Friday, July 25, 2008

driving, the park & stuff

A few things:

1) 3RM was telling me last night about the car accident he had back in 2002. It was epic, and I knew the basic turn of events, but he elaborated on his internal injuries and the details surrounding the accident. Woah.
Heavy. Fucking. Duty.
I saw the movie last night, and it could've had a shitty ending.

And you know what? Driving drunk is a fucking stupid idea. We all do it in this town from time to time. And it's a typically human dilemma where getting pissed makes you want to drive like a rock star. And then you die. It's that simple. He scared me right last night. Jesus. Of course, Johannesburg has an amaaazing public transport system, especially at 4:00am on a Saturday morning. But driving pissed out of your skull – chaps, I've learnt from this guy's lesson.

So that was sobering.

2) Had to watch a few episodes of South Park after that. Getting back into South Park again, fuck it's brilliant. Imagine:

Trey Parker: ‘Writers, welcome. Let’s do an episode on…priests and jock straps today. Push the envelope so far it falls off the table. Piss people off. Piss people off so much, that when they hose themselves, they drop an ovary.’

Matt Stone: Remember, young grasshoppers, that toilet humour never gets old. Mr Hanky The Christmas Poo has been viewed 3,456,2,676 times on YouTube. Just this week. And even we thought it was lame.’

Cartman is Gold in the Future Self 'n Me episode, which I've maybe seen 8 000 times.

...Alright, now, Stan. For you I've put together a really nice design. I feel your parents were a bit more cocky about lying to you and your revenge needs to reflect that.
So what I wanna do is put a note on your parents' door, telling them I'm the counselor from the school.


Stan: Yeah?

Cartman: The note will inform them that a problem has come up and they need to see me right-away, back at my office.

Stan: Yeah?

Cartman: Your parents will drive all the way out to the school and discover that no meeting is actually taking place.

Stan: Yeah?

Cartman: ..And while they're gone…we're gonna smear all their walls…with poop.




3) I told Whale that since there was going to be a company Talent Evening in Greece, I thought of maybe, you know, delighting the throngs of people with some of my magic karaoke. You know, spread the news that raw talent doesn't mean you have to have the voice of a nightingale. One just needs:
a) Enthusiasm
b) Balls
But Whale doesn't rate it.
'Peas, if you wanted to come right or something, you wouldn't. I'd also disown you, and it probably wouldn't be great for your career.'

Yeah, but – what about the very catchy Sleeping In My Car by the lovable Roxette?

No. Not completely sensible I suppose.

Jesus. My stomach is still on fire from pilates. And it hurts to laugh. All from doing push ups over beach balls and breathing and balancing and stuff. Hell.

19 comments:

Gold digger said...

Have you seen the episode with Towlie where he writes "A million little fibres" Friggin hilarious! "You're a towel!"

Peas on Toast said...

gold digger - the Towlie episode where he keys in the 'melody to Funkytown' and they steal the Okama Gamesphere is by far one of the best South Park's ever made.

Oh and also Awsome-o' when Cartman is the robot. Fuccck!

kyknoord said...

It's a good thing that we're talking pilates here. When you feel that way after yoga, it's just embarrassing.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - maybe. Unless you fall over and break something whilst administering The Tree position.

Charmskool said...

Ouch sore stomach muscles from Pilates and then you watch South Park - all that laughing - you're a bugger for punishment. Love South Park; Pilates - jury still out.

Revolving Credit said...

After all that exercise, best you have a glass or 2 of wine, to relax and ease the tension.

Pain can be such a mood killer and thats not how you'd want to start the weekend, I'm sure.

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - it's epic. It's like nobody can say anything remotely funny or else I double over in pain and my muscles lock themselves.

Nice. Who knew?

Rev - Oh you cheeky little bastard :)
Do you think after two glasses of wine my stomach muscles will stop locking themselves?

Ches said...

*News* "Two people were found dead in South Park today...here to tell us more, is a midget..in a bikini!"

"Thanks Ron. I'm at the sence where two people are dead! *blink blink* Back to the studio..."

"Thanks Midget..in a Bikini!"

My favourite line from SP.

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - hahahaha! I've seen that, classic.

One of my favourites is also from the Future Self episode:

Timmy The spaz: I took ecstasy once.
...me and my girlfriend stayed up the whole night...having sssex.

Stan: Where'd you have sex with her?

Timmy: In her...va va vagina.

...Thank you thank you you've been a terrific audience.

GENIUS.

Ches said...

Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa.....oh crap thats funny.

Ches said...

Also the butt heads!

Buttheads: "Fssst fssst fsst, sorry, I don't know if you've noticed but we have butts where our heads should be fffssst fssssst!"

Stan & Kyle: *blank*

Buttheads: "We've come to fffsss fffssss find our son fsssst sssst?"

Stan & Kyle: "Who's your son?"

Buttheads: "He has a butt for a head ffssst fssst! OH LOOK, THERE HE IS, BEN AFFLECK!" *Fart fart fart*

Peas on Toast said...

Hahahaha! Ches if you have time and feel like fannying about reading Southpark scripts, do me a fave. (It'll make your afternoon. It's good viewing AND reading, turns out.

Honestly just read this (and scroll down to where Cartman starts his own business, the Parental Revenge Center of Western America):

http://www.southparkstuff.com/season_6/episode_616/epi616script/

Gold digger said...

I love the fact that Randy Marsh is a Geologist. Like me... :-)

Peas on Toast said...

gold digger - hahaha :)

That's so beautifully random, the detail is exquisite.

Another random line I LOVE, it just kind of slots into the Towlie episode, where the navy has to shoot/eradicate all the towels within a 100 mile radius. And they cut to a scene where this woman is in the bathroom and she idly says,
'Kevin? Don't forget to wrap the potato salad in aluminum FOIL.'

[something bumps]

'Kevin? Is that you?'

And these dudes charge in with bazookas and shoot 8 000 bullets into her hand towel.

The work of Einstein himself.

Ches said...

¿Qué? ¿La caca no esta aquí? - [What, the poop isn't here?!] Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaa...'caca', ha ha ha

Peas on Toast said...

Ches, isn't the whole Spanish vibe highsterical? You should HEAR it:

Cartman: Okay...very nice, very nice. Oh wait, uh, God-damnit!

Felipe! The classic brown poop is supposed to go in the parents' bedroom! The living room is supposed to be all baby green poop!

Felipe: ¿Qué? ¿La caca no esta aquí? ["What? The poop isn't here?"]

Cartman: ¡La caca de moreno no es aquí! ¡Aquí es verde, señor! ¡Es verde! ¡Arriba arriba!


Cartman: ¿Y tú? ¡Carlos! ¡Carlos, No! We want a textured effect on the nut-n-corn crunch poop. That's why we spackle with the sponge.

[dips the sponge into a poop tray and spackles the wall with it]

See? Spackle gently. Lo marrado. Gently, see? Marrado.

Marrado. Spectacularrr.


God, it's so hard to find good help. Ah! Butters, like what you're seeing so far?

Butters: Boy, it sure is stinky in here!

Cartman: Yeah, well, three hundred gallons of poop isn't gonna smell like a garden, Butters. But I think it's coming together real nice.

Ches said...

ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

po said...

Aaah, South Park. Cartman is my hero.

I liked "crab people" and the episode when the kids had sexual education and became terrified. And Casa Bonita.

Peas on Toast said...

po- I want to have Cartman spawn. Like if I have a kid one day, I want one to be like Cartman. He's streetwise, fat and amazing.

I remember the crabs one, haven't seen the latter though - must go through the Southpark movies on my computer!