...are widely applicable:
Don't you agree that music isn't music unless it's loud?
No seriously, there's no point listening to Kaos' Pimpin' All Over The World when it's at low volume. Music just sounds better when it's loud. So those people who travel in my car, and if they like turning the fucking volume button down when all I want to experience is Music Extreme, is probably not going to like the journey.
I'm just saying.
And I think I'm going to need an amp in my boot.
I'm just saying.
One day I'll even get tinted windows and mags.
Point two: (This is the height of neuroticism, be warned)
OK, so I'm terrified of water. Never been one of those water babies that spend ample amounts of time submerged. I belong in Binnelanders. At the beach, I go waist deep and kind of splash about, ensuring that there is a large Buffet Line in front of me. The sharks will eat those people first.
Anything about water is terrifying. As terrestrial beings, I don't think it's natural for humans to even be in the ocean, ok. I have huge respect for the sea, because frankly, it's a fucking dangerous piece of non-turf.
Waves can kill people if they try hard enough.
Kelp. That stuff is crazy ok. It's long and it hides things and it's just a little bit demented.
I needn't explain. It's not as bad as snakes, but dude. The Zambezi Shark has the most testosterone out of any living thing on this planet in its body.
That makes it a slightly aggressive creature that chows you just because it can. At least the Great White eats when it's hungry.
This thing eats because it's bored.
And. It swims up rivers. That makes it's danger over-compensatable.
But water. Scuba divers who go down with pressurised oxygen in a puny little tank, they dive down 40 metres. This is not natural. Does this seem natural to you?
Christ, there's 40 metres of water above their heads. That water is claustrophobic, dark, turbulent, scary and filled with lots of creatures.
I'll snorkel, but then I need a dive buddy for that. I'll stick to someone like glue and lark about the shallow coral. I love it, but I have to talk and sing to myself while I gaze at colourful sea life to calm myself the fuck down.
Once saw a sea snake in Thailand. I immediately walked on water. It was a nightmare turned miracle. The press should've written about it.
As a kid: Kreepy Krauly's. OK, I had nightmares about that apparatus. It would suck my toe up and it always made that horrible pulse noise that sounds ominous. Even now.
I won't swim near a Kreepy Krauly. It's like swimming with a water vacuum cleaner. It's just not right.
But, having said that, and although I usually take on water with a respectful, challenging stance, I do like swimming. In a safe, clear environment.
But moreover, bathing. Nothing is more therapeutic in this world than a good old fashioned soak in the tub. Dove can second me, she had insomnia until she started bathing before bed.
One of life's simplest, yet greatest pleasures in life is A Bath Tub. I start looking forward to my customary bath at around 3:00pm. By the time I get home, I throw clothes off with reckless abandon and hit the tub in an excitable frenzy.
My new bath tub is not very long. It's swanky in that it has a kiff pop up plug and a hair rinser that kind of chills on the side. No jets, but a nice bath. I can also change the taps with my toe very easily.
But it comes short with the length. One needs a big bath. I have to stick my feet over the edge. All very Victorian and Lux Advert, but not quite...completely satisfying. Any suggestions?