Thursday, August 07, 2008

curry & equilibrium

So my pilates instructor discovered that my left side is uncharacteristically longer than my right, yesterday.

Was falling off a lot of giant balls when trying to balance upside down, and backwards; due to overall isonomic being a touch awry.

I can ride a bike. I can ski. But apparently my balance is a little bit F-Bombed. And all due to, not ear fluid, but because my left side is at least a centimetre longer than my right.


But apparently she could cure this. How the fuck do you cure length without shaving one centremetre off my left leg with a scythe please? She made me do this funny stretchy thing, and hell's tits, Bob's your aunty, no flippen ways, the two legs were suddenly equal.

Just like that click click.

Pilates is David Copperfield's secret subsidiary, it so the fuck turns out.

She simply explained 'unexplainable out-of-kilter longness' as 'an unnatural shift in my biometrics.'

And if I could just get my transverse muscle nice and toight, then I'll be apples.
Not that I ever noticed this before, or stuff.

Went out to dinner with C2 and Poen last night. For a scrummy curry. Arrived, took a seat at the head of the table and to mein horror: couples evening.

For about 0.02 seconds I thought, 'Hello Bridget Jones.'

Except, what a hoot. And also hopefully:
1)I have better hair than Jones

2)I don't wear granny pants underwear like Jones

3)The circumference of my thighs is hopefully a great deal less than that of Jones (especially after so much Pilates. I mean Christ)

Was so great catching up with my little friends over curry, 8 000 poppodums and Sauvignon Blanc. Great restaurant in Peter Place too, actually.

Also it must be said – whenever there's a curry evening, anywhere, anyhow, there are always the inevitable table familiars like 'Wow dudes. Gonna need to put the bog roll in the freezer after this Vindaloo, youknowwhadImean...'

But we reckon a hot curry is aces in comparison to the hedonistic concoction of, say, 4 x canes, 3 x Jaegermeisters and 1 x Lamb Korma (all in quick succession.)

Wonder if that's ever been tried before. On boys obviously. 'Cos it would never affect girls.


kyknoord said...

So that's the long and the short of it.

Peas on Toast said...

Pretty much.

Sounds like I need a peg leg with a kick stand right? ;)

Charmskool said...

I also had that one shorter leg thing going on. My chiropracter sort of yanked and clicked and hey presto no falling over. Question? What were you doing pricing Astroturf. Grateful thanks - excellent consumer advice - Eyecream for dark circles - roll on payday.

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - ah the 'Turf! I'm creating a...Lego garden on my balcony.


It'll be 100% fake.


MidniteGem said...

R150 per sqm for astro turf isnt bad ! Its at least £50 over here!

And yeah i have the same issue with one side of me being taller then the other...but the difference is that it is cause i have a curve in my spine. Slightly unable to be readjusted

Peas on Toast said...

Midnight - wow, the curvature, excuse my ignorance on the subject - is that scoliosis? Also £50 a sq metre...fuccck. Is the turf made from gold leaf over yonder?

MidniteGem said...

yup - that would be is just mild tho - only 16 degrees. I've foudn my rock climbing hobby is def helping it out. one thing tho - i've always had fantastic balance.

Yeah £50 for a material isnt expensive. I've come across simple tiles for splash backs at £180 per sqm. And we have used hand formed glass tiles at £250 per sqm

Peas on Toast said...

My word. Well I can just say that I'm glad I'm doing a house in SA and not in Inkland. Because at this rate, I'd have to buy second hand linoleum!

I just wish we had an Ikea here. I could build shelves very easily.

Revolving Credit said...

I think that the instructor was just pulling your leg!

So how many square metres of the fake stuff are you looking for?

Peas on Toast said...

Twenty sq metres Reverend.

And about 500 fake flowers.

To go on my fake garden.

Also fake bugs and stuff if applicable. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

I'll send you some fake dog shit. It wouldn't be a real (fake) garden without at least 1 beast turd!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - one of those plastic guys. Definitely.

Revolving Credit said...

Do ya need a plastic dog to go with that?
or maybe a blowup sheep?

Do you get plastic sheep turds??
If so, would you need to blow it up? and would you?

'What's that you're blowing on?..Oh, nothing, just a sheep turd'

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - no let's not shoot flies with canon balls here.

A fake dog could work...I guess? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Would you settle for one of those sausage dog door stoppers?

Peas on Toast said...

Oh good fuck no.

Had one in my old flat that the landlady fobbed off onto me.

Revolving Credit said...

What if it vibrates?

'What's that in your ErsatzPlatz?'s my plastic vibrating sausage!'

Peas on Toast said...


Oh that's fucking HIGHLARIOUS. Love that.

Tongue-Tickle said...

LOVE love LOVE your BLOG!
i always read, but never make the effort to comment (!!) you've got incredibel writing skills, what a pleasure on the eye :)

Peas on Toast said...

Wowe tongue-tickle, what a great comment, thank you so much!

It sure makes this mare of a day so much better. Mare at office, mare at office....

Revolving Credit said...

You have a horse in the office..hahah

Well then, best youu saddle up!