing all my own spadework! :)

Yes and I had to give it back. Pity, the thing was a silk sensation inside.

Ches said...

Ha ha...mine, she was a silk sensation on the outside!

Peas on Toast said...

Dude I just read your blog - HECCCCITC china. How the devil did that happen, and just after you'd told me the whole story!

No. ways. So are things cool??

leez said...

Hilarious. It reads like a bad 90s ode to all wiggers.

I think we all know why the mac has packed up. Too much Mr. Fred

Champagne Heathen said...

Uh. Ok. Anyway. I agree with Leez's description.

In case you miss it... I found a sign for your collection - just posted it...

Peas on Toast said...

Leez - hahahaha 'a bad 90s ode to all wiggers?' My mission is complete, that is SO. NO. DOPE.

You little beeyoody, recognise! :)

Wait till Mr Fred gets a piece of this.

Champers - ok am going to look now!

Lisa said...

word up peas!
found this link think yo'll like...
all about rap songs white ppl like ;-)
this shit is dope, yo!

Lisa said...

help if i give the link, hey?

Peas on Toast said...

Lisa, oh my dope sack, this shit is gravy! Especially this:

2. House of Pain - Jump Around

White People will never be completely comfortable with Black Music so anytime they’re given the opportunity to like a song by one of their own race they go fucking overboard (see this record and all five thousand Eminem songs). If you’ve ever seen Black People comedy, you’ll be familiar with the notion that White People have no rhythm and can’t dance. This is true. That’s why they will embrace with both honky arms any song that makes it OK for them to not actually dance during it or that tells them exactly what to do and when to do it. If you go to a club and this fucking song comes on all the White People will literally jump around. I fucking promise you.


Peas on Toast said...

Oh and:

Notorious B.I.G.: Big Poppa - You know, ’cause White People can be 350-pound black gangsta romeos too (actually by definition they cannot).

hahaha, that shit is so not dope. By MY definition anyway.

Ches said...

The only explaination (or excuse) would be alcohol + randy = lust! Everythings cool, altho I still think she's a crack pot but did well to leave the Dope Spot got messy!

Think this Saturday we need to return to that place...that's not so dope! ;)

Server's blocking your blog again, dam knit!

Peas on Toast said...

Dude our usual spot will go down like a hash brown in Chinatown.

Lust is dope. We need to re-align.

lulu said...

Mahaha.There must be something in the air.For some reason I started singing "I got Ho' different area codes" at my local pub this weekend, and thought I was the shizznizz yo.Even though my friends thought otherwise.

Peas on Toast said...

lul - you're on my ride baby, you're feeling my vibe, and peeps must just IMBIBE. Is how I feel.

Shizznizz indeed, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Tell them to step off. ;)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Fo' shizzle my nizzle!! Aaaiiit?

Holy smokes... hmmm...maybe you were ON dope?? Hahahaha!!


Ryo Kaneda said...

you should give serious thought to whether you are an alcoholic.

seriously. I am not lashing out at or judging you, but speaking as a recovering alcoholic myself. Scarcely a post goes by in which you are not trashed, thrashed, smashed, or drinking the day away in some other way.

read back everything you wrote about your UK trip. and then ask yourself (not on your anonymous blog, but SERIOUSLY) whether you have a problem.

Anonymous said...

Way to kill a vibe Kandida. D O P E

Peas- Two words: Catherine Tate.
Write a flippen series home guy. Roll your shit on the box. And I don't mean the ice box...

Peas on Toast said...

Kaneda - hahahahaha. OK so out of the seven days of the week, I work five. And I don't drink on any of those.
Am I still an alcoholic?

Probably. Oh well.

Can I offer you a drink?

Anon - bless your heart, although the great Cath Tate could never be truly imitated, especially not by yours humble truly! :)

Ryo Kaneda said...

Yes. You can still be an alcoholic. Perhaps poking fun at alcoholism aids you in delaying confrontation of the problem.

I wasn't saying you were not a functional alcoholic. You are clearly not a street person who drinks meths or paraffin all day long. Not yet, at least. Anyway, weren't you "working" on your UK trip? You know, the one where you got shit faced drunk EVERY night....

In any event, addiction is about your relationship with the substance, not the frequency with which you have to consume it. And you clearly NEED alcohol to have a good time, or to dull some other pain or disappointment.